Existence

waiting, i'm waiting.
no other way to describe
impatiently
biding my time

is there a purpose to it all? fading into patterns.
indecision without passion - but stability isn't bad, is it?
stability and
a floatation device through deep waters

Imagine

i'm always careful
not to fall too deep
into a world
i can't keep
sometimes i can't sleep
wonderin' why i can't meet
the one for me
am i too weak?
no certainty
that God hears my pleas







Another night of confusion - but where does it end? Where does it start? Since the beginning of time, things - confusion - w-what? what is love?


love? i've never
really known what love is
except love for myself
isn't that
selfish?

human
condition
emotion
inhibition

as real as they come
beginning and ending as one

Pretty Faces

there's a lot of pretty faces around
sometimes i get tired of seeing them,
but they didn't choose to be desirable
the world attached a value to them
measured by earthly, mortal instruments

another night on the town. the town, of my mind. where i'm floating but everything is oh-so-hazy, like a vision smothered in smog. haze on haze on haze. and within that haze... a girl wades around, searching for clarity.

she tries to understand what is going on in his head, but can't. perhaps because she set the boundaries, fun is all she'll get. would he ever open his mouth if otherwise? she convinces herself she understands him, that his aloofness is due to trauma, past circumstances behind his control. those are excuses, excuses she doesn't want to give him for the benefit-of-the-doubt. but does anyway, because he is a stranger, a pretty face.

he says he likes being as pale as the moon
he says he can't understand the allure of the sun
he prides himself on his appearance
perhaps shreds are all he has left
he, too, is another lost star i can't have
in a lover's sea of stars

Facets

protection
familiar waves
vibes
familiar eyes
moments
drain dry
happiness, loveliness
-necessities
no guarantees
sleepover
whys?
reason?
no 'no's'
yes
dreamy sky
change
never be the same
someone will
understand

lol so did i tell you that my friend r aka "ginoza-kun" bought me the lockon stratos statue for christmas? haha... he's bought me all of my most prized figures. m&m, t.k., and now lockon. ughhh well although i see m&m and t.k. as more of my sons than anything else, lockon is most definitely not in the son category. h-hey, there's boys you put into the son category, and there's men you put into the husbando category. and i'm sorry but neil dylandy i would totally date you. UHHHH--haaaahaha, yeah so what? the fangirl is back and in fact has never even left the building. blink blink.

although isn't it so odd now that noctis is like 20 and i'm like 27? sure, cloud can still be around 24~25 but the older i get, the funnier it is that teenage karin actually had crushes on these fictional guys. hey, well they're dreamy, and they're an escape from reality; most people like love stories, and romance--that's all been such a big part of our culture for generations. since the dawn of effin' time. they're like the actors in dramas ok.

and omg wiki just told me cloud's official birth year is 1986. so hey, i'm '91 so technically i'll just tack a year on for each of my own, eh? lol i don't know why i'm even trying to rationalize this fantasy to you. i guess the older i get the more self-critical i've become. is this normal?

wow is dis a young baby noct? see here i would file him into the "son" category, not unlike roxas. must protecc, lol. and i can see he exists in the time of emo-hair bois, because wow look at that hair. someone throw some 'my chemical romance' on, quick!

Love Letters

an unforgettable night, 
an unforgettable light 
something so bright 
could never fade from my mind 

deep down inside,
i feel passion alight
twisting inside
the pain, clenching tight
the hope, taking flight 

tonight, tonight

--

twenty-seven

summer days
pass by in a haze
if only i could stay
in this moment always
young passions ablaze