FE Rambles & Co.

I constantly have thoughts swirling through my head throughout the day, but whenever I sit down to try and collect them, I am never successful. It's like whenever I'm sitting in front of the screen, everything I long to say escapes me, but it was never like that before!

I used to be able to sit here and talk freely about whatever was on my mind - things I love to do, things that happened in my day, or whatever feelings were present at the time. Something has numbed me; perhaps, I have numbed myself in the process of trying to grow up.

Anyway, I've been unwell again and sometimes I feel like my body isn't doing right by me. I have a pretty delicate stomach these days and I never used to. There were a couple mornings last week where I threw up on the way to work, and eating certain foods makes feel nauseous. But I digress, I did not come to talk about my boring work issues. I came to talk about FIRE EMBLEM!!!

You see, I've been playing Three Houses and I've been really enjoying being a busty, navel-boasting, expressionless professor at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. What? OH LOL, ok wrong fandom. anywho, it's been a real good ride getting to know all the little teenyboppers from the Blue Lions house. i finally realized why i enjoy Fire Emblem so much, as opposed to other gaming franchises.

a central theme in FE is being a noble (lord/lady, prince/princess) and born into whatever role they happened to be in. I often feel like I am trapped in my role as well. My family has always been a loving one. Although i do not always get along with my younger siblings, i know they care for me, and my parents would do anything for us. i enjoy the benefits of coming from a loving family who is financially stable. i drive a car, i have a job, i own a dog, i can afford to dine out and purchase nice things, whatever i fancy, to an extent. but i am fully aware that these blessings come from my family, who i was born as on this earth, and very little of are fruits of my labour. it's like being from a noble house in Fire Emblem.

i owe so much to my family that i have a role to fulfill. as a daughter, as a big sister, as a lady. i feel the pressures surround me and i know i cannot escape from my obligations to my family, even though sometimes all i want to do is run away. it is the way of things, isn't it? i couldn't possibly make it on my own without sacrificing a level of my standard of living. many people don't understand that. if i were to live a more frugal life, and gave up a portion of the luxuries i enjoy, perhaps i would be feeling a lot more independent and mentally well. but at this time, i financially carry a portion of my household, and i feel as if that is the way it should be. even if i'm unhappy.