Right Of The Soil

I woke up feeling groggy, but well-rested. I'm back in HK again, to visit my relatives, and attend my cousin's wedding.

The plane ride here was all right. I watched two movies and slept, ending the trip with a shark documentary. I think I've grown accustomed to sitting in a comatose state, thanks to the courtesy of my office job. I was sore as hell after, but sitting for 13 hours will do that to a person.

I re-watched Black Panther because that was a great movie, Michael B Jordan was just... well, you know, he's hot. Bust-your-braces, hot. And I watched Maze Runner: The Death Cure after that, and it exceeded my expectations! The latter movie was jam packed with action and made me laugh, it was overall enjoyable which I don't remember the previous movie being.

After I landed my mother and father, grandma, and big uncle, were at the airport to fetch me. Then we met up with my auntie Emily and uncle Tat to eat breakfast. We had HK style breakfast which consisted of macaroni in soup with meat, eggs and toast, and of course, HK milk tea, which is the bomb. So delicious.

Then we retired to rest a bit at my grandma's place, which is where I'm staying, before my mom pulled me out to eat again a mere two hours after we just ate. It was worth it though, because the fish congee and yau ja gwai (Chinese cruller) I had was divine! I haven't eaten that deep fried stuff in years. Mom and I shared a pot of apple tea which was quite refreshing as well.

Then we walked around a bit to shop, picked up some things, before meeting with my big uncle to head out to Tsim Sha Tsui to pick up big aunt after she got off work and then we walked around to try and find me a dress for the wedding. I picked a delightful design from Snidel, a pink dress embroidered with flowers, but we didn't end up buying it. Big uncle even drove us to another shopping centre to search for that dress but we could not find it. Anyway it was great to be back by the water again. HK has very beautiful waterside views, and the shopping here is incredible as to be expected.

For dinner, I had pork tonkotsu with curry and a side of takoyaki and miso soup but I was so full I didn't even wanna eat it! (I still ate it with the assistance of my father.)

I ended up buying a pair of platform sandals with a cork bottom and metallic silver straps. Hip, I know. They're pretty comfortable. I also bought some stickers with a trendy anime design.

At home, I was dead tired. I wanted to start writing a story but fell asleep and slept soundly until my mother woke me up asking if I wanted breakfast... This is the life, right?

Overgrown

Darn, I'm leaving Wednesday night and haven't even begun to pack. I should get on that ASAP...

I bought "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" and plan to bring it with me on the trip. I also noticed Jojo Moyes released "Still Me" and I definitely plan on buying the softcover once it releases. It seems like the third (and final) part of the "Me Before You" titles. Dude, the new guy in there is named Joshua. Haha... don't mind my fangirling.

Off to pick up my dog from the groomer's now.

Deep Cleanse

We got lifted on a Monday
Then we floated away and it was Sunday
We get high up on the low down
Every day spinning like a merry-go-round
All we want is to forget
All we want is to forget

--Lifted, Allie X

So it begins... again. I am staring at a blank page and attempting to fill it with words that hold meaning. I have retreated back to this place in an attempt to rediscover myself. A timeless and repetitive ritual from the past, whenever things in my life get shaken up or aren't going as peachy-keen as I'd hoped.

Every time I read back on previous entries, there's always a twinge of longing and regret, and the same repetitive mistakes and longing for the past because hindsight is 20/20. But my eyesight has always been poor to begin with, haha. No wonder my life decisions suck.

I wasn't mature enough to handle my blessings, nor was I too appreciative of them. And it seems like everyone moves on, except me. It's been years... so many years, that naturally I feel like the only person who still dreams about how things could have been different. But we can't simply go back into the past, it's impossible.

Still, I wish I could dive back into the time of my younger self, because I used to be able to write things so easily. Things just clicked into place, whether I was creating random Neopets-based characters or writing fanfiction with my muse Natalie. I'll try and soldier on alone, because that's life, but have I always been so crippled? Perhaps, I don't even know anymore.

I realize that I don't write much about my life and life events, so I'll try and change that. Well, er... today I went to church with Jo and had lunch with him after. I enjoy participating in worship with him and meeting likeminded friends. They're doing their best to take care of me in my fragile state. I'm trying my best to understand God again.

Last Saturday there was a community day for Pokemon Go, so I met up with my Valor Group to catch shiny charmanders at the park. We brought my dog and my coworker/BFF Tim came with me. It was a great time also. Not much to say there except how blessed I am to have friends to play silly games with, haha. I have a female tyranitar named Daisy and all I need is a perfect male tyra so I can name him Berlin, after my tyranitar in SoulSilver. Man, those were the days, huh? They were for me... I have so many fond memories of playing that game.

This week I'm planning to read "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" for the first time, and I should probably also watch the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"... anything to keep my mind occupied for the time being so I don't go insane. If I'm not missing one thing, I'm missing another. It's time to get a grip on this problem.

Time To Go

I've been listening to Canadian artist Allie X and her songs touch me in a big way. I love "Paper Love", "Downtown", "Need You" and "Casanova". Basically everything from her CollXtion II album. I wish I could use this musical inspiration to write something passionate myself, but alas. Nothing.

Does love go away? Does that fire and spark of being held in someone's arms in the dim light, that feeling of immense happiness spreading inside you, that feeling of euphoria -- is it all just pheromones? Well, yeah, the simple answer is yes. But the aftershocks leave me in cinders. Or at least it did.

It took me a long time to acknowledge that I'm the type of person that always relives the past and is stuck in the past as long as it is beneficial to my interests. Maybe others experience this and just don't say anything.

This human existence haunts me. This body and its thoughts haunt me.

I'm here dancing on the edge of the night
I'm sleepwalking with a hand full of blue dice
One Hail Mary for the hole in my heart
I'm outside waiting for your love on the boulevard

You're a heavenly creature
With a real dark agenda
You can turn a believer
To a damn dirty sinner

--Casanova, Allie X

Smoke Signal

Sometimes, I feel like a phony. It's so easy to put on a mask and smile and pretend to be the perfectly normal, cultured woman that society conditions me (to want) to be. But inside... I feel like it's all a farce. Like the angel that others see I am, this little creature, is all fake. It's an act.

Some men may have notches on a bedpost but I have notches in my heart, and there have been many people whose hearts I have broken with a smile and empty pleasantries. Maybe people are readily bewitched by what they want to see, to a fault. I believe that.

I still want to write about something, a sad story, a story from my heart that will somehow satisfy my longing. If that's even possible given the current state of rot my brain is in...