heartless

playlist: 
little bad girl (instrumental) - david guetta
heartless - kanye west
aural synapse - deadmau5

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
< /fall back into old habits >

I can't believe David Guetta, deadmau5 and especially Kanye West are helping me get over my recent sad happenings. The truth is, I am also taking it very hard, and I am trying not to think about it. I haven't found anything else makes me feel happy, at least not in the deeper meaning of the word where I feel an emotional fulfillment. I don't mind being alone, I guess. I don't mind smiling at the few people that have listened and supported me always, which are friends I don't see everyday and my co-workers at Cellcom.

Sometimes when I feel like I want to cry, nothing comes out. I guess that means my brain has already stacked up a wall around my heart to protect me; and I wonder, how much longer until I start to feel again? Do I need to heal, or, can I be happy being independent while only leaning on my friends?

I have just been working and going to school and we are moving to a kiosk soon which I am not excited about but that's life -- and ... now that I have free time, I'm just going to focus on school and work out more. Nothing else I can do

I don't even feel like writing about this but I feel you should know: I let go because I wasn't a good person. I did terrible things, and I regret -- things I wouldn't do if I wasn't young and stupid and foolish and reaching out for something I don't know. You were a big part of my life and always supported me and I guess I decided I am not the right person for you at this time, and I don't know if I would ever be. I really felt like a princess by your side, so I really thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything and I am so sorry I let go of your hand. I really don't think anyone would ever be as wonderful to me as you, but I don't deserve to stay in this warmth anymore. I am so sorry... I really want to come back home to where we were but I just have to remember the reasons why I decided to leave. if i was selfish i would stay. if i really loved you i would go. that's how my life has always been~ haha...! so don't cry anymore, O.K.? and try to get enough sleep. please take care of yourself from now on.
i love you.