Today I read some old text messages from 2014. They were from my past. Someone that I used to be close with, but we fell out, hard. It was my fault. They tried their best and always did what they could to show they loved me. I was the selfish one that always just considered my own emotions and how I felt.
I'm always the prickly pear. I'm always the one who wants to finish first and have the last say.
I hurt people. And I always say I'm going to be better.
Time to show it, this time around. And I'm sorry it continued to rain for you, against that window, even though you tried so hard to be sunny.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
“When the Gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.”-- Oscar Wilde
One of my favourite quotes.
Today I am completely, emotionally and physically, drained.
There is a God. And whatever you believe in, there are higher powers above us watching. And... what am I supposed to do about it? How do I control my actions to behave in a "good" way?
I'm so confused by everything. Sleepless nights, tiring dreams, restlessness. I NEVER expected to be in this situation, this ridiculous Romeo x Juliet situation. It's really immature. And... I still have no idea what "the right thing to do" is.
I know a lot of doors have opened and closed. I've crawled through a lot of windows, as well. People have locked themselves away, never to be found again. And yet, here I am... unapologetic, still myself.
Friday, May 15, 2015
dangerous, so dangerous
i wanna do it again...
After this amazingly long hiatus, I'm back. :D I doubt anyone noticed I was gone. But the good news is that I've actually got motivation to write. And I've changed a lot since last year. So many new experiences and excitement, it's hard to embrace it all.
All I can say is...
Life is full of surprises. Twists and turns, like you never know what will happen. I've learned a lot, hurt a lot, hurt others a lot... Well, you know how things usually go. And it was definitely so exciting and moving and I really had such strong feelings about everything that happened. But I'm also glad everything slowed down so that I could breathe and analyze everything fully.
Initially, I truly was stuck in a hole. There was a lot of trauma the past few months, but I always quickly get back on my feet with the support of my friends. I was out with friends practically every day for two weeks! Thank God for time healing all... except for the fact that time doesn't exist. So it really all boils down to my own self.
What's the point of this post? Being reborn. Forgiving. Being a new person, aspiring to be better. I guess all that jazz, on top of not being so selfish and guarded all the time.
One complain I will have is... Sure, people always scrutinize and judge my life. Sometimes, I feel I must be a celebrity, because so many people talk about me who don't even know me personally. It's really odd; I must be such an interesting person then *boasts*!!! But... I guess I am a pretty different kinda gal. Of course I'll pique their interest. I mean, it's not my fault I can be a psycho-bitch sometimes. People are only human. But if people don't forgive, they don't give others the room to grow and learn.
And that's not my fault. Not at all.
|My new hair. Ashy as always! And ironically, the same colour I had last summer. Only with longer hair. ;w; AND NO BANGS.|
I also started doing my nails again this year after a break. Tbh, I only stopped doing my nails because someone told me he liked the "natural look" better. But since we parted ways, I've been dyeing my hair and decorating my nails again... I didn't mind stopping, but now that I'm alone again, what have I got to lose?#TREATYOSELF
|You like? I really loved this set.|
|Close up of details!!!☆.。.:*・°☆|
Well... that's all I wanna share for now. Until the next post~~ ciao~~