Crystal Dream Carnival

I have to leave for school soon. I just thought I'd put my fashion show photos up -- you know, the ones with RinRin and me.

Everyone said RinRin Doll was nice, but I personally thought she HAS to be nice because she's a model. It's her public persona. I secretly felt that she thought we were weird or strange. But people can't always be open with how they feel.

All I can say is, I don't like the way my nose looks... Argh, so flat. Other than that, I'm pretty comfortable with the way my body is... but in photos, every model has such a high nose. ;_;

It's not like people don't love me for who I am. My boyfriend, family and friends care about me just fine... but it's just how we see ourselves, you know? That crack in the mirror and us criticizing ourselves based on the standards set by society.

I know this but how come I follow it blindly???

At least she signed some post cards for me...~ That was sweet of her.

Instagram quality, haha!!!

I'm thinking about ordering a cake for my boyfriend's birthday. We've been doing all right... ^^ I'll post some ideas soon.

I might as well also post these photos here~ My short-lived lolita days:

RinRin's Meet & Greet @ Cactus Club

High tea @ Rose House

dysthymia

I got chosen as a model for Angelic Pretty's mini fashion show. I don't really feel too excited or anything, even though I know a lot of girls would love this opportunity. Would they? Lol, I don't even know. Do I even care?

northwest fan fest 2014

so i was lucky enough to be selected as a model for fairytale boutique @nwff. i modelled a gorgeous blue dress from automatic honey called "moonlight pegasus". the dress was covered in individual crystals and was very beautiful. the headdress was a veil with more crystals, and... everything was just very elegant and extravagant.

i'm so lazy to post photos... lol but i should, what kind of blogger am i, anyway... the answer to that is, a bad one. hah~

borrowed my friend's btssb scepter~

Model's group shot~ i-is it cute?

it was a really fun experience, and i got to spend time with two of my local lolita friends... i really felt so lucky to be there. i won't forget my happy feeling... such an experience, i'm so thankful for.

i really hope i can get the chance to model for angelic pretty when they come to vancouver this august. i don't really have anything to look forward to recently... but no point in worrying, if i can just focus on improving myself, things should be fine, right?

filled with poison / but blessed with beauty and rage

once upon a dream

Michael's Blessing Rose Headband &
Searching for Baroque Pattern Tights♡

My rose hair accessory and tights from BABY arrived today. The little pink roses look so delicate, and exquisite at the same time... seems really delicate. The entire band is wrapped up in pink ribbon. I can't wait to wear this coordinate~

The fashion show is on Saturday, so I have to prepare for that. At least I have the day off... I'll upload more photos of things I bought later. I haven't had much time for personal things lately...

yeah my boyfriend's pretty cool  |  but he's not as cool as me

-lana del rey, brooklyn baby

ULTRAVIOLENCE

Sweet chocolate biscuit houses~
A mini lolita meet on 6/16/2014

I feel more like a lolita lately. I'm slowly reaching my goals of dressing up in the fashion more! Two other lolita and myself have created a little group of sorts. I hope we can continue to share our mutual love of the fashion.

They say, "do not cast your pearls before swine"; but how can I know who is to be trusted and who will turn to trample me? People are so ugly, people are so disappointing. Lately my attitude is turning more and more bitter and mistrusting towards people. I need to focus more on myself. As if I wasn't selfish enough, already.

I felt that I don't have an identity. I felt I'm trying too hard to be too many different things at once. I don't really know who I am. A lot of women don't care about what others think, they disregard the opinion of others that might be negative. But for me, I'm too nervous about everything. I try to balance delicately on the fine line between conventional and deviance. I can't be like the others, but I feel awkward singled out as well.

I have prooblemmmss~~~ but I just focus on x.

Oh and regarding the lolita meetup I had... Umm, what? Well I guess I forgot to mention that, but I met up with some local lolita and a dear friend of mine. We went to eat Japanese food in the morning in Steveston and then ate again at my favourite high tea place. Here are the obligatory food photos, haha~ I am so lazy to post anything lately. Or write, for that matter. There are too many things on my mind. ;w;

My darling darjeeling tea and macaron... Truly blissful!
"La Petite Cuillere" in Vancouver *^^*

A princess lunch~ "Ichiro" Japanese restaurant in Steveston.
The sushi chef said we were "kawaii lolita" as we were leaving... *^^*

gloria

it hurts tonight. i don't know what.
a mixture of numbness and pain.
a numb pain. hard to describe
like harsh pain dulled by medication
medicated by life experiences
so cruel, so jaded. disappointment
building this barrier to protect oneself,
shutting out happiness. but at the same time
disappointment.

wishing for understanding from the angel
we cannot even see.

Eating the Bread of Idleness

Today I feel so worried. It's normal for humans to feel firstly negative about everything, isn't it? Sometimes I wonder where my life is going because I have a lot of this negativity, but oftentimes it shows up for no reason and is unjustified.

I have a lot on my plate this week. I just have to tough everything out and be mature! I'm going to straighten everything out at home, walk the dog, possibly go to the gym and study in the evening for class. These are all mundane activities I have to perform, aren't they? But to what end and for what purpose?

April 10th is the date. I am waiting for a date in the future to arrive, but time loves to tease.

Untitled Morning

This morning was a morning of mixed emotions. ( p′︵‵。)

I woke up really early and 자기야 came over with his big suitcase, since he was leaving Vancouver on a flight later that afternoon. We got into a tiff over trivial matters, but managed to solve our disagreement with enough time to eat a lovely breakfast at "Locus" on Main St.

I've been there with my BFF before, and last time I got the benny special, which happened to be smoked turkey. I didn't like it *too* much, but the nugget potatoes and coffee are always good to me! My friend got the wild boar poutine, which was a very flavourful and unique dish.

Obligatory food photo of my meal~

I don't have a photo of what I ate this morning, since most of the time I don't take photos of my food anymore; I just eat it! But this morning's choice was much more satisfying than my previous one. I chose the "Main St. Eggs" with bacon, which was delightful.

오빠 got the "Steak & Eggs", which was delicious too. He was really full once we were finished eating, and we both had 2 cups of coffee each. (´；ω；`)

Then we drove to the airport and he had to go check in for his flight while I went back home to do my own things. Yeah... bye-bye, 오빠... I don't know how the time is going to pass by from today on...!!!

Afterwards, I went to Metrotown to meet up with a local lolita to hang out. I also met up with a local alpaca fanatic, ("Alpaca Galore" on Facebook) to adopt this adorable alpaca prince from her. He is such a sweet, cute little baby: a 12cm white prince.

His name is Wilfred. What a tiny, adorable cute little baby!!! ♡

I hope to get two more little babies, another girl and boy. I think the "Caffe Kids" series' beige butler with the green bowtie is adorable, and so is the pink girl from the "Powa Powan" series. I'm mostly likely going to get those two, we'll see~~~

Anyway, my lolita friend and I went to my place to hang out and chat a bit. We watched "Mister Rococo", which was an odd piece of comedy... and that was my day. A bit stressful, and I miss my baby...

Oh, but the one ray of sunshine today is that my BABY dress arrived:

Scalloped hem = love~

I love it a lot, it's like a sister dress to Chocolate Fascinate Fairytale. Anyway, thanks for visiting.

"Chocolate Princess"

On April 5th, I participated in a small spring fashion show for the "Sakura Days Japan Fair". This event took place at VanDusen Botanical Garden. A lot of local lolita showed up in their frilly dresses to take part in this event.

I chose to wear my Chess Chocolate Jabot JSK and that boston bag I waited so long for. Yeah, a lot of gals commented on my chocolate bag and congratulated me for finally finding it! Which I smiled because it really is a charming bag, if bags can be such things. (*´∀｀*)

Chess Chocolate Jabot JSK! ｡*ﾟ✲*☆
Chocolate from head to toe. I'm a basic lolita.

I like to refer to myself as a "basic lolita", referencing the slang term "basic b*tch". It basically means that my style is a generic style of sweet lolita that all sweet lolitas love. You know, Angelic Pretty, pink, chocolate, etc.

I don't find anything wrong with that, it's just that I haven't really developed my style to become unique like some of the seasoned lolitas I know. But I suppose one could use this term for lolita of all categories, because gothic lolitas love black lace and MmM (haha) and... well, country lolita must love strawberries, straw hats and... plaid? IDK. All I know is that for now, I'm fine being basic in my sweet style. (Did I mention I also love roses, cute little animals, and candy hearts? Lol.)

More coming soon? I should post a big group photo of us all, and introduce the new (and old) friends I met, but for now I just wanted to document another successful outing in lolita! *^^* I did resolve to wear my frills more, didn't I?

The majority of active members in the Vancouver lolita community attended.
[ Photo Credit: Dale L. ]

Thanks for visiting~~

Chocolat Dance Party

I should be sleeping... but instead, I'm not! I'm blogging! (*´꒳`*) Because I said I would try and blog more, so I will keep my promise to myself. If you have blogger too, let's follow each other! I want to encourage others to write about their daily events, too. Or whatever is on their mind..!

I wanted to share my photos... yeah~ you know me, just a little bit of lolita-related items and cute things. I don't have an interesting life lately! Work, school, and a bit of leisure time is pretty much my fall/winter this year.

My gorgeous AP boston bag♡ I haven't used yet, but I will carry to a fashion show this April.

Some exciting(?) news is that I bought the Bon-Bon Chocolat Dance Dance Dance Cafe Milk JSK in the "double chocolate" colourway instead of "chocolate vanilla"! This is new for me since I always buy light-coloured prints, I rarely have any dark prints.

I've never bought a dress with navy blue detailing before. I love the scalloped hem~
The whole dress looks like a light chocolate wafer ♫꒰･‿･๑꒱

I like the dark blue! I am slowly drifting away from pink, yeah? (No! Pink is my favourite colour! But I wouldn't get this print in pink.) Actually, I only have two BABY dresses, the other being Chocolate Fascinate Fairytale, and that dress is indeed in pink.

...Sometimes I wonder why I am a sweet lolita? Some people hate on sweet style because it is a common style in lolita fashion, but to be honest sweet is really hard to wear! Everyone will stare and think you are a little girl, or have some strange wish to be a little girl again. But I just love beautiful dresses and I feel this style really expresses my inner personality to be free from society's constraints to conform!!! (Haha, dramatic.)

In truth, I think gothic is much more mature and elegant, and black makes the wearer seem more mature and respectable than a sweet candy dress. But, I love chocolate and sweet prints (same as many other lolita) so I can't help that my style is more common. Who can resist chocolate or biscuit purses? I can't.

Speaking of purses, I bought a purse for casual wear last week.

Betsey Johnson

Nothing special, just an off-brand bag I was attracted to because of the quilted heart stitching.

A lot of the bags I have, I rarely wear out because Vancouver is so rainy, and I (try to) take really good care of my belongings. Several times I carried out my Miu Miu bag and it started to rain... So I remedied that by getting a bag I wouldn't mind getting wet! (Leather is so fickle...)

This bag is actually really spacious, and keeps my makeup bag, wallet, keys and phone all neatly inside. I've never bought anything from Betsey Johnson before, but apparently some of her designs for accessories are popular.

Lastly, I took some photos with a demo of the newest HTC phone! It's called the HTC One (M8). I wish more phones came in pink! Anyway, this doesn't come in pink. But from what I heard, it's a solid phone with several people pre-ordering it before release date. Worth checking out~

Mandatory work selfie with my manager.
I won a free donut from the roll-up-the-rim-to-win, hehe~

Thanks for visiting!!! ♡♡♡
I hope fellow lolitas also enjoy and share their recent purchases~ (ॢ˘⌣˘ ॢ⑅)

Spring

Hello~ off to high tea! Photo by my younger sister ^.^

Hello~ I don't normally blog late at night anymore, or in general really, because I'm not one of those gals who like to show off a lot of my private life to the public. I'm too lazy to take photos of my experiences, and I'm also shy to write about my thoughts and feelings. But hey, it's 2014 and I'm not getting any younger. So here I am!

What's new with me? A lot of working. But I've also been spending time with my friends and my boyfriend's friends as well. I attended Shaun/Shawn's??? birthday party at "JOEY BENTALL ONE" and had a really delicious steak. I also spent time together in the same group of friends to eat fried chicken and beer. I've been having casual moments like that after work. It's a mature, and also nice experience for me. I needed this sort of change in my life, you know? Like some stability and actually liking and trying to get along with people who try and understand and respect me.

I've been to high tea several times, once with my younger sister and younger brother and my boyfriend, but also once with my best friend. Unfortunately I usually dress casual when I'm out day-to-day, so I didn't wear lolita... Anyway, my BFF and I have been watching "ATTACK ON TITAN" together, and it's been super funny.

My style of teacup at "LA PETITE CUILLERE" on Kingsway~
One of my favourite places to visit, because I love their darling darjeeling tea on a relaxing afternoon...

I need to keep my head up. No need to stoop down to other people's level. I'm happy and content the way I am~ and I don't live for negative reasons. I try not to, anyway! I'm independent (to an extent!), I'm rocking this semester in university, I have a car and money to spend and supporting&loving parents, family, friends, loved ones~~ I want for nothing, but it seems I'm in a state of anomie. But I don't want to turn into one of those horrible people who spend money carelessly to show off to others, because I believe people can tell if someone is really of substance or not. I suppose we'll see in the future who goes and stays in life, and who is really worth committing to in the end.

On the lolita end of things, my beloved Chess Chocolate Jabot JSK in ~pink~ arrived safely a couple weeks back! Gosh, she is gorgeous and I already dreamt up a coordinate for her. I can't wait to wear her out, but we'll see~

Beauty~ Ever since I sold the OP, I was searching for the jabot JSK.
I miss the jabot on the OP though, I regret selling it because the jabot JSK's jabot is pin-on, which I dislike. In hindsight, I should have kept the OP's jabot and sold the OP for a discounted price... but oh well!

I also received a lovely JSK from my wishlist: "EMILY TEMPLE CUTE" Chocolatier Rabbit JSK in beige! I got the dress from a sweet Toronto lolita I chat with occasionally. She's super sweet, I enjoy talking with her because she's just a genuine person. I think, anyway!

I love ETC. The dresses are detailed, fanciful, and gorgeous! I own a lot of the brand's rare coveted prints. When I wear casual-style, I feel more "at ease", if that makes sense. I love MILK, Q.POT, EMILY TEMPLE CUTE, those sort of brands... It gives me less pressure than donning full-on lolita. However, BF calls otome-kei "elementary school" look...ㅠ.ㅠ I don't see what's wrong with wearing cute dresses at an older age. The quality is completely different! I'd dress my kids in Emily Temple ANYDAY!

Lolita takes up a large part of my expenses. But my most recent purchases have been AATP Diamond OTK in gold, AP's Royal Chocolate Boston Bag (1st release!!!) and BABY's Bon-Bon Chocolat Dance Dance Dance JSK in Cafe Milk! I wonder how to coordinate these things? I wish I could get the headbow, too. We'll see!!!

Should I not mix PRETTY and BABY? XD Some lolita would think that, wouldn't they~~??? Thanks for visiting!!!

International Women's Day / J-Fest

Today I was unsure whether I was going to attend J-Fest, which is an annual mini-con. I don't normally attend conventions because I'm not deeply into anime or anything. The only anime I really like is "Attack on Titan", which most people already know... 

Anyway, I decided to go because going to conventions is fun for me to see the cosplayers as well as other lolita. I bumped into some of the local Vancouver lolita -- I believe Kelleigh and Charlene -- and we chatted briefly. But I'm still quite shy from all the people asking to take my photo. Doing so makes me nervous. Anchovy said he's worried people will use my photos for indecent things, but a lot of cosplayer's photographs get taken at conventions. So really, to me, it must not be that bad???

I wore AP's "Holy Night Story" with "Holy Lantern" socks~
I really wanted to wear this print during Christmas but I was too shy.

Bunny teapot~ I improved so much as a lolita from my past years!

I really hope I find Angelic Pretty's Royal Chocolate boston bag (first release) in time for April! I am planning a coordinate with the pink Chess Chocolate JSK mentioned in my previous post. I haven't decided which OTK or shoes to match with that coordinate yet, but I will be taking photos with flowers in a lolita fashion show...? *^^* SELF-MOTIVATE MYSELF TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY~~ like lolita fashion~~

I should wear my royal chocolate socks or maybe the new AATP diamond socks in gold? Even after I reminded myself to stop spending money on brand over-the-knee socks, I couldn't help it... They are just too gorgeous...!!!

CHOCOLATE CHESS GET!

Exciting news! I impulse-bid on an auction and wound up getting Chess Chocolate's Jabot JSK in pink~ like I wanted. The headbow is even more beautiful than my last!   But I have to sell a pair of my Royal Queen OTK since now I have two pairs in pink, which I don't even need because I promised I'd swear off buying OTK socks for a while. ^^" It's hard because I really love OTK socks!!! especially from AP...

I also splurged on a lockshop wig~ chocolate cherry amo-inspired wig from their website. I think I want to wear this + chess choco to the fashion show in April! we shall see... My anchovy wanted a more mature girlfriend, but I ended up being more... childish... /flails  I can't help my love for the elegant and sweet lolita fashion. I wish I could wear the fashion all the time but people don't seem to appreciate alternative fashion... I'm just so shy! But i have to make a goal and achieve the goal~ which is to attend the convention this year, dress up in 2 outfits, and also... To take a photo in the snow (christmas ??!!) with my Holy Night Story. T.T  I must!!!!!

Gorgeous dress is mine *^^* Wallet cries!!! But hey, "YOLO"!

I cannot wait. Ever since I sold my OP I wanted to re-buy this in the JSK style. I find the princess OP and regular OP are too "formal" for my liking... My lolita style is casual and otome, and because of my self-consciousness I prefer to mix lolita into a style/version I can get away with in everyday situations. (Which is one of the many reasons why I love ETC.)

Mikasa & Annie

(A/N: I prefer to spell Annie's last name as "Leonhart" because that is technically the correct way to spell the name. "レオンハート" is the Japanese writing, which some people translate as "Leonhardt" with that random "d". For the Final Fantasy fans out there, this is the same last name as FF8's Squall Leonhart.)

**MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS - I'M JUST POINTLESSLY RANTING**

☆

For those of us that celebrate, today (or yesterday for those in Asia) is Chinese New Year~ since I live in Canada, we are a day behind. In any case, I heard the year of the horse is supposed to be good for people born in the year of the sheep~ which would be yours truly~~ Well, here's hoping!  All I really did was eat dinner together with my family and receive a couple red pockets. For my family, CNY isn't too big of an event since all my relatives are in HK.

I recently made a beaded poodle as a gift~ It was my first time to make some sort of craft for a looong time! I am sort-of proud of making this, but I don't know how much the recipient liked it!!!

My bead poodle, "Pearl Choco"~

I based this craft off of a real poodle that the recipient owns at his family house~ a small toy poodle called "Choco". I really thought this might be a special gift -- you know, receiving something handmade? But who knows, maybe nowadays all people appreciate are gifts bought with a lot of money...

I remember people who didn't bother appreciating my gifts. People who just threw my gifts in the garbage or gave them away to other people... but I forgive them. I can't change other people and their nasty personalities, but my life has no room for negativities! I am living a happy, positive life with all my loved ones and those who choose to betray can exit my life and I have no regrets~ 

Also, I got a membership last month(?) to the Robert Lee YMCA in downtown Vancouver.  I got a plus membership. I have been hitting the gym a lot lately! Which is so great for my health. Sometimes I am so lazy to drag myself there, but my anchovy always motivates me. Hehe... I feel myself growing stronger and slimmer, too. I bought a lot of new workout gear, such as lululemon tights, Nike shorts, etc. and it really boosts my confidence to look good in the gym~

lululemon patterned tights & lululemon LE ruffled hem tank~
and of course, my new nike sneakers *^^* so comfy...~

I see some girls in the gym "working out" in converse shoes, or not properly tying up their hair... to me, that is NOT proper exercise. Converse shoes are flat and they don't support your stance or provide cushioning for your step when you run... people can end up with heel/foot/leg problems. I can't help but silently 'tsk' at these people... If you are going to go to the gym, then I feel everything dedicated to your body should be 100% effort, not half-heartedness... Running is actually a lot of strain on the knees. I know I definitely need more practice when it comes to my exercising form.

I'm not telling people to go decked out in expensive exercise brands, but at least wear something suited for exercise... I would feel so uncomfortable with long hair flaring all over my face and getting in the way! (I'm a bit of a shop-a-holic but I even bought lululemon's run for fun socks... 4 pairs!!!)

Anyway... I churned out a blog post! I hope I can be more motivated to write about my life. Not that I think anyone reads it! Ha-ha~~

School has been good. I met some new friends and spent time with old friends. Mostly, I've been in awe from taking my intro to sociology course... So much unfairness in the world. But perhaps if I become more educated, I can make a change? Maja~~?