Sunday, December 31, 2017
as some of you may know, i've been going through some down times this year. there have been a lot of changes, both professional and personal. i've been pretty happy overall, but that doesn't mean traumatic things haven't happened to me.
first off, i have great friends. they are always supporting me, whenever i need to vent, complain, or whine to them. however, i still feel like something inside me is not at ease. i'm sure i just need some time to myself to reflect. i'm planning to delete my social media next year for a while. logging out of instagram and snapchat, and only keeping facebook for communication purposes with friends.
social media hasn't helped me at all; it hasn't helped me at all with easing my thoughts. although i can't really be without it, because i enjoy browsing through things, it takes up too much of my time. but blogging has helped me, and i hope to find some solace again through blogging.
for the new year, i hope i can achieve the following things:
-save more money
-stop crying so much
-let the past stay in the past
-sleep earlier like before or at 1am -- but i think that's a bit of a stretch and unachievable, haha.
more to come, soon. i just feel like a sad girl all the time and i wish i could snap out of this funk.
Sunday, December 24, 2017
Saturday, December 23, 2017
Friday, December 22, 2017
it's so much harder to fall out of love
than to fall in love
you make me live and die again
Nothing could change her, the girl with the dark eyes. None of life's lessons reached her. Nothing was able to touch her anymore.
She was so beyond them now, so immersed in lies and sin.
The moment he had taken her under his wing, the moment she accepted the fate he handed her, was the moment her only doorway back to a normal life finally shut.
He liked to show her off at parties; she knew the red backless dress she wore was his favourite. She sat perched on his knee, laughing along with a drink, his hand pressed against the small of her back as if to physically remind her who she belonged to.
She didn't care. It wasn't something she necessarily disagreed with. The nights they spend together had spanned into years now, breeding familiarity and comfort.
One night, she drunkenly bumped into an old acquaintance.
She saw him through blurred eyes, clumsily pulling the hem of her skirt down as he stared at her. Her vision drifted in and out of focus, until she caught the gleam of his hair colour in the neon lights and recognition briefly flooded her face.
An outstretched hand grasped at his dress shirt. It took her a moment to register that the hand reaching out was her own.
He made to knock her hand aside, but stilled himself. Her face was flushed red, but not from embarrassment.
"Well, hello sunshine," she laughed, words flowing in a sing-song voice. "Long time no see."
"Long time, indeed."
If he was nervous, he didn't show it. And she was cloaked in a veil of false bravado.
"Join me in a drink?"
She poured herself another drink and downed the clear liquid, feeling it burn down her throat.
The inquisitive, fearless girl was gone; in her place stood an empty woman, the shell of someone he once knew.
He couldn't stop the words from pouring out his mouth.
She heard his voice, but it all seemed far away, like she was trapped behind a glass case.
She couldn't make out if the words were an accusation. His light eyes stared straight into her; his face held no emotion.
"You used me," he said flatly.
"You treated everyone like shit, you know? You couldn't see how selfish you were."
"That's funny, coming from you," she laughed. "You're as selfish as they come."
"I cared about you. That's the difference."
" You think I didn't care?"
"You didn't care about how you made us feel. Especially Soleil. No wonder she started hating you."
"I'm done with this conversation." She slammed the glass down. "Leave."
She watched, amused, as he stood frozen. His eyes were still unreadable.
When he turned and disappeared down the hall, she found herself smiling in satisfaction.
Then, heart pounding, she forced herself to choke down the remaining alcohol.
Thursday, December 21, 2017
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
It's snowing in Vancouver. The whiteness blankets everything and looks quite beautiful. I've never been one to like nor dislike the snow. I find joy in the prospect of being able to build a snowman, but the snow is too slushy to be of good substance.
Lately, life has been less than exciting. Back to the boredom of a repetitive routine. Nothing to spark up the desire in my heart.
Even attending events doesn't really seem to pique my interest anymore. Sure, I can drink and dance to the music I love and do whatever else I want to... but I still feel empty. I want to feel something exciting! Something more. I want to meet someone that shows me more.
Pain, pleasure... whatever the rest of the spectrum may be. I want to feel alive. Because as of this moment I'm trapped beneath marble like a statue. And I don't feel.
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
I haven't gotten too many hours out of this game, but it certainly has enabled more fangirling/fanwomaning on my part. Waaaahh... ♡♡♡
Friday, December 8, 2017
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Counting every step
I did not know what was to come
But still I tried and dreamt
I honestly can't say
This must be the love they speak of
In those myths I read
To keep this endless high
The more I let go, the more I am whole
This time it's for real
Oh, we wonder how we did not see
Our eyes open when we find that love
And we heal
Monday, December 4, 2017
Saturday, December 2, 2017
The two of us were always one
At home we were invincible, weren’t we?
We’d longed to come to this town for a long time
For some reason, I remember the scenery
Embracing the beautiful sky the day we left
--Seishun Amigo / Shūji to Akira
Everything is an uncertain mess these days. I keep making decisions that throw caution to the wind. Sometimes, I wonder what will become of such a life. Other times, I don't really care. That's life though, really, isn't it?
Everyone goes through their own struggles. But me, I seem to get stuck in the past, trapped like a stick in the mud, wading waist deep through quick sand.
What's wrong with me sometimes? Why does it appear like everyone else is out enjoying fulfilling lives, except me?
Perhaps I'm being too modest; I do party, I do hang out with friends, eat out, watch movies, go on dates, get treated well. I do have a loving family, I'm spoiled and treated like a princess, no one crosses me. I have a dog, I have anything I ever wanted. I truly feel that way.
And yet, I'm drifting in a sea of indifference, nearly all the time.
Monday, November 27, 2017
He had arranged for them to be planted for her, knowing that she favoured roses. It was a feeble attempt at consoling her; they both knew he was severely lacking in the empathy department. But he had grown to care deeply for her, and so he continued to procure things in attempts to make her happy.
"I can't believe it has come to this." Her voice was barely a whisper. A letter sat crinkled on the windowsill. She gestured to it in frustration. "That she has decided to act against us... is unforgivable."
"This was inevitable." Nero came up behind her. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, wrapping strong arms around her waist. "What did you expect, Kaelyn? That your life decisions would sit well with them?"
She allowed herself to lean into his arms. "She didn't have to bring others into this."
"I presume they volunteered of their own accord. None of them were happy that I took you from them."
"It wasn't their decision to make." Kaelyn closed her eyes. "Soleil will pay for this. I swear it."
Saturday, November 25, 2017
Something's missing, but it's a piece of my own heart. A fragment that broke off somehow. Maybe it's embedded itself somewhere I can never find. I'm learning to be okay with that.
Life is full of blandness, full of sorrow--yet there is also a marbling of contentment, a sprinkle of happiness here and there.
The past cuts deep into my heart, shaking me to the core. The knife, Excalibur in the stone. I wonder, if the One pulls out the blade, will I be saved? Or would I bleed out?
I'm the witch. I'm the dragon. I'm frozen into stone.
And I'm okay with that.
A sad tune, a nostalgic story. What will it take for me to forget?
Your eyes, vivid in my mind. Your voice, etched into my ears.
I'm falling on my own, again.
I miss my old blog, 7V13. But it's nice here, too. I have to say, 7V13 was more more raw, but more foolish as well. I bared my stupidity for all to see. In fact, I still do, but hopefully with a bit more grace than my younger days.
Striving to be better, I try my best to reflect on my mistakes. I feel nowhere near where I want to be. I want to figure myself out. Self-reflection is the only path to growth, after all.
In my life, I'm fairly happy with where I am. I have friends, and I'm always keeping busy. I am well-fed, and quite pampered by others. Yet, I do oftentimes feel something empty within myself...
I've thought about it, and I do want it. Happiness.
nothing lasts forever
but across time, i’ll be waving
some things don’t change
nothing lasts forever
but i’ll climb over the wall of time
and wait until you call my name again
i’ll come back
if you think of me sometimes
i’ll come back
if you cry for me
i’ll come back
if you leave a space in your heart empty for me
i’ll come back
back to you
--munbae-dong / epik high
Friday, November 24, 2017
I don't want to leave something unfinished... but...Sometimes, she hated him. Not him, exactly, but the way he was, his upbringing – all of that. Some days, she felt all the social rules and false pleasantries suffocated her, making her regret ever having involved herself into his affairs. Into his work life.
She bit her lip and swallowed back sour words she longed to sling at him. There was no point to, she told herself. Decisions were made, paths were set. There was no going back now. Life didn’t offer second chances. She was born into this position, and there was no changing that.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Was I always one?
I feel like in the past I was a lot more jaded, but now I wouldn't consider myself so. I'm definitely a lot happier. I'm more aware of who I am and what my values are, compared to before.
But, I still sing and dance to the same sad tune, especially when it comes to people I've loved in the past. I can close my eyes and think back to those feelings.
I still look back at the door, the same door that leads down the path of my memories, and somehow expect that you'll be standing there. That I'll find it open. But it never is, it remains shut and covered in dust.
Because, I only ever turned to it when it was convenient for me, didn't I?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for only ever thinking about myself.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Sunday, November 12, 2017
I've been so tired. I can't think, I can't sleep. Everything causes me to be so restless.
I have dreams, so many dreams and memories that sift through my mind but cannot be attained in reality. Tell me, what is the solution to such existential thoughts?
Ignore them, push them away. Pretend they aren't there, like a bad thought pushed to the back of your mind.
I can't, I can't... I keep reaching back for you.
But no one is there.
I'm all alone, the sole ruler of a sad white castle.
Thursday, November 2, 2017
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
For starters, I went to Dooms Night 2017 as Sailor Venus! A rave version, and I went with my group B3K. It's so funny how all 3 girls in our group have names that start with the letter 'K'. One of my girls went as Sailor Mars too.
|Neon future, baby!|
It was such a great night. I reunited with girls I met at Insomnia 2 years ago, and they recognized me! Those gals are the ones that showered me with kandi when I first met them, and inspired me to start making my own kandi in the name of PLUR.
I also had a sweet little gal that came up to me and asked "Are you Sailor Venus?" to which I replied "Yes" to which she responded, "Oh! I'm Artemis!"
She was the cutest little thing. We discovered we were both from HK from the same district, too. I tried comforting her when she wasn't feeling well and we danced together. I ended up giving her the flower kandi armband/bracelet I made, and her reaction was adorable.
One of my gals slept over and the next day we went for a mouthwatering and fulfilling lunch at Bob Likes Thai Food. We even got bubbletea after!
I've basically been spending a lot of time with friends. I went for brunch with Baker Boy on Sunday, and I went to see a movie at the Rio Theatre with Bri Bri today -- loads of things like that. Keeping busy is a good thing, I guess. Especially since, well, I'm fairly new when it comes to being alone.
Well, tomorrow is Halloween and I am back to work. I also need to start writing my novel for November. Shiet, I'm not ready. I think I'm going to write a fanfiction about Kiran in Fire Emblem Heroes, because it's just easier. I need to write a bit every night, then.
A lot of people are loving and supporting me right now. And I have my family and dog. Walking Jacky in the morning is a really good bonding experience. I don't know if I will be getting another dog anytime soon but, we will see! I'm always so tired and busy, that I wish I could relax easier. Maybe I'll try and go back to yoga or take a class?
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Sunday, October 22, 2017
somewhere i lost a piece of me
smoking cigarettes on balconies
higher than ever before, we
tear the sky out of the morning
slowly closing it
--There for You, Martin Garrix / If Only, San Holo
What is life? I know I'll never know.
Life is what you make it, a wholesome x nihilistic blend of tea. In nihilism nothing matters and no-one matters; however, because nothing really matters, one is free to believe in what matters to them and make it real for them.
I find it amusing how, when anything holds religious connotations or references to God, people tend to freak out and spout objections galore. So I have craftily started using the word 'The Universe'. And in that, people understand. It's odd, really. People have a sense of otherworldly concepts like fate, karma, etc. but refuse to credit such things to a 'God'.
Today, my grandpa passed away. He lived to the ripe old age of 90+. He was loved, and he gave love. While I am deeply troubled and saddened by his passing, I know that loss is a part of life.
I feel sorry for my father. He must be filled with grief. However, my mother is no stranger to loss, and she is with him now in Hong Kong. With the love and support of family members, I am certain all will pull through.
On the topic of my own life...
I have been feelin' a surge of luck these days. This past month has been filled with fortune for me; wonderful friends and wonderful events.
I used to think I was alone, that I would never know love -- I was wrong. I do know love. I see it in the face of others, and I try my best to extend that love back.
Slowly, I start to realize I am the one that needs to grow as a person and learn to trust that people care for me. Looming over my heart was always the thought that no one would love me for who I am, and so I always tried to change who I was.
Now, I realize slowly... bit by bit peeling the cloth from my eyes, that I have people who genuinely know and like who I am. Not that my self-worth is based on others, oh no, but it's a wake up call that I was not as abandoned as I led myself to believe.
Everyone is lonely, this I know. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone yearns to be accepted for who they are, to be known.
In order to realize this dream, one has to open themselves to reveal the most hidden (and painful) parts within for the world to see.
I'm trying my best.
Thursday, October 19, 2017
we set the illusion that we're cut to shape
behind it all we're broken and afraid,
grinding to the dust
What is wrong with me?
Why am I so scared to uncover what it is I really want?
Monday, October 16, 2017
`·. There came a knock on the door. Kiran got off her bed, the hem of her nightgown swishing at her feet.
The door opened to reveal Ephraim, the crown prince of Renais.
"Prince Ephraim! What are you doing here?" Kiran exclaimed, clearly startled by his appearance. "It's nearly midnight, milord. You should be resting."
"May I come in?" Ephraim asked. "Princess Shareena informed me that you wanted a sparring partner. Be assured that I am a cut above the rest."
Kiran blinked. It was true that she had mentioned wanting to learn to fight, but she hadn't expected Shareena to take action so quickly. "Milord, perhaps we should reschedule training for another day? It's late, and I don't think I have the energy right this moment."
Saturday, October 14, 2017
so if you're lonely,
you know I'm here waiting for you
October has finally started feeling like fall. I wake with a slight chill in the room, but nestled under the warmth of several blankets, I feel at ease.
My work schedule has been smoothing out as well. I start work anywhere between 10AM~12PM, which I prefer anyway. I'm not so much a morning person; I need at least an hour and a half to prepare everything in the morning, so if I had to work at 9AM, I would have to wake up at 7:30AM! Which is pretty brutal, if you ask me. Some people can, I can't.
Plus, it's always a rush when I need to take my dog out for his morning rounds. I feel bad because I prioritize lazing in bed for a few moments more over rolling out of bed to walk him earlier. But I will improve that, I am aware of it, I will change.
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
i feel the love,
let the past burn into the sun
There was the boy with sandy brown hair and sad eyes. I often saw him on the train in the mornings, on my way to work.
Others around him listened to music or played on their phones, but not him. He always looked deep in thought, with his brow slightly furrowed as he stared out the window. He appeared young, too young to have such a sad expression.
Couldn't it be both?
Sunday, October 8, 2017
can't you see you're my dream?
i can't bear to lose
I don't know what life is supposed to be, but I'm floatin' along anyway. Right now everything is so peaceful, and at ease. In any case, life is always full of surprises, and I hope it's a feeling that no one, and nothing, can ever permanently take away from me.
I stayed up all night reading the novel Salt to the Sea. I could not stop reading! Each page was gripping; the story and characters were riveting. I eagerly devoured each line and flipped through the pages until the end.
That is how I want to write -- something beautiful and tangled and tragic like that novel. I was so afraid Joana and Florian would have a sad ending; every time they interacted, I internally screamed for them to open up to each other. This book seriously gripped me, I can't even explain!
Are we not going to talk about how Florian was younger and Joana was 21? That's epic. Like, when do novels ever show a relationship between a younger man and older woman? I don't know. Revolutionary.
Of course, they had to throw in a wise old man and cute kid -- Heinz and Klaus, respectively. God, I know I will be re-reading this book.
I won't touch on Emilia's sad backstory because I'm sure everyone was as shocked as me when they discovered the truth, but her character was selfless and angelic in a different way than Joana. Emilia was so attached to Florian, I didn't know why at first, but I assumed it was because she was attracted to him. In the end, Emilia did show care towards Joana and even Ingrid, oh my goodness the poor blind gal. I'm ranting and gushing about this novel and it is just pretty sad that I don't have anyone to really share my passion for stories with nowadays. Nobody even reads anymore, do they?
Thursday, October 5, 2017
we were dancing in summer rain,
i knew we would end in pain
Missed call from...
Wednesday, October 4, 2017
And what goes around comes around, because my work mom, a nice older lady, was nice enough to bring lunch for me! I got a pulled pork and mushroom sandwich with a de-licious~ lime tart. It was scrumptious, divine even! I could taste the texture of the rind in the filling. I savoured every bite.
In any case...
I need to start taking better care of my dog. I'm pretty lazy to brush his teeth, and I want to switch his food back to what it was before. I don't think he's doing that well on the new food I bought him; I'm planning to switch him to Orijen senior for convenience, but I might try out Crudo dog food for a raw diet. The only problem is with my work schedule, I don't know who might be feeding him and taking him out in the evenings. I guess I could switch to feeding him once a day, but that seems kinda cruel.
Tuesday, October 3, 2017
I went to support my friend who was DJing at a nightclub last Saturday. I had a really good time dancing and drinking and just about blacked out near the end of the night on the ride home. I vaguely remember chowing down a filet-o-fish, fries, and pretty much 20 chicken nuggets in my stupor. But, I am proud of drunk Karen because she marched into the bathroom and took off her makeup and even took a bath! Wow. Except then she collapsed in bed in a wet towel and fell asleep with her hair in a bun. Heh.
I'm bummed that I dropped my compass card somewhere that night, too.
In any case, today I made a creamy tomato pasta sauce with beans and peas. It was spur of the moment because my friend was talking about making pasta and I suddenly felt compelled to make some. I shyly asked if she wanted me to bring some for her tomorrow and she said yes! I am shy about my cooking. I feel like people wouldn't find it tasty.
Earlier in the week, I made soup out of leftover pork back bone and veggies. It wasn't bad! It was a new creation. I left it on the stove, and my sister tried some. I felt pretty happy when I came home and saw someone had eaten some. I suppose cooking is, like everything else in life, a skill to be honed.
This year I am attending a thanksgiving potluck where I will be bringing mashed potatoes. I am debating whether or not to mash bacon or chives into it, but I think keeping it simple is the best bet. I am grateful for my friend who is always considerate of me. She said I was one of her best buds! I am glad and honoured to be her friend, and I really hope she likes my random pasta and sauce tomorrow.
I feel like I have dreams that are hard to realize, sometimes. I am slowly wading through life, but am none the wiser. I want to feel what I've always been searching for, not knowing what that is, but wanting it nonetheless. I suppose everything is, in itself, a reaction.
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Speaking of which, mom left to HK on Monday to spend time with grandma. She'll be back in one month, but I'm feeling uncomfortable about not having her around. For starters, I have to start waking up early to walk Jax, because usually I walk him in the evenings and she tanks the morning outing.
I'm really lucky I have my sister and brother to help me with my dog. For sure, I wouldn't be able to do it without my family, with my schedule. My partner takes him out for long walks as well; man my dog loves him! He always gets super excited when my partner comes over.
Oh my gosh... so my coworkers told me I have a good singing voice, which I am really shy about. I love singing and memorizing lyrics, but I don't consider myself any better than anyone else. Music is a second language, one that we can use to express ourselves, the same as writing for me.
I'm halfway through my work week and I am exhausted. I start work in a bit and I am already wanting to go home! But, I have bills to pay, so I have to endure it. Seriously though...
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
Later, we moved onto drinks and dinner with another friend at Earl's. Seriously, I had a steak and prawn dinner after that heavy lunch. YOLO! 💁 I need to cut back on the splurging, but I hadn't treated myself in a while so I figured, why not?! I brought lunch to work for the past 2 weeks, so with that money saved, I might as well.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
|Make that 3 times... LOL!♡|
Sunday, August 20, 2017
you are the ocean's grey waves,
destined to seek life beyond the shore
just out of reach
I'm emotionally exhausted. I have nothing more to give or offer at all. I'm a fury of confusion and smoke and mirrors all together in one. It's exhausting. I don't know who I am or what I want. All I know is that I'm living this lie and causing casualties on all sides.
I don't really want what I think I want, that's the confusing part. And what I want, I know I shouldn't have. Like wanting the cake and eating it, too. It just doesn't work out... so why am I always falling into the same pitfalls over and over?
This month... I know it's never going to get anywhere or amount to anything. I just have to wait for this month to be over. But, why do I feel like I want something to happen? It's not going to because it can never be, it's forbidden on all frontiers.
Friday, August 18, 2017
I will lay down my weapons in the fire, for higher love
Armour on, you use your heart as a fortress
Everything bleeds together in some sort of weird, hot mess. Feelings, memories, and people.
I feel like I'm always caught in the middle of something, searching endlessly for a feeling or emotion reminiscent of the past.
Blue eyes and blond hair, a light-eyed brunette; everything repeats itself over and over. My life is filled with memories and emotions that I fight to suppress, but everything is ultimately still very much a part of me.
It's month 3 into my new job at work. I managed to meet some new friends, and I am beyond grateful for their support. But it seems like I shouldn't get too attached because as my friend tells me, "coping is a necessary skill". And everyone is always leaving, coming in and out of our lives, so there needn't be too much attachment involved. Right? I don't know about that. All I really know is that life is short and we have to learn to cherish memories as we make them.
Today I finally hung out with Laer outside of work; we went to the library to study. She's leaving to Japan to study next year, so again, time together is cut short. The same thing happened with Karena... she went back to Japan too, and it was pretty sudden. I can always try to go there and visit them, but everything takes time. And another year passing by seems so difficult for me to embrace as I age.
Sunday, July 9, 2017
On Thursday, I sat with the boys in my training class during lunch break. They all offered me some of their food; I didn't buy any lunch that day. I need to start bringing some healthy foods to work for lunch. My break isn't long enough for me to wander far for eats, unfortunately. Anyway, I got a hot wing, a bit of pita bread wrap, and a piece of chocolate chip cookie. I felt grateful at that time, because sharing food with others is something important to me. I was happy that they considered me close enough to put effort to be nice to me. Two of them always make an effort to greet me, which may be a cultural thing, but it does make me feel valued in the group. Oh I know, I'm too sensitive! 🙈
On Friday after work, my Kawaii Kru friends and I went to the Orpheum Theatre to watch Pokemon Symphonic Evolutions. I wanted to hear more songs from Gold/Silver/Crystal, but they only played a few. The most memorable was "Ecruteak City". I actually cried! Well that doesn't take much, but I was moved. That was from my childhood, man. Nostalgic feelings ensued.
And... Saturday. Well, work, and then a childhood friend of mine and I went to eat dinner and see the new Spiderman movie, which tbh was a bit boring, but the Suit Lady was named Karen. Probably because it's my birthday soon 💖 so the universe is preparing. I even rolled my 5* Summer Robin with +SPD -HP IVs... thanks to the advice of my friend. I'm merging her with my existing Robin~ I love the Ylissean Summer banner! The beach babes are A+! 😍😘 I am lucky to roll Summer Robin and Summer Tiki.
|Jackpot, baby. I love fish+spear designs!|
One thing that bothers me this month so far is that I went to the hairstylist and I tried a new person and while the colour came out fine, I realized over the course of a few days that the hair wasn't cut very well... I feel so gross with my hair that after work on Thursday I have to rush to Leo for him to fix it. It literally looks like the lady snipped off inches from my hair and didn't bother to touch the ends up. My hair is uneven; one side is longer than the other, and for some reason the front of my hair is longer than the back... I hate it so much but I'm trying to cope. I have never had my hair so ugly... lol. I am still waiting on a response from the stylist to see what she says about it.
Anyway... I'm trying to get back into blogging... gotta record my day somehow so I can remember the good times and vent occasionally about disgruntling times. 😁
Monday, June 5, 2017
I've been praying for somebody to save me, no one's heroic
The next day fell onto her like a heavy cloud of rain. But she knew she would pull through. The clouds always lifted eventually; that was a fact of life. She wasn't going to chase after her demons and beg them for forgiveness, or second chances. The rain would fall freely upon her and wash everything foul from her life like a cleansing shower.
It was a rebirth. And yet, there was a pang of weakness. Not because she mourned for the past, but of uncertainty. Standing on her own two feet felt like she was a newly born foal, stumbling and struggling to walk even the smallest steps.
"You made the right choice," Ethan said. His voice sounded faraway on the phone. "You deserve to be happy, and you don't want people like that in your life, do you?"
She heard a female voice behind Ethan's. "You're better off without all that stress!"
She nodded to herself and hung up the call. However, it was still hard to dream about the future. Right now, she had to focus on healing. And she did know the lesson life was trying to teach her.
The feelings she had, after all, weren't normal. She wasn't supposed to feel this way about him, yet she did, and she couldn't stop the emotions that swelled forward from her heart.
There was no way it was ever going to happen. Just because they had been childhood friends years ago didn't make any of it acceptable. But the way he treated her both infuriated her and stirred up old feelings she didn't realize were there before.
"Let it go," she mumbled to herself. "This is crazy!"
Saying the words out loud did little to alleviate the strange pressure in her chest.
What she would give to actually feel something... different.
Saturday, June 3, 2017
See you tomorrow~
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Monday, February 6, 2017
Disclaimer: This is a personal blog. I use this blog as a means to record my life, thoughts, and random things--like an online diary. If you don't like anything here, please leave!
I had a strange dream last night about Fire Emblem. Since the new app launched with the mobile game FE Heroes, I've been playing it for the past few days and subconsciously things must have seeped into my head!
In my dream, I was in a wedding gown walking down the aisle of an arena to marry Kamui/Corrin from FE Fates! 😐 He was dressed in all black and a black cape with fur trim. It was the weirdest thing ever, seeing as I am a fangirl but never thought of the character that way until I saw him in FE Heroes.
Anyway, I basically had to marry him because we needed to solidify the bonds between our worlds with an alliance. Afterwards we were taken to our living quarters, a home of some sort, with rooms already prepared for the future kids. I guess they expected us to have some... err... and as we walked into the master bedroom together I remember feeling super awkward. What an awkward dream! I'm sure fangirls would love to have this sort of dream about their biases but it was plain strange for me.
Personally, in FE Fates, I am quite fond of Takumi, but only because I think of how fun it would be to brush through his long beautiful hair. I don't actually like his personality or his look that much... I don't know if I really like any male character that much in this series. However, I am fond of the avatar's son Kana, as well as Hinoka and Selkie. It's odd for me because I prefer long hair on girls, but short is cute too!
This dream kinda reminds me of how I always make my avatar marry Chrom in FE Awakening for the two children, Lucina and Morgan. I don't even like Chrom that much, but the support convos between him and the avatar are cute. I honestly can't decide which is the better child, male Morgan or Kana... they're both sweet little peas. I wish real life would be as fun and whimsical as a video game.
Tumblr is the worst blogging site. The people there are toxic, judgmental, and have nothing good to say to others most of the time. My SO said to me, "Who even uses Tumblr?" I wholehearted agree with him, Tumblr users are fucking pretentious.
I had a personal blog for pictures on Tumblr for a bit and once I reposted some fanart with the caption "art not by me", and a user commented that I should remove it. Honey... I know some artists may hate reposts without permission, but some don't mind. If the original artist contacted me to remove the post I would do it.
I did try to find the source, but I believe it was reposted to Pinterest from a Japanese artist and I posted it to my personal Tumblr. People need to mind their own business... this is a private blog, I can post what I want here. I'm not claiming to have rights over the art or taking ownership for drawing it. Besides, a lot of social media sites (Instagram, even Google Photos if you use that) have policies stating that once you post the photo to their platform, they can use that image however they like without paying the person who created it.