March Forward

Yesterday I started working out again. I dragged my butt to the gym and used the elliptical and row machine, two of my go-tos. I'm planning to lift weights later on once I've gotten into the hang of things, though I've started with dieting aka portioning rabbit food. What a p a i n but gotta get that summer bod! I'll still eat a cheat meal once a week though. My anniversary is coming up so I know my partner wants to take me out to eat omakase on this upcoming Sunday. 

I'm trying to take breaks from social media to instead force my mind to create, write, or express my thoughts and feelings. I've been reaching out to God more regularly throughout the day to ask for His grace. I want to embody Jesus. I want people who interact with me to see Him. It's my own personal thing and it's a hard goal because I'm an impatient and selfish person at heart. But I'm also bad at hyping up my good qualities so those are chains I need to break free from as well.

There's a lot going on in my life that I don't write about; I suppose the same could be said for anyone. I'm getting a lot of custom art done these days. Although most of the pieces are Obey Me! related, one piece is a custom drawing of Keanu Reeves as a viking, done by a new hire at work that I'm training. He's printing this onto a hoodie and t-shirt for me and that's to commemorate the training class, which we've dubbed Team Keanu. New hire facilitating has been a challenge, but also such fun. Not only that, but I've been learning plenty and growing as a person, and that's neat. 

Maybe I can come back to my roots again. That would be nice. 

I wanna talk about the latest event in the game too but I suppose I'll save those ramblings for part 2.

~K

Midnight Snack

Hell's Kitchen was packed on a Friday night. The aroma of greasy fries and fatty burgers greeted one's nose at the door, and the clamouring sounds of clinking cutlery and crashing plates was drowned out by the sea of conversations.  

Belphegor and Matilda sat side by side at the bar, watching the chefs skillfully prepare each dish before their eyes. The youngest brother leaned on his elbows, sliding to the side to rest his head against her shoulder. She rolled her eyes, not necessarily hating the close contact but not approving of it either.  

"I can't believe you made us exercise today," he yawned. "I'm so sleepy." 

"But you didn't do anything. You just lay there." 

"Looking at you jumping around was tiring enough." 

"Well," she huffed, "you could be resting at home right now, but someone was hungry for a midnight snack." 

"You could have brought me takeout," he said simply, a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. 

"Belphegor, I am not your servant! Ugh." 

Matilda had lived in the Devildom for just over three months, but she swore she would never get used to his complaining. She was grateful when the waitress finally came to take their order: the usual plate of fried quetzalcoatl brains for him, and a chocolate wirry-cow milkshake for her. 

"So," Belphegor said, between a mouthful of his favourite food, "did you hear about the concert yet?" 

"Please don't talk with your mouth full." 

He pouted. "So did you, or did you not? Lucifer was talking about it during the student council meeting today." 

"I may have overheard him mention something. Diavolo... I mean, Lord Diavolo," she hastily added, "wants a special year-end celebration, doesn't he?" 

"Yeah. Isn't that stupid?"  

Belphegor never did like Diavolo much, but Matilda shrugged.  

"I don't know. Could be fun. I like celebrations." 

"Do you?" That piqued his interest. "Well, did you want to go together?" 

"Maybe," she mused, fiddling with the straw of her milkshake. His forward advances unnerved her, but that was just the way he was. "I'll think about it."

They finished their meal and left Hell's Kitchen. It had started to rain in the time they'd been inside. Belphegor flipped his hood over his head and glanced over to the brunette expectantly.

"What?" Matilda stared vacantly at him for several seconds before realization dawned on her. "Oh, no. No, you're not." 

"It's raining pretty hard, and your place is closer."

"No!"

He flashed her a disarming smile, the most endearing smile he could manage, tilting his head to the side like a hopeful puppy.

"I'm not looking!" Matilda covered her eyes, but the head tilt reminded her of her little brother and she knew he had her wrapped around his finger. 

"Besides, if I get sick, how will I study for exams?"

"Oh, all right. But once the rain lets up, you're heading straight home. Understand?"

"Hehehe. I'm so happy!" Belphegor hugged her, a darker thought crossing his mind as he held her close. Scummy demon, shamelessly playing with her emotions like that. 

Not that he felt bad about it at all.

Dog Days Are Over

I'm back, and I hate the new Blogger interface -- it totally sucks! There's no contrast at all, just all white, and you know how that hurts my eyes D;

Anyway, work today has been... bleh. It's been normal. The usual. I'm trying to stay focused and positive. Goodness & love and all that shite. Right? Yeah, I know, I've always considered myself the jaded and cynical type, but I feel ~forces~ in the universe striving to change that. And, I do want to change that for myself as well.

All I know is, I feel like at my age, I should be saving up and being responsible and... and all that jazz, but a part of me just wants to play games and buy trinkets and travel and live life freely. Even if that's not supported by the society we live in, lol. But that's life, innit? 

It's been a while since I've felt motivated to write an actual post on how I've been feeling. Mostly because lately, I would rather fester in my own emotions than acknowledge them. Do you have any idea how hard that is to change? In my younger years, writing was therapeutic and I had tons of things that I wanted to discuss. Now, I look back at my younger self with a great displeasure, and embarrassment, haha. But why? Little Baby K did her best, even if it wasn't good enough, and it's because of L'il K that Big K exists today. So, I shouldn't be so hard on myself there.

I'm thinking of more I wanna say, but I can't. So I'll just leave it at this, until I feel motivated to churn out more fanservice.

30 Day Writing Challenge 2020

Day 1: List 10 things that make you really happy.

Hmm. This should be super easy, as I'm a simple lady and get really excited over 'insignificant' things. Listed in no particular order, and I left God/Jesus out because that should be a given.

1.) Sunshine, warm weather
2.) My doggo and hiking with my doggo
3.) Cooking, feeding my friends/family
4.) FIRE EMBLEM!
5.) Singing
6.) When people enjoy my writing
7.) Gushing over my fandoms and my friends humour me
8.) Music, a song with melody I enjoy
9.) Wearing cute clothes, wearing pink
10.) My beautiful hair - courtesy of my dear Gienny, and my beautiful tattoos - courtesy of my dear Sim


Day 2: Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot.

"It's daunting, Karin, but this shared exercise in becoming self-aware can allow us to get off the couch, go outside, read great books, and make cool new friends. For the record, you've got a challenging sales job, while attending university, aspiring to become a librarian. When I worked with you at Cellcom Wireless at Richmond Centre, I asked who he hires, and he said not students, except you, because you're amazing. Also, the Lolita outfits you make are the best cosplay I've seen of anyone I've known personally. I haven't gotten around to reading your blog lately, but Sheep-Doll seems cool So, from where I'm sitting, it seems like you exercise great diligence, and creative output, in life. Messages like these might get us down on ourselves, but my intent is for us to realize that if we don't take our own depression so seriously, having fun in new ways will bring us closer to our ideals much faster, and more easily, than anyone would expect."

The part saying "I asked who he hires, and he said not students, except you, because you're amazing" really stuck with me and helped me to raise my confidence in a time where I was unsure of myself. And that's really amazing.

Haha, also, I can't believe at one point I did aspire to be a librarian... and lol, I didn't make my lolita dresses myself nor is it cosplay, but y'know, nothing's perfect! 😂 I'm so grateful for my mentors and supporters in life, that helped me be who I am today.

Houseplants

i thought i would ramble a bit to get thoughts out of my mind. why can't we scream in our minds? i don't know. this eternal voice in my head is mute, but at the same time, says so much... for instance, all my windowsill plants. i wanted to talk about the indoor house plants i keep, and will probably take photos of them to accompany this post later on, haha. yeah my hobbies are weird, but i'm doing this for myself! writing makes me happy and bloggin' makes me happy and ... i've somehow gotten myself into houseplants. let's check out how that happened.

well after i got promoted in july, a colleague gifted me a small baby rose plant, which was affectionately named Pipplant in commemoration of the gifter. I also call it Rosie, so I suppose the plant's name is Rosie Pipplant. It's doing well, having grown beautiful bushy blossoms over the summer, and currently has a couple roses with deep green, lush leaves.

after that, comes the two succulent plants that i bought from ikea. i never knew ikea plants were hardy, but i guess i should have known since when i was young i bought a small bamboo plant from there; don't quite remember what happened to it. anyway, i bought a spiky one and a more called an "echeveria elegans", which i have since planted outside next to my gerbera dairy plant. spiky plant is called Plantsy. echeveria doesn't have a name but it's still doing well outside in the winter weather, which is nuts. so is the gerbera plant which i for sure thought was going to die, but we'll get into that later.

a) the spiky plant i bought because when i picked it up from the pot, i saw it's long root had poked out of it and was dangling from a hole. i thought to myself, this one is a fighter. i took it home and had to give it a chance to life a comfortable life, cared for by moi. i repotted this plant twice, and it currently lives in a cheery green pot from the dollar store.

b) echeveria plant: i have to say i didn't feel much connection to this plant so i planted it outside. it's still alive and moves its petals around, i was unsure if it would survive the vancouver winter but since the weather has been (i presume) mild, it should be fine.

now the gerbera plant, when i bought it from the grocery store was a beautiful bright red with yellow accents. i planted it in the soil outside over the summer and ants kept pestering it. most of the flowers wilted and the leaves were eaten by bugs. i thought for sure it would be gone, but it's still alive and kickin' with two flower stalks grown! i will continue to care for it over the winter and hopefully it feels more lively in the spring.

i have two cactus, one with large spikes and another smaller fuzzy one. i bought the big one after work when i went to the mall with my friends, and the fuzzy one was a gift from my dear friend. the large one i can't remember what i decided to name it, but the smaller one is Dimitri Cactus. DC is in a bulbasaur planter, and bigger cactus is in a bright yellow eggshell-shaped planter that i got from my old workplace over easter.

last but not least is Mint/Minty, the small christmas shrub... can't quite remember the plant name but i have it on a tag downstairs. i'll note it down when i can. it's like a small tree-plant and smells like a lemony, minty, fresh scent. i got this plant from visiting the deer lake arts fair with friends! it was free, we had a great time.

anyway, those are my plants. they sit on my windowsill, in the kitchen, and outside in the garden. when the weather gets nicer i'll tend to the garden a bit more seriously. i'm a bit iffy about bugs, but when out in nature, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

welp, catch ya later. -K

Spherical

"what a horrible night to have a curse..."
(although i suppose no night would be a good night if one is cursed...)


once again, i'm having trouble...

sitting in the night, unable to create anything of substantial value, even in my own eyes. what trickery is this, that i used to create worlds with ease, and that has all faded away like a worn photograph?

perhaps being an artist is not truly my calling. all i'm familiar with is dulling my senses and turning away from the truth.

nothing is comfort. everything is uncomfortable. and yet, i chase discomfort. we all do. it is inevitable. wanting to be something. haha, i'm so deep sometimes, aren't i? i feel like we all have the capacity to express ourselves and put something forth from our thoughts, but a lot of us aren't trained to do this and don't hone the skill enough.

anyway, another night where i ain't got nothin'! ciao ciaooo

Choco Baka

GAHHHH look at this year's SHU UEMURA collaboration. Iiiiit's... chocolate!!!
Which means my wallet is not safe. I want the eyelash curler, eyeshadow palette AND EVEN THE BRUSH SET! Yes, that's right fam, I love the holiday collections the brand puts out every year.

Well, you know what I'm splurging on this year, huh?

Speaking of things... I went out clubbing with a friend and ended up making a drunken fool out of myself, as I know is fully capable of me. Ugh... I wish I didn't always do that. But it feels great to let loose once in a while, no matter how damaging the fallout is. YOLO, right?

Anyway, I gained a little insight on why my life is the way it is, particularly my odd and varied social circles. Grace, it's all grace, isn't it fam?

Swan Song

Seems like my preferred past time is chasing ghosts... 

The girl woke to find that her body felt heavy. She was surrounded by silk sheets in a room that she recognized to be the guest room of a friend's house. Beside her, someone else stirred. Through the pale moonlight, she saw his sleeping form. So, they had passed out together after all.

She slid her arms around him, bringing herself close enough to press her cheek against his back. She felt his hands close around hers.

"You smell sweet," he murmured, swirling in the tail ends of a dream.

He always was nicest when he was half-asleep.

Out on the balcony, the cover of night was so familiar. The cool air in her lungs flooded her with nostalgia. The air in the crystal city always left her feeling different, made her feel like the world had more to offer.

He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. It started to rain. The smoke rose and she watched it evaporate into the grey sky.

"What are you looking for here?" he asked.

The moonlight made his skin glow. She looked up at him, the prince of his own world--no, the king. His blue eyes bore into her, saw right through her.

"Maybe I missed you," she found herself saying.

He flicked his cigarette butt dismissively. "You say that to all the boys."

She wanted to say more, but sighed. There was no use explaining herself to someone who didn't believe in love.

"Do you ever think that there's more to life than parties?"

He shrugged, uninterested in what she had to say. His next words surprised her.

"I should warn you that Lukas is back in town. No doubt word of your return has reached your mother and father."

"I'll be careful."

She closed her eyes, feeling the slight breeze against her skin. This life had so many troubles. She was determined not to let a ghost from her past be one of them.


The sun soon rose behind the thick velvet curtains in the room. She hated how the sunlight was capable of bringing back back memories of her old life. Everyone always told her it wouldn’t matter, that everything would be fine, that her pain would somehow become mitigated with time. Dreams of a life that would never come to fruition told her otherwise. The love she had felt, that happiness—it all seemed far behind her now.

“Wake up.” A stern male voice broke her out of her thoughts.

Calmly, she opened her eyes and sat up. Nero was gone. A young man dressed in fine clothing moved around the room, pulling open the curtains to let the sunlight in.

“I’m awake.” She sighed, rubbing at her temples.

He gazed at her disapprovingly. “I swear, if Nero were not so fond of you, I’d have something to say.”

“Well, it’s a good thing he is, then.”

“I can’t see why,” the man mused. “You’re ordinary.”

“Shut up,” she snapped, tired of his jabs. She pushed dark hair out of her eyes. “Is it time for the meeting already?”

“Soon. Get ready. I’ll escort you downstairs.”

As she rose to make her way to the washroom, he slapped a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t fuck up,” he said warningly.

She pushed off his hand with a glint in her eyes. “I won’t.”

Cliché

"You need to find happiness in yourself. Other people can only enhance what is already there."

If only that were always true. But if one opened their eyes further they would see that survival has always depended on factors outside of our control. Alliances, resources, odds to be swayed in one's favour.

It's simply untrue that one has to be whole to find happiness in others. In my years of dealing with depression and now, in my older years, anxiety, I find it terribly patronizing to post that someone can easily find happiness in themselves.

For some, it's simply impossible. I suppose this comes and goes for everyone, even those of the soundest emotional temperaments.

In fact... I've found my most beloved friends in moments of my worst weakness.

All that shit about "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" is simply not true.

As for me... my friends bring a light in me that has long shut off. So no... I don't believe that something inside me is being enhanced. Rather, I am being supported--lifted when there's nothing else.

But thanks, anon... good to see someone comment instead of just lurking like always. Haha.

White Coast

It's snowing in Vancouver. The whiteness blankets everything and looks quite beautiful. I've never been one to like nor dislike the snow. I find joy in the prospect of being able to build a snowman, but the snow is too slushy to be of good substance.

Lately, life has been less than exciting. Back to the boredom of a repetitive routine. Nothing to spark up the desire in my heart.

Even attending events doesn't really seem to pique my interest anymore. Sure, I can drink and dance to the music I love and do whatever else I want to... but I still feel empty. I want to feel something exciting! Something more. I want to meet someone that shows me more.

Pain, pleasure... whatever the rest of the spectrum may be. I want to feel alive. Because as of this moment I'm trapped beneath marble like a statue. And I don't feel.

Bit By Bit

The saddest thing about memories is the people that we used to know, and the person that we used to be during those times.

In my 26 years of life, I've experienced a lot of special memories that I've vowed to hold dear:

Memories of youth on a sunny beach with the family, pina colada ice cream and drying sand dollars and a huge crab in a green bucket.

Bringing home my first puppy and having that small ball of fur fitting right in my lap, kissing him and making him a mental promise that he would always have a home with us.

Sunny days on a hill with a lover, eating pate and smoked meats and enjoying each other's company passionately.

Touching foreheads with a lover during the holiday season, while the evening sky started to lightly snow for the first time.

Travelling to a new country with a friend, roaming the streets, dressed in the frilly fashion we both loved, living the dream.

I've experienced a wide array of pain and happiness. But one thing that made me feel the most "understood", was having someone who encouraged me to keep being the best I could be. To chase my hobbies, keep writing and drawing, encouraged me... building a world together. That's a rare thing to find. I understand my emotions are from romanticized memories. But the way I felt was real.

Her writing flowed so effortlessly into mine. Her art, inspiring me to create my own. Fueling my fantasies in a world of borrowed characters and alternate universes. How can I ever recover from the thrill of having a world to escape to, with someone to share it with?

I'm a fraction of what I used to be when I was younger. Not in age, but in skill. And although I've said and done things I regret, I can't take any of it back. Everyone matures and grows at a different pace. No one can blame me for living out who I was meant to be.

Still... I'm waiting for someone to make me feel something again. I'm in limbo... unable to move forward nor back. Wading through the same thing over and over again.

---

I followed you until the end
Counting every step
I did not know what was to come
But still I tried and dreamt

I wondered where I was before
I honestly can't say
This must be the love they speak of
In those myths I read

I could give this world away
To keep this endless high
The more I let go, the more I am whole
This time it's for real

When you know you found the one to keep
Oh, we wonder how we did not see
Our eyes open when we find that love
And we heal

This must be the love

A Brief Recap

Finally! A weekend! 🙇 I was feeling so burnt out from work this week. Even though all I do is sit in front of a computer and talk to people the whole day, my body feels sore and sluggish. I'm actually worried about developing carpal tunnel...

On Thursday, I sat with the boys in my training class during lunch break. They all offered me some of their food; I didn't buy any lunch that day. I need to start bringing some healthy foods to work for lunch. My break isn't long enough for me to wander far for eats, unfortunately. Anyway, I got a hot wing, a bit of pita bread wrap, and a piece of chocolate chip cookie. I felt grateful at that time, because sharing food with others is something important to me. I was happy that they considered me close enough to put effort to be nice to me. Two of them always make an effort to greet me, which may be a cultural thing, but it does make me feel valued in the group. Oh I know, I'm too sensitive! 🙈

On Friday after work, my Kawaii Kru friends and I went to the Orpheum Theatre to watch Pokemon Symphonic Evolutions. I wanted to hear more songs from Gold/Silver/Crystal, but they only played a few. The most memorable was "Ecruteak City". I actually cried! Well that doesn't take much, but I was moved. That was from my childhood, man. Nostalgic feelings ensued.

And... Saturday. Well, work, and then a childhood friend of mine and I went to eat dinner and see the new Spiderman movie, which tbh was a bit boring, but the Suit Lady was named Karen. Probably because it's my birthday soon 💖 so the universe is preparing. I even rolled my 5* Summer Robin with +SPD -HP IVs... thanks to the advice of my friend. I'm merging her with my existing Robin~ I love the Ylissean Summer banner! The beach babes are A+! 😍😘 I am lucky to roll Summer Robin and Summer Tiki.

Jackpot, baby. I love fish+spear designs!

One thing that bothers me this month so far is that I went to the hairstylist and I tried a new person and while the colour came out fine, I realized over the course of a few days that the hair wasn't cut very well... I feel so gross with my hair that after work on Thursday I have to rush to Leo for him to fix it. It literally looks like the lady snipped off inches from my hair and didn't bother to touch the ends up. My hair is uneven; one side is longer than the other, and for some reason the front of my hair is longer than the back... I hate it so much but I'm trying to cope. I have never had my hair so ugly... lol. I am still waiting on a response from the stylist to see what she says about it.

Anyway... I'm trying to get back into blogging... gotta record my day somehow so I can remember the good times and vent occasionally about disgruntling times. 😁

Magnificence

She was someone... something from far away. Another galaxy, otherworldly. He knew this about her; she was the only one he had ever truly loved. That he would love forever, hold in his heart forever as their relationship was built on friendship. Love and friendship, late nights and lack of sleep, dreaming over and over without awakening.

I...

I knew that our place had a time. And that time is forever gone, or frozen where it was. I can't go back, and it will never reach me again. But memories will always be there. I remember when we used to love each other, under the sun, laughing. Our place had a time when I still needed you to fly. 

Everyone grows up, sometime.

BACK 2 EARTH

dangerous, so dangerous

i wanna do it again...

After this amazingly long hiatus, I'm back. :D I doubt anyone noticed I was gone. But the good news is that I've actually got motivation to write. And I've changed a lot since last year. So many new experiences and excitement, it's hard to embrace it all.

All I can say is...

Life is full of surprises. Twists and turns, like you never know what will happen. I've learned a lot, hurt a lot, hurt others a lot... Well, you know how things usually go. And it was definitely so exciting and moving and I really had such strong feelings about everything that happened. But I'm also glad everything slowed down so that I could breathe and analyze everything fully.

Initially, I truly was stuck in a hole. There was a lot of trauma the past few months, but I always quickly get back on my feet with the support of my friends. I was out with friends practically every day for two weeks! Thank God for time healing all... except for the fact that time doesn't exist. So it really all boils down to my own self.

What's the point of this post? Being reborn. Forgiving. Being a new person, aspiring to be better. I guess all that jazz, on top of not being so selfish and guarded all the time.

One complain I will have is... Sure, people always scrutinize and judge my life. Sometimes, I feel I must be a celebrity, because so many people talk about me who don't even know me personally. It's really odd; I must be such an interesting person then *boasts*!!! But... I guess I am a pretty different kinda gal. Of course I'll pique their interest. I mean, it's not my fault I can be a psycho-bitch sometimes. People are only human. But if people don't forgive, they don't give others the room to grow and learn.

And that's not my fault. Not at all.

My new hair. Ashy as always! And ironically, the same colour I had last summer. Only with longer hair. ;w; AND NO BANGS.

I also started doing my nails again this year after a break. Tbh, I only stopped doing my nails because someone told me he liked the "natural look" better. But since we parted ways, I've been dyeing my hair and decorating my nails again... I didn't mind stopping, but now that I'm alone again, what have I got to lose?#TREATYOSELF

You like? I really loved this set.

Close up of details!!!☆.。.:*・°☆

Well... that's all I wanna share for now. Until the next post~~ ciao~~

ULTRAVIOLENCE

Sweet chocolate biscuit houses~
A mini lolita meet on 6/16/2014

I feel more like a lolita lately. I'm slowly reaching my goals of dressing up in the fashion more! Two other lolita and myself have created a little group of sorts. I hope we can continue to share our mutual love of the fashion.

They say, "do not cast your pearls before swine"; but how can I know who is to be trusted and who will turn to trample me? People are so ugly, people are so disappointing. Lately my attitude is turning more and more bitter and mistrusting towards people. I need to focus more on myself. As if I wasn't selfish enough, already.

I felt that I don't have an identity. I felt I'm trying too hard to be too many different things at once. I don't really know who I am. A lot of women don't care about what others think, they disregard the opinion of others that might be negative. But for me, I'm too nervous about everything. I try to balance delicately on the fine line between conventional and deviance. I can't be like the others, but I feel awkward singled out as well.

I have prooblemmmss~~~ but I just focus on x.

Oh and regarding the lolita meetup I had... Umm, what? Well I guess I forgot to mention that, but I met up with some local lolita and a dear friend of mine. We went to eat Japanese food in the morning in Steveston and then ate again at my favourite high tea place. Here are the obligatory food photos, haha~ I am so lazy to post anything lately. Or write, for that matter. There are too many things on my mind. ;w;

My darling darjeeling tea and macaron... Truly blissful!
"La Petite Cuillere" in Vancouver *^^*

A princess lunch~ "Ichiro" Japanese restaurant in Steveston.
The sushi chef said we were "kawaii lolita" as we were leaving... *^^*

gloria

it hurts tonight. i don't know what.
a mixture of numbness and pain.
a numb pain. hard to describe
like harsh pain dulled by medication
medicated by life experiences
so cruel, so jaded. disappointment
building this barrier to protect oneself,
shutting out happiness. but at the same time
disappointment.

wishing for understanding from the angel
we cannot even see.

Eating the Bread of Idleness

Today I feel so worried. It's normal for humans to feel firstly negative about everything, isn't it? Sometimes I wonder where my life is going because I have a lot of this negativity, but oftentimes it shows up for no reason and is unjustified.

I have a lot on my plate this week. I just have to tough everything out and be mature! I'm going to straighten everything out at home, walk the dog, possibly go to the gym and study in the evening for class. These are all mundane activities I have to perform, aren't they? But to what end and for what purpose?

April 10th is the date. I am waiting for a date in the future to arrive, but time loves to tease.