Take Me Home ~Revival~

Christmas. Why am I dejected? Always the holiday seasons seem to instill some sort of sickening realizations. Why is life such a bitch? A damn pretty bitch that likes to play games. Cruel games. I hate how life forces me to hurt people. How it gives me so many people and so many "chances at love" that I never asked for. I never asked for romance to begin with. If it happens, it happens... but if they're not 'the one for me', then obviously it's not going anywhere. At the same time, there are people who wish so badly for someone to be with, and they get no one. It's a sick joke. I'm effin' being played, and I'm sick of being the bad guy. Sick of hurting others; sick of hurting myself.

What causes people to fall in love? I was just being myself. I learned from the past not to flirt for fun. I never do that anymore. All the cases that have affected me, I never gave ANY hint that I was interested except interest in hanging out for fun. I guess guys (and girls) just see that as open invitation. And I can tell that the moment they start to see me in a different way, everything changes. But that's life. I'm just tired of awkwardness, lost friendships, & being hated for my feelings that I have no control over. (God, I'm a weak person. Why can't I be strong and leave when I should? It's because I don't know if it's really working or if it's meant to be and that indecisiveness is eating away at the decaying relationship.)

On a completely different note, clubbing last night was so fun. Being slightly drunk is the best, and coupled with the strong dance floor beats it was total heaven. Plus, I really appreciated who I was with...