Monday, December 12, 2016


I had a dream where a large sheet of glass broke and a shard embedded itself in my throat. I ripped the glass fragment out of my throat with my fingers and blood started gushing out over my hands with every beat of my pulse.

My parents were there, and someone pressed a folded up napkin into my hands and I pressed it against my throat. The dream felt so real. I honestly thought I was going to die.

I took my phone in my hand and texted him. I forgot what he replied. I tried to send a photo but I could not. It felt very warm at my neck, putting pressure on the wound.

I lived, but did he care? Who was that person?


Noctis took Karelos's hand in the car. For the first time, Karelos felt nothing. No quickening heartbeat or unquenchable longing-- nothing. And she wondered, is this it? Is this the extent of love and passion in the world that comes to a stop? This is the life she had given her past up for?

In the dim light, she could make out his high nose and fine cheekbones from his profile as he stared in front of him. He made no effort to face her, but she felt the warmth spread from his fingers, creating heat in her cold palms.

For a while, neither of them spoke.

"I'm tired, I should get to sleep," she finally mumbled, and she knew it was a weak excuse but still he said nothing.

He let her go with a nod and she slipped out of his fancy car and walked off towards her apartment. Pulling out the card key, she buzzed the door open and stepped into the lobby. A part of her wondered if he had already driven away, but she resisted the urge to glance back. There wouldn't be a point to do that, anyway.

That night, Karelos lay awake in her bed and wondered about what life and what love was. Everything fades, but her life right now was a washing wave that hadn't passed. She pictured herself hitting the sandy shore in a daze and wondered what else would wash up beside her.

Monday, May 30, 2016

Storm in a Teacup

Lately, I've been attempting a healthier lifestyle, which doesn't 100% seem to be working. My body weight/mass is very stable, so I'm not the type to gain or lose weight easily. A blessing and a curse, but I know getting fit takes dedication and willpower--both of which I don't have atm. I have a lot of fatigue and some stress, however... hehe.

Started some yoga classes again~ And drinking more lemon water and coconut water.
(But keeping the classes up is proving more & more difficult...)

Life seems to be the same, no changes. Work seems to be easier, in that I am slowly taking things more seriously and trying to take on more responsibilities to prove my worth. But you know, in the olden days... apprentices would train for years, or decades, to become a master in their professions. My hairstylist Leo was telling me the other day how apprentice sushi chefs, the great ones in Japan, train under a master sushi chef for something like a decade before they can be considered a great chef.

True or untrue as that may be, I guess like working out, improving oneself in all facets of life take dedication and time. Work harder, AND stronger.

Relationship-wise... things have become stable again, with random waves rocking the boat here and there. I've learned with experience that life is best lived without so many expectations of how things should be... a vague outline with a positive outlook is often enough.

Below are two of my favourite sets in the last couple months. Flower-themed nails are so elegant, and both have a different feel~

Pastel floral glory~~ for the last run of spring. May~June 2016

An elegant blue-centered floral. My nail tech painted each watercolour flower painstakingly!!!

I see a lot of copy-cats at my nail salon when it comes to my nail designs. I choose my designs precariously and work with my nail tech to make them a reality; each set is unique and rarely straight copied from a magazine or online.

Someone tried to copy the look of the pastel set with the 3D roses recently... I saw the image on Instagram. Another gal copied the bears on my Christmas set last year, with Duffy and his girlfriend on the thumbs. While I don't mind or claim to be the first to have these nails/nail art, I do have mixed feelings about being copied. I'm sure trendsetting is actually a very flattering thing, but I do appreciate uniqueness and creativity also... there's no need to copy me 100%, is there? I mean... people can put their own twist to things, can they not?

It shouldn't matter, anyway. I need to learn to stop caring about trivial things.

Oh, and my new hair colour is an ashy-gray~~ I love ashy hair, and braids!!!

Love~ I wish I took a photo of all my curled hair cascading down. Oh well, next time!!!

Aaand that's my usual update I guess. Filled with fluff and guarded. I promise I'll try and write something meaningful soon. I don't know how to lump that in with all the rest.


Sunday, January 31, 2016

Secret 2.0

hello, dear blog. i didn't think anyone read this, but in an emotional outburst one night my ex-boyfriend told me he had. so obviously, people must read it who stumble upon this as well? (do you think i'm boasting? this is my private space to express myself and record my life... people are free to think what they wish.)

so, 2016 is here. this year july, i will be a quarter of a century old! i feel myself aging as well. did you also know i moved to a new home? i suppose people have no choice but to keep moving onwards, leaving the past behind.

my new room still has pink walls, and now i have all-white furniture. i posted photos of my new room on fb, but have been so lazy and neglectful towards my blog... i'm just unmotivated, i guess. but i have had my nails done through the holidays and i want to share those designs, because ever since i left lolita fashion (temporarily~???), nail designs have been my passion. so here~

my latest nails, late jan~feb are valentine's themed.

i chose an overall pink/red heart theme, with 3D glitter hearts and a mini-corset pattern with a 3D bow in red. i really like the 3D bunny ears on my ring finger and thumb. various small pearls are placed throughout the set too! so the bunny ears are like a headband. i like the "love" sticker and little pearls on my pinkies as well.

i had a really lovely christmas theme nails too! these were for december.

i wish i took a better photo of this set, this is one of my favourites but the quality is so poor. oh well~ 

i decided to get disney bears, duffy and shellie may, painted on my thumbs~ and people really loved the nude snowflake design (i guess it's the most "basic" that relates to everyone haha). my favourite has to be the 3D stones christmas tree and wreath with the 3D bows!!! they're soo cute! and the present-wrap nails were pretty much filler nails.

lastly, my set for november after halloween was a basic coffin-shaped fall-coloured design. i remember really loving the shape. enough said~

i'd have to say that my favourite nail colour has to be nude, like nude beige or nude pink. dusty colours appeal to me more than bright colours. additionally, i love the colour pink, but i'm really not a fan of hot-pink nails.

i wish i had a general direction while blogging, but this is more of a free space to dump my thoughts than an organized blog. i'm trying to get more in-touch with myself these days since i feel i've become alienated and trying to hard to fit in with being "basic". so we'll see how 2016 goes, and who stays or leaves and who comes along.