Day & Night

There is always so much to do, and so little time. My 4-day weekend for the end of October is drawing to a close, and it was such a wonderful time that I haven't documented anything I did.

For starters, I went to Dooms Night 2017 as Sailor Venus! A rave version, and I went with my group B3K. It's so funny how all 3 girls in our group have names that start with the letter 'K'. One of my girls went as Sailor Mars too.

Neon future, baby!

It was such a great night. I reunited with girls I met at Insomnia 2 years ago, and they recognized me! Those gals are the ones that showered me with kandi when I first met them, and inspired me to start making my own kandi in the name of PLUR.

I also had a sweet little gal that came up to me and asked "Are you Sailor Venus?" to which I replied "Yes" to which she responded, "Oh! I'm Artemis!"

She was the cutest little thing. We discovered we were both from HK from the same district, too. I tried comforting her when she wasn't feeling well and we danced together. I ended up giving her the flower kandi armband/bracelet I made, and her reaction was adorable.

One of my gals slept over and the next day we went for a mouthwatering and fulfilling lunch at Bob Likes Thai Food. We even got bubbletea after!

I've basically been spending a lot of time with friends. I went for brunch with Baker Boy on Sunday, and I went to see a movie at the Rio Theatre with Bri Bri today -- loads of things like that. Keeping busy is a good thing, I guess. Especially since, well, I'm fairly new when it comes to being alone.

Well, tomorrow is Halloween and I am back to work. I also need to start writing my novel for November. Shiet, I'm not ready. I think I'm going to write a fanfiction about Kiran in Fire Emblem Heroes, because it's just easier. I need to write a bit every night, then.

A lot of people are loving and supporting me right now. And I have my family and dog. Walking Jacky in the morning is a really good bonding experience. I don't know if I will be getting another dog anytime soon but, we will see! I'm always so tired and busy, that I wish I could relax easier. Maybe I'll try and go back to yoga or take a class?

Wanderlust

she told me there's no turning back

there's no use living in the past

this is the legend of a wild girl

told by a worn out lover from the past

living on the run

intoxicated on her way downtown

we were so deep in love, baby

never thought it would come crashing down

we watched the heavens turning black

you by my side was all i had

this is the story of a young girl

told by a worn out lover from the past

--Wanderlust, Jelle Slump

If Only

somewhere i lost a piece of me
smoking cigarettes on balconies

higher than ever before, we
tear the sky out of the morning

slowly closing it

--There for You, Martin Garrix / If Only, San Holo

What is life? I know I'll never know.

Life is what you make it, a wholesome x nihilistic blend of tea. In nihilism nothing matters and no-one matters; however, because nothing really matters, one is free to believe in what matters to them and make it real for them.

I find it amusing how, when anything holds religious connotations or references to God, people tend to freak out and spout objections galore. So I have craftily started using the word 'The Universe'. And in that, people understand. It's odd, really. People have a sense of otherworldly concepts like fate, karma, etc. but refuse to credit such things to a 'God'.

Today, my grandpa passed away. He lived to the ripe old age of 90+. He was loved, and he gave love. While I am deeply troubled and saddened by his passing, I know that loss is a part of life.

I feel sorry for my father. He must be filled with grief. However, my mother is no stranger to loss, and she is with him now in Hong Kong. With the love and support of family members, I am certain all will pull through.

On the topic of my own life...

I have been feelin' a surge of luck these days. This past month has been filled with fortune for me; wonderful friends and wonderful events.

I used to think I was alone, that I would never know love -- I was wrong. I do know love. I see it in the face of others, and I try my best to extend that love back.

Slowly, I start to realize I am the one that needs to grow as a person and learn to trust that people care for me. Looming over my heart was always the thought that no one would love me for who I am, and so I always tried to change who I was.

Now, I realize slowly... bit by bit peeling the cloth from my eyes, that I have people who genuinely know and like who I am. Not that my self-worth is based on others, oh no, but it's a wake up call that I was not as abandoned as I led myself to believe.

Everyone is lonely, this I know. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone yearns to be accepted for who they are, to be known.

In order to realize this dream, one has to open themselves to reveal the most hidden (and painful) parts within for the world to see.

I'm trying my best.

What the fuck happened yesterday?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ FE: Heroes ~Passion of the Summoner~

: ¨ ·.· ¨ :
`·. There came a knock on the door. Kiran got off her bed, the hem of her nightgown swishing at her feet.

The door opened to reveal Ephraim, the crown prince of Renais.

"Prince Ephraim! What are you doing here?" Kiran exclaimed, clearly startled by his appearance. "It's nearly midnight, milord. You should be resting."

"May I come in?" Ephraim asked. "Princess Shareena informed me that you wanted a sparring partner. Be assured that I am a cut above the rest."

Kiran blinked. It was true that she had mentioned wanting to learn to fight, but she hadn't expected Shareena to take action so quickly. "Milord, perhaps we should reschedule training for another day? It's late, and I don't think I have the energy right this moment."

Torn

so if you're lonely,

you know I'm here waiting for you

October has finally started feeling like fall. I wake with a slight chill in the room, but nestled under the warmth of several blankets, I feel at ease.

My work schedule has been smoothing out as well. I start work anywhere between 10AM~12PM, which I prefer anyway. I'm not so much a morning person; I need at least an hour and a half to prepare everything in the morning, so if I had to work at 9AM, I would have to wake up at 7:30AM! Which is pretty brutal, if you ask me. Some people can, I can't.

Plus, it's always a rush when I need to take my dog out for his morning rounds. I feel bad because I prioritize lazing in bed for a few moments more over rolling out of bed to walk him earlier. But I will improve that, I am aware of it, I will change.

Cosmic Remedy

i feel the love,
let the past burn into the sun

There was the boy with sandy brown hair and sad eyes. I often saw him on the train in the mornings, on my way to work.

Others around him listened to music or played on their phones, but not him. He always looked deep in thought, with his brow slightly furrowed as he stared out the window. He appeared young, too young to have such a sad expression.

He looked like someone I knew; that's what I told myself whenever I saw him. Perhaps I was trying to convince myself. Perhaps I was just lonely.

Couldn't it be both?

It's Okay

can't you see you're my dream?
i can't bear to lose

I don't know what life is supposed to be, but I'm floatin' along anyway. Right now everything is so peaceful, and at ease. In any case, life is always full of surprises, and I hope it's a feeling that no one, and nothing, can ever permanently take away from me.

I stayed up all night reading the novel Salt to the Sea. I could not stop reading! Each page was gripping; the story and characters were riveting. I eagerly devoured each line and flipped through the pages until the end.

That is how I want to write -- something beautiful and tangled and tragic like that novel. I was so afraid Joana and Florian would have a sad ending; every time they interacted, I internally screamed for them to open up to each other. This book seriously gripped me, I can't even explain!

Are we not going to talk about how Florian was younger and Joana was 21? That's epic. Like, when do novels ever show a relationship between a younger man and older woman? I don't know. Revolutionary.

Of course, they had to throw in a wise old man and cute kid -- Heinz and Klaus, respectively. God, I know I will be re-reading this book.

I won't touch on Emilia's sad backstory because I'm sure everyone was as shocked as me when they discovered the truth, but her character was selfless and angelic in a different way than Joana. Emilia was so attached to Florian, I didn't know why at first, but I assumed it was because she was attracted to him. In the end, Emilia did show care towards Joana and even Ingrid, oh my goodness the poor blind gal. I'm ranting and gushing about this novel and it is just pretty sad that I don't have anyone to really share my passion for stories with nowadays. Nobody even reads anymore, do they?

Midnight

we were dancing in summer rain,

i knew we would end in pain

The soft ring of a cellphone echoed through the dark room, accompanied by a low buzzing. Its owner grunted, rolling over in a mess of twisted white sheets. He stretched his arm out and grabbed it; by then it had fallen silent.

He brushed strands of golden hair out of his eyes and squinted at the glowing screen.

Missed call from...

Fortune

Another long day, over with! I'm happy to report that my pasta sauce was well-received by all! My friend at work liked it, and when I came home I found all remnants of it were gone, consumed by my brother (and his friends, apparently).

And what goes around comes around, because my work mom, a nice older lady, was nice enough to bring lunch for me! I got a pulled pork and mushroom sandwich with a de-licious~ lime tart. It was scrumptious, divine even! I could taste the texture of the rind in the filling. I savoured every bite.

In any case...

I need to start taking better care of my dog. I'm pretty lazy to brush his teeth, and I want to switch his food back to what it was before. I don't think he's doing that well on the new food I bought him; I'm planning to switch him to Orijen senior for convenience, but I might try out Crudo dog food for a raw diet. The only problem is with my work schedule, I don't know who might be feeding him and taking him out in the evenings. I guess I could switch to feeding him once a day, but that seems kinda cruel.

Missing In Action

I am finally in bed, comfortable, after another long day. I'm kinda sleepy, and I'm not really in the mood to blog but I am keen to record my thoughts for another night in existence.

I went to support my friend who was DJing at a nightclub last Saturday. I had a really good time dancing and drinking and just about blacked out near the end of the night on the ride home. I vaguely remember chowing down a filet-o-fish, fries, and pretty much 20 chicken nuggets in my stupor. But, I am proud of drunk Karen because she marched into the bathroom and took off her makeup and even took a bath! Wow. Except then she collapsed in bed in a wet towel and fell asleep with her hair in a bun. Heh.

I'm bummed that I dropped my compass card somewhere that night, too.

In any case, today I made a creamy tomato pasta sauce with beans and peas. It was spur of the moment because my friend was talking about making pasta and I suddenly felt compelled to make some. I shyly asked if she wanted me to bring some for her tomorrow and she said yes! I am shy about my cooking. I feel like people wouldn't find it tasty.

Earlier in the week, I made soup out of leftover pork back bone and veggies. It wasn't bad! It was a new creation. I left it on the stove, and my sister tried some. I felt pretty happy when I came home and saw someone had eaten some. I suppose cooking is, like everything else in life, a skill to be honed.

This year I am attending a thanksgiving potluck where I will be bringing mashed potatoes. I am debating whether or not to mash bacon or chives into it, but I think keeping it simple is the best bet. I am grateful for my friend who is always considerate of me. She said I was one of her best buds! I am glad and honoured to be her friend, and I really hope she likes my random pasta and sauce tomorrow.

I feel like I have dreams that are hard to realize, sometimes. I am slowly wading through life, but am none the wiser. I want to feel what I've always been searching for, not knowing what that is, but wanting it nonetheless. I suppose everything is, in itself, a reaction.