heartless

playlist: 
little bad girl (instrumental) - david guetta
heartless - kanye west
aural synapse - deadmau5

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
< /fall back into old habits >

I can't believe David Guetta, deadmau5 and especially Kanye West are helping me get over my recent sad happenings. The truth is, I am also taking it very hard, and I am trying not to think about it. I haven't found anything else makes me feel happy, at least not in the deeper meaning of the word where I feel an emotional fulfillment. I don't mind being alone, I guess. I don't mind smiling at the few people that have listened and supported me always, which are friends I don't see everyday and my co-workers at Cellcom.

Sometimes when I feel like I want to cry, nothing comes out. I guess that means my brain has already stacked up a wall around my heart to protect me; and I wonder, how much longer until I start to feel again? Do I need to heal, or, can I be happy being independent while only leaning on my friends?

I have just been working and going to school and we are moving to a kiosk soon which I am not excited about but that's life -- and ... now that I have free time, I'm just going to focus on school and work out more. Nothing else I can do

Lost Kitten

Got home from work and now I am drinking soup and attempting to draw. I haven't drawn anything since 2012. Lately little things cause me to become dejected. I hate always feeling like being on the outside looking in.

Things aren't even so bad. Work is all right, and I have fun joking around with the guys there. My manager is somehow Cloud, I am Tifa (because I don't want to die) and my good friend, the second-in-seniority, is Vincent. Others include Cait Sith, Yuffie, and the late Naruto. Haha, code names for work. Really cute... I suppose everything could be worse.

And despite the busy rush of customers, one of my childhood friends dropped off a hot chocolate from Starbucks to me and briefly said hi. I even got free tea from the old man that always comes by the store. Who can say no to jasmine and chai? 

Maybe the problem is really with me. I always feel like I can't do anything I used to be able to do, but is that a mental block I put up for myself?

I should try harder... Maybe.

I DREW SOMETHING! First pic of 2013. Are you proud? (J-just kidding. Don't be!!!)

I'm gonna draw Prince Joshua. YEAH~~ (No I don't think I can, I really lack the imagination and skill...)

I'm super super grateful to the friends, both close and not-so-close, that support me in my drawing, gaming, and writing endeavours. To whoever reads this, please remember that even a 'like' means so much to an artist. Even if they aren't super "good", being artistic is definitely hard and no one would like to be put down or judged!!!

I'm going to try and blog a lot more. After all, what's the use in having a new Macbook Air if I don't make proper use of it?

Thanks for visiting~~~!