Leave You

i'm caught in another sandstorm

when will it end?

the affections of many, like grains of sand 

i still want what lies behind my reach

this lying, deceitful heart 

i didn't think i'd get so caught up again

but i can't throw it away

Desire Sensor x Naginata of Choice

Oh my gosh I cannot believe I finally managed to forge SHIZUKAGATA NAGINATA! 

I've been forging for weeks now. I don't know exactly for how long, but trust me when I say that all my resources, specifically whetstone, were extremely depleted.😤

(Not the only thing we can work on together...)

I absolutely love his VA and he is so polite. I value characters who have good manners. Plus, HULLO?! WHAT IS HE WEARING--??? IT'S HOT?!

His damaged art makes me feel dirty HAHAHA but it's not like we can look away? It's like, art purposefully drawn to be suggestive. And NO, I am not posting it here!!! (OK maybe sometime but not now.)

Anyway, it happened to be the birthday of a character named Barbatos in the 'Obey Me!' game series. Since we call Shizukagata by the nickname "Barbatos Abs" (they do have a bit of a similarity), perhaps it was a catalyst. Or maybe just the Fuji I got from completing the event missions. Who knows??

Welp, here is the Saniwa Style profile for this danshi:

Name: Shizukagata Naginata

Nickname(s): Mr. Vampire, Barbatos, Sexy Naginata

Why he's beloved: Welp, I just really love his long claws (perfect for back scratches!) and his overall "vampire" look reminds me of a Chinese vampire/zombie. Plus wow, his outfit is very easy on the eyes. The man has got it going on!

I can't wait to kiwame him, he's risen to the top of my fav list in a very short time. Can't wait!💕

Livin' My Best Life: Enter 2021

Henlo, all! 2020 was challenging, but we've finally turned over a new leaf into the new year. To be truly honest with you, my 2020 wasn't that bad. I kept my job and got to work from home, therefore spending every day with my dog. I still ate what I wanted, and got to experience a lot of nummy foods that I hadn't tried before: most notably Octopus Garden, Sushi bar Shu, Kuroki Kaiseki Omakase Kitchen, Pluvio, and Wolf in the Fog! I also watched a TON of amazing new shows and movies that I wouldn't have had the time to watch otherwise (Dhoom 2, Son: The Guest, and Sweet Home to mention a few). 

I even churned out a couple art pieces, haha!

Thinking back, my birthday in July was amazing, as full lockdowns hadn't been implemented during that time. My BFF surprised me with horseback riding, which was amazing - I had such a fun time! My family and I ate together at Hart House, as we normally do when my dad isn't back (if he's around we go to Dynasty Seafood Restaurant on W Broadway). I got to spend time at the beach (White Rock and Kits) and eat a fabulous meal at Octopus Garden. 

I also had the opportunity to visit Vancouver Island, staying at Ocean Village Resort in Tofino. It was nice to be able to escape from the city, if only for a few days. We hiked, we ate, we visited the aquarium, and I even met a kind doggo (sorry for cheating on your Jacks!). Of course, all social distancing and mandatory mask rules were observed, we did not break any laws. I recognize that I'm lucky compared to a lot of people and I am grateful! Thank you Lord. 

This year I hope I can stay more positive throughout life's challenges. I know how easy it is to fall into a negative state of mind, but sometimes the only thing breaking your own heart is 3.8 billion years of evolutionary programming! I saw that on a meme somewhere, and find it to be true.

SOOO last night I was trying to create a catalyst to summon a UR wrath Simeon card, so I wrote a short snippet of a story. ALAS, he did not come to me, but I'm hoping this means that an even better UR card will arrive to me in the future. Anyway, here it will go. Ciao for now!

On a cold winter morning, Simeon came to visit Karin at [ADDRESS REDACTED]. Karin was surprised and wore a look of shock after opening the door to greet him.

"Nani? Simeon?" she exclaimed.

"Hello, Karin," the angel greeted. "We are neighbours now, as I recently moved into unit 157, renting from your friend Ranjit. I am making pancakes for breakfast and have run out of sugar. May I borrow a cup of sugar?" 

Karin welcomed him into her home and asked him to sit down. She scooped a huge amount of sugar into a ziploc bag and handed it to Simeon. She always kept baking ingredients on hand, because her friend S-tan loved Apple Pies and she was constantly baking them for him.

"Before you go, would you like to stay for some tea or coffee?" Karin asked shyly. "I put the kettle on and the coffeemaker's almost done."

"I'm afraid I am in the middle of cooking with my housemate Luke," Simeon said. "But why don't you come over and have some pancakes with us? We can make enough for all of us."

"That sounds wonderful," said Karin with a smile. "But remember that my home is your home, and you are welcome here anytime."

"Thank you. That's so nice of you to say. I will take you up on that offer in the future," Simeon replied. "See you in a bit."

Simeon left and Karin went to get changed into comfy Leviathan's jeans that PJ got her and a fuzzy hoodie. She felt super happy to have nice friends to eat breakfast with next door.

THE END

Houseplants

i thought i would ramble a bit to get thoughts out of my mind. why can't we scream in our minds? i don't know. this eternal voice in my head is mute, but at the same time, says so much... for instance, all my windowsill plants. i wanted to talk about the indoor house plants i keep, and will probably take photos of them to accompany this post later on, haha. yeah my hobbies are weird, but i'm doing this for myself! writing makes me happy and bloggin' makes me happy and ... i've somehow gotten myself into houseplants. let's check out how that happened.

well after i got promoted in july, a colleague gifted me a small baby rose plant, which was affectionately named Pipplant in commemoration of the gifter. I also call it Rosie, so I suppose the plant's name is Rosie Pipplant. It's doing well, having grown beautiful bushy blossoms over the summer, and currently has a couple roses with deep green, lush leaves.

after that, comes the two succulent plants that i bought from ikea. i never knew ikea plants were hardy, but i guess i should have known since when i was young i bought a small bamboo plant from there; don't quite remember what happened to it. anyway, i bought a spiky one and a more called an "echeveria elegans", which i have since planted outside next to my gerbera dairy plant. spiky plant is called Plantsy. echeveria doesn't have a name but it's still doing well outside in the winter weather, which is nuts. so is the gerbera plant which i for sure thought was going to die, but we'll get into that later.

a) the spiky plant i bought because when i picked it up from the pot, i saw it's long root had poked out of it and was dangling from a hole. i thought to myself, this one is a fighter. i took it home and had to give it a chance to life a comfortable life, cared for by moi. i repotted this plant twice, and it currently lives in a cheery green pot from the dollar store.

b) echeveria plant: i have to say i didn't feel much connection to this plant so i planted it outside. it's still alive and moves its petals around, i was unsure if it would survive the vancouver winter but since the weather has been (i presume) mild, it should be fine.

now the gerbera plant, when i bought it from the grocery store was a beautiful bright red with yellow accents. i planted it in the soil outside over the summer and ants kept pestering it. most of the flowers wilted and the leaves were eaten by bugs. i thought for sure it would be gone, but it's still alive and kickin' with two flower stalks grown! i will continue to care for it over the winter and hopefully it feels more lively in the spring.

i have two cactus, one with large spikes and another smaller fuzzy one. i bought the big one after work when i went to the mall with my friends, and the fuzzy one was a gift from my dear friend. the large one i can't remember what i decided to name it, but the smaller one is Dimitri Cactus. DC is in a bulbasaur planter, and bigger cactus is in a bright yellow eggshell-shaped planter that i got from my old workplace over easter.

last but not least is Mint/Minty, the small christmas shrub... can't quite remember the plant name but i have it on a tag downstairs. i'll note it down when i can. it's like a small tree-plant and smells like a lemony, minty, fresh scent. i got this plant from visiting the deer lake arts fair with friends! it was free, we had a great time.

anyway, those are my plants. they sit on my windowsill, in the kitchen, and outside in the garden. when the weather gets nicer i'll tend to the garden a bit more seriously. i'm a bit iffy about bugs, but when out in nature, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

welp, catch ya later. -K

Knife

what is coming to mind at this moment?
nothing but pure bliss.
not pure but
bliss in the worldly sense
a sense of
missing purpose

i'll always miss my memories. familiarity is comfort. i miss my youth, i miss naivety, i don't want to be an adult. yet, although i would consider myself possessing the body of a youth, my actual years are far from that of a young girl's.

sometimes, i wonder if my memories were ever even real. if i've ever really loved as much as i have, hurt as much as i have. i think back on my high school infatuations and feel... like they could have easily been a dream. everything is so far away now, things could very well have been something from another universe.

i'm the same, and at the same time, different. hard to explain... but it's true. a catalyst, ever changing, within myself.

Spherical

"what a horrible night to have a curse..."
(although i suppose no night would be a good night if one is cursed...)


once again, i'm having trouble...

sitting in the night, unable to create anything of substantial value, even in my own eyes. what trickery is this, that i used to create worlds with ease, and that has all faded away like a worn photograph?

perhaps being an artist is not truly my calling. all i'm familiar with is dulling my senses and turning away from the truth.

nothing is comfort. everything is uncomfortable. and yet, i chase discomfort. we all do. it is inevitable. wanting to be something. haha, i'm so deep sometimes, aren't i? i feel like we all have the capacity to express ourselves and put something forth from our thoughts, but a lot of us aren't trained to do this and don't hone the skill enough.

anyway, another night where i ain't got nothin'! ciao ciaooo

Lune Rogue

show me where the light stays
meet me on the highway 

i wish i could create something to move others. i wish i could move myself. i'm trapped and lost at the same time.

what can i do to break out of my own mind? life is, good. or is it, bad?
life is filled with endless torments, and yet, i yearn for the brief moments where the sunlight breaks through the cracks in the broken window of my heart.

Love Triangle

Sometimes my mind drifts to whether or not Karelos and Cloud get a happy ending. I mean they're clearly meant to be, and have a fairytale relationship, but then she meets Noctis and has to fuck everything up. I mean I start to feel bad for Noctis because over time I think he really did get attached to her and he becomes quite protective of her which contrasts extremely with the way he treated her before.

All my friends think Karelos belongs with Cloud. Of course they would, as Karelos is my alter-ego, isn't she? Even after all these years. Anyway, no one has anything good to say about Noctis. Not Jessica, not Danni, not even Michi! Haha. It's hilarious how people willingly indulge my fangirling and treat it as if it's normal. I guess nothing is really normal, though.

But I feel like Noctis and Karelos are quite compatible because they both have this "dark side" of their personalities, you know. As if they want to enjoy all the worldly pleasures, but they do feel guilty about it but can't change. Karelos feels inadequate to Cloud's pure brightness, the way he's always kind and righteous. It can be tiring, can't it? Some people are good people and that warmth radiates from their core, but others need to put just a bit more effort. I feel that way, anyway.

So I don't know how I want to conclude this love triangle. I mean it's like a dating simulator with multiple endings: bad ending would be Noctis has the murder-suicide episode when Karelos tries to leave him, good ending would be Karelos breaks away from Noctis and ends up happily with Cloud with the white picket fence and kids. Or maybe she stays with Noctis and lives her life as a wealthy trophy-wife, who knows. And obviously I'm just borrowing the Final Fantasy characters as placeholders for my own characters. I mean whatever, I can write my fanfiction can't I? It's my blog and besides, 50 Shades of Grey started out as Twilight fanfiction so you just never know!

Rescue Me

spiritual awakening in my mind
losing my mind
stuck in my mind
my body moves with a mind of its own
distracted, thoughts flying
through my mind
my heart twangs in pain
anticipating pain
bracing itself,
making me feel so alive
so i can fall and feel

Wow, everything is crumbling and falling around me like melting skyscrapers. It oftentimes feels as if I'll never escape the turmoil and angst hidden within my own mind. My own privilege and good fortune are things I struggle to appreciate and come to terms with.

I try to write something, anything, in order to see myself as a writer again, if I ever really was one. But my adult mind is dulled, and my muse has died.

If only--

Worldly Passions

lately it's been a struggle with my faith. i know humility is valued and we must want others to be lifted while wanting little for the self. no need to be understood,  or accepted. no fear of being lonely.

but sin tastes so good. the mind is willing but the flesh is weak. and the heart... the heart is torn in half. tearing me in half.

i can only hope my labour is not in vain, as is promised. even if it is... i can only endure.

wishes don't come true, do they?

and if they do...

we will only end in punishment. i have no tales left to tell.

Virtual Reality

Ahh, another weekend over with. I've been tryna eat less, but it seems like the universe is working full-force against me and I've actually been stuffing myself full each and every day. Tonight I had a scrumptious Alaska king crab dinner at a lovely Chinese restaurant with family friends. It was delicious! I felt truly fortunate and blessed to enjoy such a hefty, fine meal. And last night, after work, I went over to my friend's house to hang out and ate a lovely chicken dinner with her while watching Food Battle & Prince of Stride. It's the little things in life, huh?

...So, I promised I wouldn't share this with anyone but I wanted to keep this safe here. My good friend took a photo of me on the skytrain and ended up turning the photo into a sketch. I'm obviously feelin' very flattered, as it's been a long time since someone has gifted me art. Ta-da~!

I don't normally post photos where I'm not wearing makeup, but...
My friend drew me super! adorably! 😍 #BLESSED

Life makes me live and die again, only to breathe life into me in small/random intervals. It's a suffocating life, it really is. I just want to feel things, a large variety of things! But everything escapes me these days. I'm torn between tryna chase feelings from the past, and balancing that with moving/looking towards the future.

One thing I am lamenting over, is how I'll have to cut my hair shorter due to having bleached/dyed it so many times over the years. It's been breaking and is lookin' quite thin and fine these days. I'm crying internally, but hey, it's just hair. It'll grow back in another few years lol. I'm consoling/steeling myself mentally in preparation. But hey, a funny thing about my hair colour is that people at work actually call me the "white-haired/silver-haired" girl. Which is a pretty cool nickname, I'd have to admit.

Tomorrow, I go back to living normal life. At least I can spend time with L after work, she always picks me up when I'm feeling low.

X

I have a true name, and I have secrets.
Promises always get broken.

there are days where i put on the mask that people are not born with, but given
and i contemplate a variety of different subjects that most people don't care to talk about. i wonder if there is more to life than accepting the way things are. i wonder if there is a secret path to awakening, a spiritual and mental awakening, to truly show us what we are.

for myself... i sometimes feel free and i sometimes feel suffocated, like i'm drowning. i feel like i see everyone so clear, their motives, their ugliness. isn't it disheartening? i can't accept, i need to push it all away before it corrupts me.

some days i feel numb, other days are filled with acceptance, and more of them are filled with an indescribable longing.

Take Me There

another lazy sunday spent relaxing at home, playing fire emblem heroes. it's been my daily form of entertainment, and i must say that while the game can be pretty repetitive, the characters are as charming as ever.

somehow a blank slate always leaves me feeling apprehensive. but it's strange, i can't move forward and i can't move back, because even if the page is filled with words, i can't push myself past a certain point. i can't finish anything i start. so, i need to fix that about myself.

anyway, my story, lighthouse... i named it lighthouse because it's the tale that is trying to guide me through the ocean in the dark night. and, fire emblem has become such a big thing for me now. much like how kingdom hearts and pokemon filled my younger days.

and... so far, it's the summon kiran--who is a character between lucina and nowi's build--and how she's been trying to help out the order of heroes. but, during the zachariah arc, alfonse springs feelings on her because he's feeling lonely. and that confuses her. shouldn't it?

meanwhile, shareena has gotten ephraim to target the summoner for whatever reason. she likes causing drama, i suppose. and, by request, camilla aids the summoner by wrestling ephraim off... heh. man, i'm working on my action scenes but they've never been my forte, huh?

i want the next part to be kiran waking up in camilla's room. and since camilla is always up late, she sleeps in while kiran wakes up and decides to grab some scrolls to study in the mess hall before breakfast.

leading into my takumi encounter... now damn it, why can't i execute? what's holding me back? mmm... i know what's holding me back. my own lack of skillz!

Being Patient

Yesterday night I was lying in bed and thinking how horrible the world is because everyone is born different sizes. I wish there was a standard size everyone's body would be born as. No only would bullying and eating disorders not exist, but everyone's self esteem would be higher (although I suppose humans would just find something else to laugh at others about).

The incident that triggered this trail of thought was a Chess Chocolate dress from Angelic Pretty. As you may know, I am seeking the pink jabot JSK for an upcoming New Year's gathering. However, the one seller I've found is of a reasonably bigger size than I am. (I am 82~84CM bust, 63cm waist; the seller is about 100cm bust alone). I know that Chess Chocolate is considered to be a good plus-sized dress because of the full back shirring, but now I'm concerned that when I receive the dress, the shirring will be all stretched and worn out. My Wonder Story dress in red, which I also bought from a friend who is a larger size than me, already has the elastic in the shirring loose-ish when I pulled on it. (Compared to my Honey Cake and Sugar Hearts JSK which have like-new back shirring).

I really don't like how lolita fashion makes everything one-size. Even Emily Temple Cute dresses are a bit loose on me, but they are still a better fit than AP. I feel a little annoyed that the dresses are stretched out by larger wearers that eventually resell them (used). I know this is selfish of me, because humans cannot control what size their bodies will be, but I just feel annoyed that such a beautiful and perfect dress may not fit me (and already even if bought brand-new, the standard measurements still wouldn't fit me well).

I'm not saying plus-sized lolitas shouldn't wear lolita, I'm just frustrated at how hard it has been to find the dress I want to buy. And the one seller I did find happens to be of a different size than I am, just makes me a bit troubled...

And lol while I was typing this some old man stopped to "admire how fast I typed" and told me how he used to teach people how to type on typewriters. But now he cannot even type on the computer anymore! Oh, the woes of aging, and also the woes of shirring... 

Sunshine

Every human's greatest wish is to be known. Truly, truly known, and accepted by someone they care about and feel connected to. This is the deepest level of intimacy, and I would imagine a lot of people do not even come close to scratching the surface of "knowing" their other half or those around them.

Does anyone even really know themselves? I find myself trying harder and harder to live in the present, striving to become more connected to this world and my own body.

A lot of people are afraid to let themselves be vulnerable and hurt by others, and this is OK. Your brain is biologically wired to defend you, protecting you from threats and harm -- just like in prehistoric times. The difference is, in present times, your brain still doesn't realize sad emotions and vulnerability won't kill you. Still, the brain does a wonderful job in putting up walls and defences to numb us to situations that may end up hurting us... but, in putting up this subconscious defence... this can create a serious block when trying to find that level of connection (that feeling of being known) to someone else.

I am slowly practicing on how to slow down my thoughts, accept compliments more easily, shrugging off negativity, and living life how I want to and following my own beliefs and values.

I got my nails done today~ This is my September~November set. (─‿‿─)v

I love the flowers, and the ring finger being pink with the pearl bow and coloured jewel in the center~

I was originally planning to get white nails with the ring finger covered in large sparkles, but when I arrived at the salon I picked this charming design instead. I think it's absolutely fabulous! White is so classy. *:･ﾟ✧

I think it's really sweet of everyone who appreciates my style. I admit, I am the type of gal who enjoys shopping for pretty dresses and high heels, and I also love getting my hair and nails done. Make-up as well... I'm just an all-around girly-girl. Heh--☆

Oh, and I just want to say, I love David Guetta's music! That type of music is my absolute favourite and always gets me pumped!!! Song behind the cut. :3

It's my blog, I can do what I want~~ -- The one and only time I will reference one of Miss Cyrus's songs. Ha!

Improbability

I told myself I would stop doing my nails, but that totally didn't happen. I think... I just love having gorgeous nails far too much to give them up. ♡

I got really lazy posting my nail sets... So for the months of July and August, I didn't post any photos. July's set was one I didn't like very much; I didn't like how the girl did them:

June~July '13 nail set

What's new? Well, nothing really. The usual work and school... Urgh...

I actually find it amusing that many men have complimented my nails far more than women. I wonder if this is simply because my nails are a new and interesting sight for them to see, or if they are thinking some impure intentions? Cry, haha. It's hard being a girl.

I bought a denim vest and also a Wilfred dress from Aritzia. The denim vest I wanted to buy for a while now, to match with my white lace dress. But as for the Wilfred dress... I'm not sure if I will keep it, but most likely yes. And bring that dress to get altered at the tailor's~~~ the sleeves are a bit long.

OH, AND... I am going to my first-ever hockey game this Wednesday. My coworker, "Vincent", is taking me! And my manager "Cloud" is taking the surly "Cait Sith". Ha-ha, should be a lot of fun... I can't believe how lucky they were to win those tickets.

Well, chat again soon~ I seem to be on a break from lolita fashion, and more into dressing for fall/winter fashions that are more mainstream... We'll see what happens!

Just Joshin' You

I always get distracted. I'll be planning to sit and do some writing when I find myself staring at my phone, or drawn away by some game, and then I can't tear away.

I finished Joshua's secret happy ending in "Be My Princess". The story was all right; I'm unhappy I ended the story so soon. （ﾉ´д｀） I mean there's always Prince Wilfred's storyline to move onto, but... I'm just unmotivated, because of course, Joshua.

And let's face it, in my world, all Joshuas are so cool. Positive association with Joshuas, ha-ha. (The following post will contain a high level of fangirling from myself.)

Attempt

A couple months back, I was really into working out, eating healthy and regular visits to the gym. For some reason, that active streak went horribly off-track and I stopped doing all of that... until very recently, I decided I would try and pull myself back into healthy eating.

I went to the grocery store last night with my mom, brother and Shan to buy ingredients. I'm planning to cook more often and pack lunch to bring to work (win-win situation, save money AND eat healthier). Basically, my diet consists of a lot of veggies, chicken, fish, and occasionally pork. I'm not too big a fan of beef, to be honest... And lamb / duck is pretty hard to cook right. For veggies, I really like taiwanese cabbage, snow pea shoots, kale, and lotus root. But I should eat more of carrots, cucumbers, etc. anyway...

Yams are not my favourite, but I've been substituting my carbs with yam and quinoa. Eating healthy is pretty straight-forward, but I can't help gorging when I get a large portion of delicious food. Food is a bigbig weakness for me... which is sad, because I also want to slim down and tone up.

Still didn't stop me from buying a bunch of gourmet cup noodles, ha-ha.

Hope I can actually carry through with this!

Come And Get It!

Today I finished the last exam for the semester. I should be feeling happy, but I don't. Usually us students can't wait for the semester to end, but I actually enjoyed listening to the professor and cracking jokes with my classmate Lilian. "Earbasher" and "The guy who spent all his money on tattoos so he couldn't afford Tim Hortons" and the long lost "Fauxberry"!!! I'm terrible for making fun of my classmates, haha--☆

I picked up the package containing my first ever Antique beasT headdress and another AP blouse. I have quite the blouse collection now, but I think I need more accessories. I am an occasional lolita, but I'm proud of that and I don't want to give that up for anything. 

I've actually been looking into purchasing from some indie brands. I missed out on Baroque's "Pearl Drops on Dry Flowers" and also Haenuli's "Royal Kitten", but hopefully something will catch my eye soon. In the meantime, I'll be patient.

That's all on the school and lolita front, but on the Be My Princess front, there are new developments. I finished off Joshua's story and started playing Wilfred's... I wasn't too impressed by his storyline actually.

For one thing... He's kind of a pervert... 

N-N-NOOOO PRINCE WILFRED, THAT ISN'T PROPER!!!
Why did he drag me into this hotel room anyway?!?

And... he doesn't know how to take public transit...

Are you sure? Really? ...Okay.

He also likes to eat girly ice cream flavours...

...??!

He looks like Cloud. LOL.

They all look the same, don't they? Not that I'm complaining!!! Just the way I like 'em!

Anyway... Wilfred's storyline is pretty weak compared to Joshua's. Joshua's storyline had political issues between countries, a rival prince, and a butler that was actually nice. Claude is a little b*stard!!! And I guess I preferred how stiff and formal Joshua was, even though that was borderline rude -- at least he behaved in a proper way. Wilfred just seems pretty lonely and... I don't know, too forward!!!

Well, I did enjoy the cute moments from his route. He's basically another prince that envies the regular life, and acts all formal and expressionless because that's his job and swallows all his inner feelings and junk. He's more touchy-feely than Joshua, and definitely more polite at first.

...Why am I analyzing his personality, anyway? Maybe because this is fun for me, haha.  A lot of my princess mates like Wills, but I definitely prefer Joshy-poo!

Thanks for visiting, you should definitely play BMP if you're into otome games, because you won't regret it. I don't. (Haha!)

Gentleman's Lady

GREETINGS FRIENDS. Gosh I haven't used that phrase for such a long time.

I just want to announce that my studying habits are worse than ever, and also that I love pistachio and raspberry macarons. Hah--!!

I saw that one of my favourite luxury brands, Emily Temple Cute, is releasing a 15th anniversary long jacket. Three words: IT LOOKS DIVINE and I WANT IT. (Okay, so six words.)

UGH THE INSIDE OF THIS JACKET IS THE DAPPER GENTLEMAN RABBIT PRINT. A-AND THAT BISCUIT BUTTON!!! So lovely!!!

But, as usual, reality likes to crush my dreams. This jacket is over $800CAD!!!! So expensive!!!

Ahem, so, Prince Joshua, would you mind purchasing this for me please? Hahaha... /shot/

...That feels good.

It's been a long time since I last got shot...

I feel like I've been spending too much time worrying about what others think and say about me, that I forgot what it truly means to be in touch with myself and my own feelings. And that's a grand shame, because I used to be a rebellious girl who could easily say "F--- YOU!" to anyone who put me down. I actually stood up for myself and shrugged off people who chose to put me down. I need to get back into that mindset, only in a more mature way.

I'm an artist at heart and no matter what I am a writer.

"If you are born an artist, you have no choice but to fight to stay an artist." - Lana Del Rey

... I couldn't agree with that more.