Vacation

They were from different worlds. They couldn't - shouldn't - love each other. Yet when she uttered the words I care about you, he responded: I care about you too.

But he didn't mean it that way. She didn't know what way he actually meant it. It was purely a relationship of convenience, that was all. All turmoil and fabrication, but she allowed the cloth to fall over her eyes and willingly headed into darkness.

He was considerate, she gave him that. She was often brash and rude, but he accepted her rebukes with grace. He didn't deserve that. He was only ever accommodating. They were not similar, that was all. It was pleasure and pain; passion was never worth anything.

Free Falling

The girl fell into a pit, and she couldn't seem to climb back out. Maybe her arms were too weak. But even if she did manage to scramble up out of the dirt, she's already grown accustomed to the pit's comforting depths. The darkness and warmth of the void is a comfort in itself, however unhealthy the situation may be.

...I wasn't able to write about this successfully for a while, because the whole ordeal was quite unbecoming of me as a lady. Bring everything to the light, yeah? Let's just say... I took a vacation, lasting roughly two weeks, and indulged in worldly activities. But tonight I was strong(?) enough to break free, if only for a little while.

Let's keep this good thing going, I guess.

There's no way for me to return to that island, anyway, because I deleted all traces of that illegitimate vacation. And I'm still wading through the afterglow of my poor decisions. But I don't feel bad for nipping a toxic situation in the bud and looking out for my own mental health. Falling into a pitfall is no fun, especially when I dug the hole myself...!!!

Pretty Faces

there's a lot of pretty faces around
sometimes i get tired of seeing them,
but they didn't choose to be desirable
the world attached a value to them
measured by earthly, mortal instruments

another night on the town. the town, of my mind. where i'm floating but everything is oh-so-hazy, like a vision smothered in smog. haze on haze on haze. and within that haze... a girl wades around, searching for clarity.

she tries to understand what is going on in his head, but can't. perhaps because she set the boundaries, fun is all she'll get. would he ever open his mouth if otherwise? she convinces herself she understands him, that his aloofness is due to trauma, past circumstances behind his control. those are excuses, excuses she doesn't want to give him for the benefit-of-the-doubt. but does anyway, because he is a stranger, a pretty face.

he says he likes being as pale as the moon
he says he can't understand the allure of the sun
he prides himself on his appearance
perhaps shreds are all he has left
he, too, is another lost star i can't have
in a lover's sea of stars

Observatory

Fortune only comes to those who are ready
And if you're not
I don't expect you to understand

I finally know the ending of my tale. The ending that has eluded me for almost 10 years, I realized now while staring into a young man's eyes.

They could never be together; they were from different worlds. However, she left home to be with him, for a brief moment of temporary happiness in a lonely place. Surely he won't understand, not now, but maybe in time. She prayed this for him, prayed for his happiness.

In the end, they do part ways. She returns home to her rightful place, and he... well, she doesn't know what becomes of him after. 

Not yet, anyway.

She can't escape darkness's grasps, even though her family says she should flee. She isn't helpless, but willingly chooses to walk the path of thorns. 

Why?

She can't answer. The darkness is part of her very being, twisted in her core.