dead end

sinner

schwarzwald

night shift

trickster

grasshopper

everything seems to be an itch to scratch
there seems to be no purpose to it all
just an impulse to be followed
or resisted, or ignored
but in the end, they come and go
at least, i thought so


i've scarred myself already
clawing at a patch of skin
red and bloody raw
trying to find out just how much longer
will it take to rid of this one itch
that calls for my happiness

Those empty eyes, that bleeding heart. That comforting feeling of holding so tightly onto something he had no control over. He felt it more than anything. He felt his love slowly slipping away, and the coldness filled his mind with doubt.

Had I ever loved at all? Was it even love?

He couldn't tell for sure. Perhaps it was merely sticking a girl into his ideals, into the plans he willed to happen. Marriage, moving out, a family. Did it even have to be that girl? His mind told him no. His heart said otherwise. But he no longer wished to listen to that wretched thing.

That girl had lied. She had promised him the world, and delivered nothing. Perhaps it was because she was young, but he didn't want to make excuses for her. She was different, unlike anyone he had ever met. Refreshing, and painful at the same time. He had tried to be himself. She was the only one to see that, and now she was gone.

He couldn't remember the last time he was happy. Truly. And so, he filled his nights with friends. Smokes. Alcohol. Drinks were a big thing for him. They sustained his life, helped him sleep, comforted him. What a sad feeling. If Dragon had known she would have been disappointed. He could envision her eyes, her look of pity. She never did respect him.

He vaguely wondered if she still wore the ring he gave her. The ring that was supposed to represent their love, until they met again. The dreams that had to be silenced, they haunted him. They wouldn't just go away.

Empty beer bottles littered the room. He smiled in satisfaction at the sight of them. At least something still made him feel okay. Dragon had never liked his drinking, but to hell with her. She was a thing of the past, and he no longer cared for her. At all. At least, that's what he tried to convince himself, all the time.

innocence

Hello Karen! I wanted to say thank you for the lovely gifts. I was so impressed with keychain--I still have the batman one, you know. :) You're such a thoughtful person. Everything really meant a lot to me. Your card's wonderful. Absolutely perfect. You've always had a way with words. I was really happy when I read it. I'm glad we're still friends after all this time. Even meeting up once in a while is good enough for me. Hopefully we can continue to maintain our special little friendship despite whatever comes our way. I only wish I could be more of a help to you, but if my sitting there like an idiot works for you, it works for me? Haha. Please don't let things get to you so much. Things get better. You must believe that. There are so many nice things in the world...really...and I'm saying this as someone who couldn't care less a lot of the time. So. That was my little gush of happiness. Current state of things: couldn't be better. Or maybe it's just that I'm so content, I wouldn't want anything to be different. Please be good to us, November. ...because months are totally like people.

I was inspired, and so, I wrote this...alternate universe type thing? It's still E4, but it's...different, as you shall see from like the first sentence. I'm trying really hard to write. I'm going to try to continue this story too, and not leave it open-ended and hanging. Unless I really hit a wall. But yeah. I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. Anyway, I hope you like it. c: ...yeah I shouldn't re-read things or I'll never post them. So here it goes!