Dragon Tamer x Johto Girl

Entering the Galar region for the first time, Maya inhaled deeply, breathing in the strange air of a foreign land for the first time. The train ride had been a long one, but fortunately she was accustomed to riding the bullet train in Johto from region to region, so such journeys were familiar to her.

She stepped off the train with her tubby flaaffy clutched in her arms. The hotel in Hammerlocke was located close to its famed stadium. Maya dragged her bags to her room and threw them at the foot of the bed with a heavy sigh. The Galar region was known for its cafes and bars, and she could hardly wait to knock back a couple of cool ones.

Houseplants

i thought i would ramble a bit to get thoughts out of my mind. why can't we scream in our minds? i don't know. this eternal voice in my head is mute, but at the same time, says so much... for instance, all my windowsill plants. i wanted to talk about the indoor house plants i keep, and will probably take photos of them to accompany this post later on, haha. yeah my hobbies are weird, but i'm doing this for myself! writing makes me happy and bloggin' makes me happy and ... i've somehow gotten myself into houseplants. let's check out how that happened.

well after i got promoted in july, a colleague gifted me a small baby rose plant, which was affectionately named Pipplant in commemoration of the gifter. I also call it Rosie, so I suppose the plant's name is Rosie Pipplant. It's doing well, having grown beautiful bushy blossoms over the summer, and currently has a couple roses with deep green, lush leaves.

after that, comes the two succulent plants that i bought from ikea. i never knew ikea plants were hardy, but i guess i should have known since when i was young i bought a small bamboo plant from there; don't quite remember what happened to it. anyway, i bought a spiky one and a more called an "echeveria elegans", which i have since planted outside next to my gerbera dairy plant. spiky plant is called Plantsy. echeveria doesn't have a name but it's still doing well outside in the winter weather, which is nuts. so is the gerbera plant which i for sure thought was going to die, but we'll get into that later.

a) the spiky plant i bought because when i picked it up from the pot, i saw it's long root had poked out of it and was dangling from a hole. i thought to myself, this one is a fighter. i took it home and had to give it a chance to life a comfortable life, cared for by moi. i repotted this plant twice, and it currently lives in a cheery green pot from the dollar store.

b) echeveria plant: i have to say i didn't feel much connection to this plant so i planted it outside. it's still alive and moves its petals around, i was unsure if it would survive the vancouver winter but since the weather has been (i presume) mild, it should be fine.

now the gerbera plant, when i bought it from the grocery store was a beautiful bright red with yellow accents. i planted it in the soil outside over the summer and ants kept pestering it. most of the flowers wilted and the leaves were eaten by bugs. i thought for sure it would be gone, but it's still alive and kickin' with two flower stalks grown! i will continue to care for it over the winter and hopefully it feels more lively in the spring.

i have two cactus, one with large spikes and another smaller fuzzy one. i bought the big one after work when i went to the mall with my friends, and the fuzzy one was a gift from my dear friend. the large one i can't remember what i decided to name it, but the smaller one is Dimitri Cactus. DC is in a bulbasaur planter, and bigger cactus is in a bright yellow eggshell-shaped planter that i got from my old workplace over easter.

last but not least is Mint/Minty, the small christmas shrub... can't quite remember the plant name but i have it on a tag downstairs. i'll note it down when i can. it's like a small tree-plant and smells like a lemony, minty, fresh scent. i got this plant from visiting the deer lake arts fair with friends! it was free, we had a great time.

anyway, those are my plants. they sit on my windowsill, in the kitchen, and outside in the garden. when the weather gets nicer i'll tend to the garden a bit more seriously. i'm a bit iffy about bugs, but when out in nature, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

welp, catch ya later. -K

My December

i had a heart once
but my mistakes and stupidity
cost me dearly

December is well upon us! And while the winter air is cold, my days are shining bright. The stars are shining brightly, the sun's warmth reach me despite the cold weather. I feel content, and I feel wrapped in good fortune, in blessings. I never thought that I would be so... fulfilled, not by life, but by God. Looking back, my current level of faith and dedication to the Lord could not ever be foreseen as so much. But, it is... and, I am... humbled. Grateful. Protected, come rain or shine.

I don't mind being a faraway star. At times I am a star-filled being, wearing a human-shaped mask. And I feel things with this human heart, that I can't process with a human mind.

Things I can't process, lie with me in an subconscious state. What else can I do?

Nobility

DND was lots of fun today. Maya is back in Morinville to deal with her family and the "guest" that has been staying at the Sho estate: the charismatic and handsome Anthé Foh. He's remained charmed by the Foh matriarch for the past six months, and although his family wants him back, I'm uncertain if that is something that will come to pass.

Additionally, Fergus, Maya's paladin bodyguard and personal confidante, has also become charmed by the greater Lady Foh and is now on the roster to become Maya's husband. Maya also discovered Qadir, a close friend who sadly died many sessions ago, has his soul kept by either her mother or grandmother.

Is this a dating simulation, or DND? This session was quite wild. I'm not quite sure what to make of it!

Sho Family
Windon Sho (father)
Jasmine Sho (mother)
Casey Sho (brother)
Tiffany Sho (sister)
Maya Sho
Thomas Sho (brother)

Driftwood

Mornings have been exhausting these days; I'm on a string of 7AM starts, and while the workload once I arrive at the office is light, I feel like a deflated helium balloon. Looking over my schedule, I need to tighten the reins on my punctuality. I've been late a couple times and taken more sick days than preferred. Going forward, I'll strive to wake up earlier and become more accountable.

I need to kick my own butt in being more active as well. I've definitely gained weight, and while that isn't necessarily a bad thing, I feel the difference and it makes me sluggish. Still, I would rather curl up in bed playing Pokemon Sword for hours than drag myself outside or to the gym. Baby steps, right? Baby steps.

Speaking of Pokemon, the new game is everything I could ask for. I was skeptical at first, given how lackluster I found Let's Go and even Sun/Moon to be, but wow - I'm singing Sword and Shield's praises. I can imagine heading over to the Galar region to visit. Thoughts are swirling, especially regarding that charming dragon gym leader, Raihan... AHHHHHHHH, what is this?!

Tamagotchi Sunday

Another weekend is over! I attended church service as usual today, but with a guest visit from Ivan. He usually goes to Broadway Church, but I invited him to come to mine instead. I enjoyed spending time with him. He has a kind smile, and appears to be a kind man. We went to Nelly's Diner for lunch after service, and I had a good time.

We went for a walk after lunch, and ended up both getting Tamagotchis!!! Mine is named Black Bean, whereas his is named Beany. We're having a competition to see who can keep their pet alive longer.

I'm unsure of how to proceed. I don't know what the expectations are or whatever. But I'm taking it day by day, as suggested.

Relivin' childhood

One Thing

i can't wait to get out of here. to escape into a different reality, if only for a little while. that's fine with me. i don't need a lot of room to grow.

i wish i was as fearless as i once was. caution doesn't suit me but at the same time, exercising restraint equates to maturity. i don't know why. but this is fine.

ugh!~~!! how frustrating...

Tragic Justice

Hello, netizens. I have booked my flight to HK for December and I'm greatly anticipating spending time with my grandma for her ninetieth birthday bash, as well as getting to eat delicious foods from my home country.

The political atmosphere is something I definitely have to deal with, but here's hoping I won't notice much other than the mild traffic interruptions or MTR shutdowns.

Anyway, the following is an impromptu roleplay between yours truly and C.FLORES.

Blessings

I caught the flu from my mother and, as a result, stayed home from work to rest my weary, achy body. Life has been stable, with nothing too dramatic or interesting happening asides from the usual (well, nothing that I wish to disclose to the general public at this time, anyway!).

Wait, there is ONE THING I want to share with the world: my darling sponsor children! Erika and Vanessa. They are only babies, 9 and 12 respectively.

Vanessa
Birthday: October 28, 2010

Erika
Birthday: August 6, 2007

I've only told a few of my close friends that I am sponsoring these lovely girls from Bolivia. To be honest, I don't know much about Bolivia at all! But a dear colleague of mine has translated their videos for me and has agreed to help translate some of my letters to send over (even though I am well aware that World Vision workers translate letters for sponsors as well, haha).

I hope to make a positive difference in the lives of these two kiddos. They're growing up in a different world than I am, but they're full of life and deserve the chance to believe in themselves and to know that somewhere out there, someone cares about them and the well-being of their families. Perhaps that could inspire them to work hard and achieve their goals.

Personally, I haven't been in a relationship with anyone since early 2018, which seems so long ago now. I really don't know if I'll find anyone to fall in love with, but I am willing to accept whatever God's will is for me. I have a lot of friends and a loving family - that's one thing to count my blessings for!

Sponsor

I decided to sponsor two girls from Bolivia through World Vision. Originally I was only going to sponsor one, but another smiling little baby caught my eye and I watched her video and she was holding and petting a little lamb. Her birthday was also tomorrow, October 28th, so I had to! I feel like it makes sense.

I'm unsure if I made the right choice to take on two children, but I'll do my best to these young ladies to the best of my ability. I can barely take care of myself, or my dog, but I hope that I'm doing the right thing!

Game, Set, Match

everything comes down to this. something or other, and that makes sense to me. dreaming about occurrences... well, isn't that fascinating?

Reckless Behaviour

Pilot 

Karin woke up one morning and things were not as they were before. For starters, when she rolled over in bed, she was shocked to find someone else sleeping there!

She didn't scream, because at first she thought she was still dreaming. The man in question had bronzed skin that glowed as if he had been kissed by the sun. His dark, defined curls were gently slicked back, and a small braid hung down his left cheek. He was sleeping soundly, curled up into one of her fluffy pillows like a cat.

Not knowing what else to do, Karin smacked him on the shoulder.

"Hey! Wake up!"

His striking green eyes jolted open, and he stared up at her in bewilderment.

"Oh... Good morning to you, too. That's a special way to wake someone."

"Who are you?" Karin demanded. "What are you doing here?"

The emerald-eyed man sat up, and the blanket slid off his body in the process. Karin's jaw dropped when she realized he wasn't even wearing any clothes. She ripped her eyes away from his muscular chest and averted them to the ceiling. She inhaled deeply, trying to steady her rapid heartbeat.

"Okay. I'm going to ask you again! Who are you, and why are you in my bed?!"

"You really don't remember? That hurts my feelings a tad." The man lifted up his left hand, where a shining ring adorned his fourth finger. "I'm Claude. You know, your husband, Mrs. Von Riegan."

Shock settled in again immediately. Karin's eyes were as wide as saucers as she glanced down at her own hand; sure enough, there was a matching ring adorned with a shining stone around her left ring finger. Fortunately, she noted that she was safely wearing pyjamas, so she had that going for her at least.

"My husband! We're married?" she echoed this information in disbelief. "How did this happen?!"

Claude scratched his head, perplexed as to how someone could forget such a momentous event. "You started telling me how deeply you cared for me, and how you wanted to go someplace far away together. We ended up exchanging rings."

"Is that really true?" Her memory was all once big blank.

He shrugged. "I had no idea you felt that way about me. But I was glad you did. Honestly, if this is some sort of joke..."

A pang of guilt shot through Karin's chest as she observed Claude's crestfallen expression. The ring on his finger was unmistakably the one given to her by her late father. He was wearing her late father's ring! If she couldn't remember anything, and what he was saying was the truth, then she would have to roll with it.

"No. I'm sorry to make you feel that way. I... I am sure everything I said was the truth."

She observed the ring on her own hand again, watching how the gem sparkled in the bright morning light streaming in from the window. It truly was a magnificent stone.

"Anyway, why don't I go and make us breakfast? My cooking is fantastic, I'll have you know." Claude leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

Karin made sure to look the other way as Claude got out of bed. She waited until the sound of his footsteps faded before burying her face into a pillow and screaming.

She had to get to the bottom of this!

Karin changed into her attire for the day, which consisted of a loose-fitting sweater and skinny jeans.

A drunken escapade leading to a public proposal... but why couldn't she remember any of it? Something wasn't adding up.

She bit her lip and paced nervously around her room. Moments passed, and the aroma of something delicious wafted up from the kitchen.

Curiousity got the best of her and she finally made her way downstairs. Claude was standing by the stove, still shirtless but sporting a pair of joggers that showcased his assets quite obviously. Karin felt the life force draining out of her (all due to embarrassment) as she tiptoed behind him to peek at what he was making. She watched him sauté the tomatoes, onion, garlic and spices before making four small divots in the mixture and cracking four eggs into the pan.

"What's this?"

"It's called shakshuka. Basically, eggs poached in tomato sauce. My mother used to make this for us all the time."

"Smells good."

"I've poured you some tea, and there's a basket of bread on the table. Why don't you sit down first?"

"All right."

Everything felt awkward as heck, but Karin wasn't about to say no to a dreamy guy making her breakfast, especially if said guy was apparently her husband -- at least, for the time being.

"Ta-daa! Breakfast is served."

Claude lifted the cast iron pan and set it on a trivet at the table. Karin's mouth watered at the sight of the crumbled feta cheese and chopped parsley adorning the poached eggs. The two of them sipped black tea and began to eat together.

"This is amazing!" Karin gushed, stars bouncing from her eyes. "I love the smoky, spicy flavour."

"You kept rambling on and on about how much you adored spicy food, which is right up my alley." Claude winked and was very satisfied with her reaction.

"Um, well." Karin blushed, not knowing what to say. Her eyes drifted to the time on the microwave. "Ah! I have to head to work. Thank you so much for the meal."

"No worries. I'll see you tonight."

Claude stood, strong arms gripping the table edge as he leaned over for a kiss. A flustered Karin found herself shoving the last piece of pita bread into his mouth.

"See you!" she stammered, gulping down the last bit of her tea and fleeing from the room.

"What a strange girl," Claude mused to himself, smiling despite receiving the icy response. He hummed to himself as he cleared away the dishes.

He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this happy.

✦✦✦

Karin got off the bus and began walking to the university in a complete daze. Although she was a professor there, many still mistook her for a student due to her youthful looks. She probably fit the part of a student even more with her head in the clouds like it was today.

Sacred Lines

I start work tomorrow bright and early, and have to wake up at 6AM. I'm quite proud of myself for opening my laptop and coming to the blog, instead of zoning out over Fire Emblem: Three Houses like I normally do (I still might play a little, later). There's a lot to be thankful for today, and I wanted to focus on my goals; that is to say, my goals to be more diligent in writing and blogging and getting back to my first loves.

What's blocking me? Well, I'm ashamed to practice in the "silly" things that I've enjoyed in my youth, namely being creative and having fun. But, I've been watching other artists and writers pursue their hobbies and I am slowly realizing that while I don't see it seriously as a career or anything like that, I have to recognize what I'm depriving myself of. A group of us get together almost every week to play Dungeons and Dragons; nobody ridicules that! In fact, game nights are popular bonding activities for friends.

Art always imitates life. So perhaps, I should draw on my own life experiences and my love for Fire Emblem/JRPGs and create something like I did when I was younger. I always reference the 'me' from the past, but I don't know why, because I can't ever go back there. Nor should I want to! But, that being said, I do want to revamp some of my old OC's. Venhir (pronounced: veh-neer), my darling little boy that is both cheeky and mischievous. Faust, Erik, Cyril/Saviry. I had a whole cast of male OC's. But not many females ones - I should work on that... I mean, I do have Maya, who I use in Pokemon A/U's and DnD, but I haven't fleshed her out much.

In any case, now that I've been doodling away on the iPad, I can afford a bit more time in decorating some new characters for stories. So, I'd better get going! I'm off to play a bit more FE before bed. Gotta load up on my daily dose of fanservice!!! ;D But before that, I guess I'll write a little snippet of sorts. Why not, gotta push ourselves forward in life, ya? YA~!

Long-suffering

Hello, all. After a fitful sleep and a tense (muscles) morning, I arose from slumber and now I'm writing to you here. A couple of things I wanted to address this morning:

-I still can't write. Lol, nothing new here.

-I woke thinking about GG, or @plaaastic. She was a unique figure on social media that took her own life back in 2017. I used to read her blog - I'm unsure if that site is still accessible. But, the fact that she is gone is sad. She struggled a lot and ultimately wasn't able to overcome those struggles.

-I have no stories to tell. I'm not even a girl anymore, now I'm a woman. Relatively young, as I'm reaching my thirties soon. All I can do is submerge myself into other's creations. Which leads into my next point.

-Fire Emblem: Three Houses. I've been progressing through my second playthrough after choosing the Blue Lions house but before I got too far into that, I wanted to spend time reflecting on my first ~organic~ playthrough.

The game is like an otome game, mixed with fighting elements as per classic FE. The dialogue and cutscenes are exactly like some of the apps I've played, such as "Be My Princess" or "Blood in Roses". Those storylines were also impressive - I'm so envious when others can create diverse, likable characters that all come together to complete a tale.

Well, I should go walk my dog now. But I will find some time to reflect again soon. That's a promise.

Dog Mountain

Recently I've been getting into hiking as a hobby. A couple weeks ago, a few of us decided to pay Dog Mountain a visit. Unbeknownst to me was the fact that Dog Mountain is a trail in North Vancouver notorious for being crowded; fortunately the weather was overcast and wet on the day we went, so there were hardly any other visitors at all. Yay, us! I, for one, detest a crowded trail.

Deep Water

The same listless nights, the same glowing screens. The same old music, nostalgia reincarnate. Is there anything that I can do to escape my own thoughts? What are we doing this for? Another night where I should be asleep, but instead I stay swarming in useless thoughts. A shell, a fraction of my former self; although this version is more refined, there is less of her.

Ideally, strength would come naturally. There would be no need, but, that's not how life works. I've grown to realize this, later than most. Keep treading, treading on the path where we can only go forward.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I subject myself to the pain of remembering? I am a robot strapped into the hard drive of my past. Rain falling - a ghost I can still feel inside - my younger self. I breathe memories back into my being with music. Lying for hours in a dark room. Childhood I can never reclaim. Do you ever listen to songs and reflect upon a simpler time? The coldness of this world is something I can’t break away from. This selfishness; I can’t control it.

Dragon Mentality

I've been having dreams
Splashin' in a summer stream
Trip and I fall in
I wanted it to happen
My body turns to ice
Crushin' weight of paradise
Solid block of gold
Lying in the cold
I feel right at home

--Trampoline / SHAED

Life is life. Life goes on no matter what. There's nothing I can do to prevent this -- no one can. We all march forward involuntarily, resigned to our fates. Acceptance is freedom, isn't it?

I know your face, like a photograph that I can't erase

I don't really have anything to say, other than the fact that my life has been filled with work, hiking, and... existing. I've been lucky enough to be able to venture out into the wilderness with my dog and my friends, enjoying nature and the freedom that comes with it. I am happy to find likeminded people to share my hobbies with! I want to be healthier and fitter, as I've stated in previous posts, so that mission has been a steady journey.

Still... I wonder when life will surprise me? Because people sure as hell aren't! I honestly haven't had a best friend since... well, you know. But I was young and idealistic. I try to let people in but none have came remotely close to understanding who I am as a person. None have come close to at least making me feel like they understood. So perhaps, I'm still that same black-haired girl from years ago, doing the best she can.

I am lucky enough to have friends that consider me a sister, and a best friend. But do I feel the same? I feel nothing. I feel like if I lost those people, I would remain unsurprised. That's life, isn't it?

Freedom is acceptance.

Stolen Breath

you've waited for me a long time
and we have lost many days
years that we'll never get back
i left you behind to search for myself
but trust me when i say
i never stopped loving you
when your time on earth ends
i will always love you
i'm sorry i couldn't be
with you longer
though we had a good run
i will always love you
and i'm sorry to keep you waiting

i don't feel motivated to write. as usual, not much has changed on that front. i feel life's current sweeping me away - like i have no choice on where life takes me. my friend wants to start a vlog/blog about hiking trails, and i find myself taken along for the ride. i'm not unhappy about this, as i love the outdoors and running along forest paths with my dog. but, at the same time, it isn't my passion - it's his, and i'm carried along for the ride.

work is going well. i'm in a cushy office job. i have a home church where i serve. life is... stagnant at best. i wish i had some sort of excitement, but i don't. i have an average life which i should be thankful for. and i am, i am so grateful to the Lord for blessing me. but, there are hardships hidden in the shadows. i know i can overcome anything, but am i truly so afraid to be my true self?

who is she? my true self? i know she does not wear a vengeful mask. i know that, although many would not accept her for who she is, there are people who do. but life isn't about caring what other people think, is it? life is about standing your ground, with a steady stance, and continuing to be your authentic self.

my dog and i are going hiking with some friends over the weekend, as we did last weekend. i am grateful for this, as there is nothing quite like venturing through hiking trails with your beloved canine companion. and perhaps... one day i will find what i am seeking, if ever i realize myself what that may be.

Classic Flavour

i've changed so much over the years, grown into someone i can't even recognize.

that isn't to say i don't know myself; i know who i am as a person, and my core beliefs, likes and dislikes, all that pizazz. but when it comes to the fully-formed vision of who i want to be, that is still a work in progress. and that will likely be an eternal work in progress, but the least i can do is try my best to figure out what makes me, me.

for instance, i used to be able to write stories easily. the words flew out from my heart, and now, all i do is immerse myself in other people's creations. i don't want all my love going into characters others have created. i want to be able to create and love my own creations as i did when i was younger.

but now i am faced with fear. the adult fear of inadequacy, though none of that should matter as the only reason i write is for myself. no one else. and i owe myself that much, so here i go... i'll try and write something for me. someday.

Too Easy

I'm this floating cloud. Up, up, up amongst the sky where nothing is perfect. People are so easy to read...

Apathetic Curse

I've been playing Fire Emblem: Three Houses extensively over the last couple weeks and I've been finding it super fun. I'm enraptured by the charming male characters in the game - that never ceases to please. My favourite characters are Dimitri, Felix, and Ashe - not necessarily in that order, but all three of them really glowed up over the course of the game and all three have their own distinct charms.

Still, as I play through this game I find myself 50/50 about my investment level compared to Awakening or Fates, which I've replayed several times. It's a good story, and the gameplay is fluid and easy to manage, however I find myself less enthused about many things as I've grown older.

For instance, I fangirled HARD over Sacred Stones and replayed the heck out of that game when I was younger. When I compare my enjoyment of FE now on a gaming console with better graphics to the 8-bit games of old, I somehow feel apathetic about the games now. They capture my attention for a brief time, like a cheap thrill, but at the end of the day the impact on my creativity is minimal. I suppose that's the way of things, now.

Many people look out for me. Friends, colleagues, family. And yet, I feel...

The Time Is Now

-state something that is true.
-tell a story.
-personalize it.

ok... here goes. 

Well, it's a new season for me. I feel myself growing and it's uncomfortable. These growing pains aren't something I'm sure I can handle, but I don't have a choice. I have to be a soldier; I don't have a choice. It's a fallen world, so we have to fight to accomplish what is necessary regardless of how we truly feel.

How nice it would be, if I was a naive child again. Admittedly, I'm still quite naive in nature, but I'm working on growing thicker skin. Being called for something bigger, striving to be humble and strong, working towards my goals.

We just got to learn how to get through the hard times.

Feeding Frenzy

Guess who's back, baby?
RIDE THE INSPIRATION TRAIN!!!

White-collar Life

Hello! I've been gradually settling into my new position as a KE. It's basically an admin and technical support position where we assist front-line agents. I am grateful that God has allowed me to naturally progress on my journey in life. I always have no idea where I'm going to end up, but hindsight always puts me in a position of learning.

Yesterday, I was upstairs on my old office floor of 8, walking around to provide support to my peers. I truly did feel like Byleth the professor surveying around the monastery, especially since I am technically a tier above my fellow agents and some of them are more tenured and have way more technical knowledge than I possess. I suppose I lend my assistance in other ways. I am focusing on bettering myself overall, so if I can achieve that goal bit-by-bit, I'm happy.

My colleague Rico, who recently came back from Japan, brought back a Sailor Venus doll for me! She's the cutest, I really love my gift! 

She is precious! 😍

To the right of her is my golden book-shaped clock/photo frame with a picture of young Matt Damon. Another colleague found it in Value Village and told me I should get it, and I figured, why not! Haha. Work has been filled with so many fun things these days... I'm truly fortunate.

FE Rambles & Co.

I constantly have thoughts swirling through my head throughout the day, but whenever I sit down to try and collect them, I am never successful. It's like whenever I'm sitting in front of the screen, everything I long to say escapes me, but it was never like that before!

I used to be able to sit here and talk freely about whatever was on my mind - things I love to do, things that happened in my day, or whatever feelings were present at the time. Something has numbed me; perhaps, I have numbed myself in the process of trying to grow up.

Anyway, I've been unwell again and sometimes I feel like my body isn't doing right by me. I have a pretty delicate stomach these days and I never used to. There were a couple mornings last week where I threw up on the way to work, and eating certain foods makes feel nauseous. But I digress, I did not come to talk about my boring work issues. I came to talk about FIRE EMBLEM!!!

You see, I've been playing Three Houses and I've been really enjoying being a busty, navel-boasting, expressionless professor at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What? OH LOL, ok wrong fandom. anywho, it's been a real good ride getting to know all the little teenyboppers from the Blue Lions house. i finally realized why i enjoy Fire Emblem so much, as opposed to other gaming franchises.

a central theme in FE is being a noble (lord/lady, prince/princess) and born into whatever role they happened to be in. I often feel like I am trapped in my role as well. My family has always been a loving one. Although i do not always get along with my younger siblings, i know they care for me, and my parents would do anything for us. i enjoy the benefits of coming from a loving family who is financially stable. i drive a car, i have a job, i own a dog, i can afford to dine out and purchase nice things, whatever i fancy, to an extent. but i am fully aware that these blessings come from my family, who i was born as on this earth, and very little of are fruits of my labour. it's like being from a noble house in Fire Emblem.

i owe so much to my family that i have a role to fulfill. as a daughter, as a big sister, as a lady. i feel the pressures surround me and i know i cannot escape from my obligations to my family, even though sometimes all i want to do is run away. it is the way of things, isn't it? i couldn't possibly make it on my own without sacrificing a level of my standard of living. many people don't understand that. if i were to live a more frugal life, and gave up a portion of the luxuries i enjoy, perhaps i would be feeling a lot more independent and mentally well. but at this time, i financially carry a portion of my household, and i feel as if that is the way it should be. even if i'm unhappy.

Fiction

lately, i'd rather play mobile games than write anything here in my personal space. there's too much swimming around in my mind these days - i don't want to face or deal with any of it. i've found it difficult to express my thoughts through blogging. maybe i've gotten rusty.

i remember i used to be able to write about anything, but i'm considering a purge. purging everything, starting... nothing new, but just existing in nothing. somehow, that feels comforting. more comforting than having to face a white canvas, struggling to fill it with even a splash of meaning.

She still felt the discomfort in her chest – the sudden shortness of breath, as if her lungs were collapsing – whenever he crossed her mind. Their history was short, but she vividly recalled the depths of his eyes, his uplifting smile, the curve of his nose, and his elegant cheekbones...

Waitlist

Sometimes, it amazes me how entitled people really are. How entitled they are, to believe that they are entitled to any ounce of anyone else's attention? Their arrogant personalities sicken me - how arrogant they are! As if they could ever mean something in the grand scheme. But, despite my pretentious thought patterns, they never learn humility. Not my problem now, is it?

Onmyoji Karin!

Ahh, I am obsessed with another lottery-style mobile game. Move over FEH, now it's time for me to be obsessed over Onmyoji.

Set in a fantasy feudal Japan, this game has incredible character designs and artwork. I'm still figuring out the game mechanics but only after 5 days of playing I've already pulled an SP and 2 SSR shikigami!!!

Cute shota boy fox shiki~ He's adorbs!

Ibaraki Doji's special version

I even got Onikiri! WoooOooOoo~ apparently, he's OP!

Interview with the Technical

Omigosh today was my interview for the new KE position at my office. I went in dressed in business casual attire, with my hair freshly washed, and gave it my all! I had already prepped for a couple weeks with colleagues that were all geared towards my success. I was told I did well by several colleagues so we will know by next week if I get my new position! I am really stoked and excited to hear the results from the interview.

Other notes - I was looking at new figures to display on my desk at work. I finally caved and bought casual Shigure figure by EXQ in cute l'il overalls! So I'm waiting for that to arrive and hopefully it will arrive by the time I hear back about the interview.

My dream figure is actually "LAVENDER QUARTZ Lana Torabishi" but I definitely am not looking to spluge that much money on a figure, no matter how pretty she is. Ha-ha.

Lana Torabishi

Blessed Day

Today has been a wonderful day so far! I can't believe how great my mood is today, and things in the universe are all lining up in my favour.

After a night of enjoying wine with my dear buddy Christian, I stumbled home and took a nice hot bath before crashing into a restful sleep. The next morning, I allowed myself to sleep in a bit before putting on a cute dress and heading downstairs to speak with my mother and father. Whipping up a smoothie, I shared it with my dad before heading off to work, and my dear friend Errel informed me that he had ordered me bubbletea! He is such a generous and caring friend. He even bought me a delicious ramen lunch, which I so greatly appreciate. As soon as I finish this work day I'll have my weekend and a nice father's day dinner with the family.

Existence

waiting, i'm waiting.
no other way to describe
impatiently
biding my time

is there a purpose to it all? fading into patterns.
indecision without passion - but stability isn't bad, is it?
stability and
a floatation device through deep waters

Sun, Sun, Sun

I am in pain from hitting the gym again after an eternity. I did some cardio, stretching, and weight lifting. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me! But I need to control my diet and get my body back to the way it was last year (or was it 2 years ago now -- haha). It was a rude wake-up call to not be able to fit comfortably into the summer dresses from last year, and the brand sports bras I bought fit snug. Sigh!

What's new? Um, I'm applying to a new position at work. I have to write a cover letter and spruce up my resume. Which I should have done today, but I ended up sleeping in at Bruno's house until two in the afternoon. There's always tomorrow, heh.

I've been working on my tan like I do every summer. And um, I planted some bright red gerbera daisies in our front yard. I hope they survive. And um, that's all for now!

Idle Status

Been playing a lot of Fire Emblem Heroes, as usual. I truly love Fire Emblem as a franchise and vividly remember sitting in the hallways at lunchtime when I was in elementary school, plugging away at FE8: Sacred Stones on my Gameboy Advance. I was around thirteen years old then.

Now, at twenty-seven, I still love the characters more than ever. And I've been thinking about whether or not to 5* Naesala, the raven king. I do like him, but I'm unsure of how much I like him. I've saved up 200k hero feathers, and occasionally spend them on merging units that I'm working on (cough, L'Arachel, and Olivia - haha).

The top characters I use in FEH are:

Celica - This nuclear princess wrecks everything with her destructive Ragnarok build! And she's gorgeous to boot!
Nowi - I decided to +10 her as +ATK -HP, and she's my best distant defence unit.
P!Azura - Her personal weapon's effect and her colour typing makes her a great support, coupled with Wings of Mercy 3/Drive Res 2/Drive Def 2.
Fallen Robin (M) - I normally dislike armoured units because of their movement limitation, but because I was blessed with a perfect IV +ATK -HP Grima, I invested in him and he's quickly become a team staple. My impatience is curbed by the Armoured Boots seal, although that slot could be utilized better with another seal.
Summer!Takumi - His summer attire and firesweep bow are a match made in heaven. The kinshi is the cherry on top.
NY!Azura - A refresher with access to flier buffs - 'nuff said!

Runner up: Adrift Corrin (M), which is basically a weaker Nowi sub in chain challenges. (Harem pants, harem pants! Drea~am prince~!)

I have to say, Summer!Takumi with Firesweep Bow+ and flier buffs absolutely destroys opponents. I don't regret sacrificing my merged, perfect IV Innes to him, since I had long ago foddered Faye to Innes. I rarely used Innes, and do have other copies of him, but it was a sacrifice that had to be done for the greater good. Sometimes life is about making those difficult choices! 😂

Quietness

Here I sit, drinking coffee made from a french press. I've just finished reading "Passion & Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot, and the book has left me pondering about a great many things - precisely, things that concern my walk with God.

My home church, Tenth Church in Mount Pleasant, has been a place God called me to. I am fortunate enough to serve on the children's ministry, and I feel that is a great blessing. I'm also on the connections team as an usher but I don't enjoy that position as much, even though I will do what I am called to do. Recently I met a group of lovely girls from church and bonded closely with one of them. It's funny how life turns out speckled with signs from God when one is a believer.

But I digress. I feel a calling for me to start writing again, and to start being less fearful. I'll see how well I can abide.

Boo

greetings, friends. life has resumed back to normal frequencies, as in, 'heartbreak central' and 'irrational ideas' has ceased broadcasting. ugh, i was down in the dumps but now i'm floating back up to normality.

looking at past photos, man i was so fat! i'm starting to become a bit more active in the hopes of getting my weight down, lol. chubby k isn't very happy with herself, but she also loves eating...

Values

I did a terrible thing. Yes, I did. Four times over it happened. But situations like that take two to tango, and there was only so much willpower to be had against someone like me.

Setting a trap and disregarding my own dignity. For no purpose but self satisfaction. I should feel sorry, shouldn't I? But I only feel satisfaction. I am not different after all. I am a monster, the same as anyone else.

Dignity

It took me so long to finally sever the cord.

Stepping Stones

now the time is right you wanna do me so wrong

the truth is the salt in an open wound. my heart is torn open and i'm 11/10 raw from being awoken by pipe dreams that stir up my soul, my hopes and desires flaming!

so many people i'm thankful for in my times of sadness, when the tears won't stop because they're fuel from the stream of my soul. however! everything serves its purpose, pain serves its purpose. i've used people for the wrong reasons and that's on me, because i wanted an image. and honestly, everyone is replaceable one way or another.

i guess what made everything so perfect was how easy everything was. it was so perfect. it was everything! but i've had that before. it really doesn't mean anything, after all, it could be with anyone. but those two 'someones' both have to be in agreement. and this time i guess it's the same i predicted but didn't hope to find.

that we weren't in the same place and he can't do anything about it isn't his fault. bondage is a pretty harsh thing. i have my own issues but i sometimes wonder if other people don't want to be with me because i'm 'not enough'. then i laugh and think, yeah right. people who don't want to be with me don't feel like they can live up to the expectations that i deserve.

Body Count

Another itch to be scratched, another flimsy excuse for human interactions that add nothing to a person's soul.

To Life

life has been good! i supposed that's why i haven't had time or energy to write a lot. i have to go and walk my dog but still i enjoy blogging and expressing my thoughts for self-development. i suppose i mostly do it through speaking with friends, sorry sheepdoll i've been neglecting you.

and now i must peel myself out of bed to walk my doggo, jackeronis!

Sun In My Eyes

well, i'm here. born from the night, caught up in another dream. clinging onto another energy, over and over because i can't recharge myself. ugh!

Imagine

i'm always careful
not to fall too deep
into a world
i can't keep
sometimes i can't sleep
wonderin' why i can't meet
the one for me
am i too weak?
no certainty
that God hears my pleas







Another night of confusion - but where does it end? Where does it start? Since the beginning of time, things - confusion - w-what? what is love?


love? i've never
really known what love is
except love for myself
isn't that
selfish?

human
condition
emotion
inhibition

as real as they come
beginning and ending as one

Turn Around

Life is full of these uncomfortable feelings that shake me as I grow. I am thankful for these experiences, the opportunity to acknowledge my pain points and the areas in which I need to grow and mature. But the discomfort shakes me to my core, I want to run away, to flee and hide and pretend like I don't want to reach up for what I am seeking to find.

Upside Down

Lol, guess who called me just before 11PM yesterday? Mar.
What is his problem...?

Dice Daze

Howdy, y'all. Last night was yet another session of DnD, hosted at yours truly. It really seems like things are getting intense! We've been running this campaign for about 4 months and I'm really glad we are powering through everything.

I finally caved and bought my first set of dice from Chessex - ta-da~!

Water by Chessex

It took me a while to decide which set I wanted to get first, but since my character Maya has a swan as her family sigil, I decided this set was fitting. I then splurged on two other sets of even more beautiful dice from Gamescience! So I'll photograph those when I receive them.

Middle Ground

I woke up after a long sleep and still felt groggy. It's Saturday, but I don't have anything planned except to go home and perhaps exercise? Another busy day tomorrow - when does it ever end? I suppose when I'm dead and gone to the next stage of life - which is eternal happiness in heaven. So, until then, I have to endure the daily grind and enjoy the moments of reprieve when they happen.

Today is a very strange day for me, where I'm left feeling neutral about everything. Neither pleased, nor displeased. Things are unfolding the way they should be! I am grateful for that; I keep pressing on.

Valentine's Day was a lot of fun. I got chocolates, flowers, a card, and even a Chikorita plushie from my Valentine. I suppose I have a new one each year, don't I? I-is that bad?

Restoration

Life is always filled with ups and downs, and it is how we react to downfalls - how we stay steady - that defines our strength.

Visitor

Last night was a bundle of warmth on a cold February's day.

After Party

This is how it ends. A lost umbrella, harsh words, and stinging. Lots of stinging. Smoke-in-her-eyes stinging. She saw it coming, but refused to believe it until the words left his lips. She had no choice.

But I'm a sunflower, a little funny
If I was a rose, maybe you'd pick me

Vacation

They were from different worlds. They couldn't - shouldn't - love each other. Yet when she uttered the words I care about you, he responded: I care about you too.

But he didn't mean it that way. She didn't know what way he actually meant it. It was purely a relationship of convenience, that was all. All turmoil and fabrication, but she allowed the cloth to fall over her eyes and willingly headed into darkness.

He was considerate, she gave him that. She was often brash and rude, but he accepted her rebukes with grace. He didn't deserve that. He was only ever accommodating. They were not similar, that was all. It was pleasure and pain; passion was never worth anything.

Free Falling

The girl fell into a pit, and she couldn't seem to climb back out. Maybe her arms were too weak. But even if she did manage to scramble up out of the dirt, she's already grown accustomed to the pit's comforting depths. The darkness and warmth of the void is a comfort in itself, however unhealthy the situation may be.

...I wasn't able to write about this successfully for a while, because the whole ordeal was quite unbecoming of me as a lady. Bring everything to the light, yeah? Let's just say... I took a vacation, lasting roughly two weeks, and indulged in worldly activities. But tonight I was strong(?) enough to break free, if only for a little while.

Let's keep this good thing going, I guess.

There's no way for me to return to that island, anyway, because I deleted all traces of that illegitimate vacation. And I'm still wading through the afterglow of my poor decisions. But I don't feel bad for nipping a toxic situation in the bud and looking out for my own mental health. Falling into a pitfall is no fun, especially when I dug the hole myself...!!!

Pretty Faces

there's a lot of pretty faces around
sometimes i get tired of seeing them,
but they didn't choose to be desirable
the world attached a value to them
measured by earthly, mortal instruments

another night on the town. the town, of my mind. where i'm floating but everything is oh-so-hazy, like a vision smothered in smog. haze on haze on haze. and within that haze... a girl wades around, searching for clarity.

she tries to understand what is going on in his head, but can't. perhaps because she set the boundaries, fun is all she'll get. would he ever open his mouth if otherwise? she convinces herself she understands him, that his aloofness is due to trauma, past circumstances behind his control. those are excuses, excuses she doesn't want to give him for the benefit-of-the-doubt. but does anyway, because he is a stranger, a pretty face.

he says he likes being as pale as the moon
he says he can't understand the allure of the sun
he prides himself on his appearance
perhaps shreds are all he has left
he, too, is another lost star i can't have
in a lover's sea of stars

Observatory

Fortune only comes to those who are ready
And if you're not
I don't expect you to understand

I finally know the ending of my tale. The ending that has eluded me for almost 10 years, I realized now while staring into a young man's eyes.

They could never be together; they were from different worlds. However, she left home to be with him, for a brief moment of temporary happiness in a lonely place. Surely he won't understand, not now, but maybe in time. She prayed this for him, prayed for his happiness.

In the end, they do part ways. She returns home to her rightful place, and he... well, she doesn't know what becomes of him after. 

Not yet, anyway.

She can't escape darkness's grasps, even though her family says she should flee. She isn't helpless, but willingly chooses to walk the path of thorns. 

Why?

She can't answer. The darkness is part of her very being, twisted in her core.