Light Feelings

I'm in love with an ideal, I think. I'm not sure yet, because I haven't journeyed far enough down the path to know for sure. But it seems to me that I keep making the same mistakes, even though I consciously know I should be doing better.

I stretch my arms out for help, but remain unsure of what that help looks like. All I know is that my sister Leanne is supportive of me, and tells me what I'm going through is normal, but the ache, that dull soreness, reminds me that I've done... things that are not righteous. And for those things, I'm not sure. I know they're wrong, but they feel... they make me feel placated, like dressing a wound with a bandage.

I need grace. I have grace. But... can I change? Am I changing?


Friends from my neighbourhood group have gotten together to play a homebrew campaign of DnD. I really enjoy it! My character is Maya Sho, a ranger and daughter of the Sho Clan in Morinville. The party consists of a wizard named Ames Sterling (Fey), a blacksmith cleric named Kallaheid Montauk (Vinn), Fergus the paladin (Jon), and Casey Sho (Kim's rogue).

We go to explore the strange deaths of cattle on Bertha's farm, discovering horrors that lead the party into our rival clan's territory. It's a lot of fun and I can't wait for our next session on Sunday.