Classic Flavour

i've changed so much over the years, grown into someone i can't even recognize.

that isn't to say i don't know myself; i know who i am as a person, and my core beliefs, likes and dislikes, all that pizazz. but when it comes to the fully-formed vision of who i want to be, that is still a work in progress. and that will likely be an eternal work in progress, but the least i can do is try my best to figure out what makes me, me.

for instance, i used to be able to write stories easily. the words flew out from my heart, and now, all i do is immerse myself in other people's creations. i don't want all my love going into characters others have created. i want to be able to create and love my own creations as i did when i was younger.

but now i am faced with fear. the adult fear of inadequacy, though none of that should matter as the only reason i write is for myself. no one else. and i owe myself that much, so here i go... i'll try and write something for me. someday.



~~


Though it was late, I found myself unable to sleep. Tossing and turning, I clutched at the sheets until my knuckles turned white.

"How am I supposed to sleep if you keep moving around?" an irritated voice piped up from within the darkness, scattering my thoughts.

I'd almost forgotten that I wasn't alone; years had passed since I last lived with someone.

"Oh, Luche. I'm sorry. I've got a lot on my mind."

I gathered the small figure beside me into my arms, smoothing over her crown of golden hair with my fingertips.

"What is troubling you so much?" she mumbled. "Does it bother you that I'm here?"

I smiled at her reassuringly. "That's not it."

"What is it, then?"

A part of me wanted to tell her the truth, but I knew I couldn't do that. She was under my protection now, and there was no need to worry her further.

"Go to sleep," I murmured. "I'll try and be still."

The young girl let out a huff before relaxing into my embrace. She buried her sleepy face into my chest and I felt her breathing grow steady as I continued to gaze up at the ceiling.