dead end

Karelosina’s breath escaped her throat in harsh little gasps. Fear snapped at her heels as she tried not to fall; the fear blotted out all her thoughts. Clouds masked the moon overhead. She could hardly make out where she was going, but her legs continued to carry her, even as she stumbled blindly through the forest. Her lungs felt as if they would burst any moment. No amount of training in the world could have prepared her for this. She was physically fit; she knew how to handle a gun; she wasn’t afraid of the dark. Her commanding officers once commended her for her bravery. She thought that had been false praise even then, and now she was certain. A person couldn’t be brave if they had nothing to lose. Now Karelosina was afraid, more afraid than she had ever been.

In training camp, she knew that she could surrender at any time. Tonight everything was real. No one would be playing her game. She took a sharp left into some shrubbery and dropped to the ground. On her hands and knees, she crawled into low-lying bushes, not feeling the thorns slice her cheeks. She clamped a hand over her mouth, hoping to muffle her heavy breathing. There was nothing she could do about her thudding heart. If they found her...

The punishment for desertion was death. No exceptions. The officers would force her onto her knees and tie her hands behind her back. The rope would dig into the soft flesh of her wrists with every movement she made. She would face a blank wall. The soldiers would smack her with the butts of their rifles every so often, just to remind her that she worthless to them. They would beat her on a whim. The soldiers would laugh as she recoiled at every gunshot they fired. Then, when the soldiers grew bored of teasing her, they would shoot her for real. Karelosina had seen other deserters die. Their blood splattered onto the wall like an impressionist painting. The bodies remained in their kneeling position before toppling over into the dirt. All of them died with their eyes open. Karelosina had checked once, when the officers had left the bodies behind for the dogs. They died staring into an expanse of whiteness. Perhaps they continued doing so in the afterlife, or wherever it was they went. She had never thought she’d be one of them.

The group of soldiers ran by, barking orders to each other, but no one stopped to look under the shrubs. She waited, praying to anyone who might be listening, not caring that she had forsaken god as a child. Time passed. Karelosina did not know how long it had been when she opened her eyes. Karelosina lifted her head and peered into the darkness. No flashlights, no dogs, no men. She was safe for now. Karelosina dragged herself out of her hiding place. She knelt and held her hands up to her face: scratches decorated her palms and she could feel dirt in her wounds. A shudder ran down her spine when she thought of the stitches she would require.

But she was alive. Karelosina got to her feet, and swayed to one side before managing to remain upright. She inhaled the sharp scent of the trees around her. Pine. The smell had been more comforting before. When she was a child, she had taken her sled out and played with the other children. She had gotten lost once, hadn’t she? Who had found her? She shook her head, trying to get the insanity out, but she was so tired. Karelosina’s hand drifted to her hip: her gun remained in its holster. She stroked it once before dropping her arm to her side. She stood like that for a while, not knowing what to do. Karelosina hadn’t expected to get this far. She wondered who had paid the price for letting her escape the barracks. The guard on duty hadn’t been very attentive tonight. At least Krachtallie was safe. Karelosina had managed to spare one person from getting hurt by her. That was all she could manage.

Low growling started up behind her. Karelosina thought she was dreaming. The wolves had been chased out of the forest years ago. There were no wild creatures here. There were traps, and poison...nothing could be alive. Karelosina turned and saw that it wasn’t a wolf. Instead, a majestic white dog snapped its teeth, its hair bristling on its shoulders. The man beside the dog smiled at her. Karelosina reached for her gun but he shook his head.

“Don’t do that.”

Karelosina ignored him. As soon as her fingers wrapped around the gun, she felt a searing pain in her hand. She screamed once, a drawn out sound that echoed through the trees. The dog had her hand in its jaws and was shaking it back and forth. Fangs crushed her fingers. She dropped the gun and it bounced silently onto the needles that carpeted the ground. The dog released her and trotted back to its master’s side. The smell of blood mingled with the scent of pine. Karelosina couldn’t feel her right hand anymore.

“Always so rebellious.” The man stared at her hand. “Now we have a mess to deal with.”

“I wasn’t going to shoot you,” Karelosina said, unable to stop shivering.

“Oh?”

“You don’t deserve such an easy death.”

“Why reach for the weapon, then?”

“It was for me.”

“You were going to kill yourself?” The man smiled. “Now that’s dedication.”

“I’d rather do that than be with you.”

He stepped towards her. “Karelosina. You know how much I care about you. Think about this from my point of view. We meet, we have fun, and then you disappear all of a sudden. I have no idea why you’ve been avoiding me. I gave you a good time, didn’t I?” He cupped her chin in his hand and searched her face. “You said a lot of pretty things the last time I saw you. Too bad none of them were true.” His grasp tightened. “You mustn’t lie to me again.”

“That hurts.” Karelosina tried to remain impassive. “Your dog already ruined my hand.”

“The dog’s well-trained. You’ll be fine. Besides, I don’t want a cripple.” He patted her cheek as she shuddered. “What do you say we start again?”

She spat in his face, but he had anticipated it, and turned his head.

“Just kill me,” Karelosina said.

“If you don’t start cooperating, I’ll do more than that. I know you don’t care about yourself, but that friend of yours, Kraut, will suffer. I heard his parents are still alive. He loves them very much, does he not?” He smiled. “And you...how do you feel about him?”

Karelosina stared at the ground, silent, head spinning.

“Good.”He reached for the top button of her shirt. “Let’s see how well you obey orders.”