Northern Wind

She stared out the arched windows overlooking the garden. Her dark eyes were unreadable as her gaze rested blankly on the rows of rosebushes, not truly seeing them, lost in thought.

He had arranged for them to be planted for her, knowing that she favoured roses. It was a feeble attempt at consoling her; they both knew he was severely lacking in the empathy department. But he had grown to care deeply for her, and so he continued to procure things in attempts to make her happy.

"I can't believe it has come to this." Her voice was barely a whisper. A letter sat crinkled on the windowsill. She gestured to it in frustration. "That she has decided to act against us... is unforgivable."

"This was inevitable." He came up behind her. He buried his face into the crook of her neck, wrapping strong arms around her waist. "What did you expect? That your life decisions would sit well with them?"

She allowed herself to lean into his arms. "She didn't have to bring others into this."

"I presume they volunteered of their own accord. None of them were happy that I took you from them."

"It wasn't their decision to make." She closed her eyes. "They will pay for this. I swear it."

We Were Not In Love

Another day, another night.

Something's missing, but it's a piece of my own heart. A fragment that broke off somehow. Maybe it's embedded itself somewhere I can never find. I'm learning to be okay with that.

Life is full of blandness, full of sorrow--yet there is also a marbling of contentment, a sprinkle of happiness here and there.

The past cuts deep into my heart, shaking me to the core. The knife, Excalibur in the stone. I wonder, if the One pulls out the blade, will I be saved? Or would I bleed out?

I'm the witch. I'm the dragon. I'm frozen into stone.

And I'm okay with that.

A sad tune, a nostalgic story. What will it take for me to forget?

Your eyes, vivid in my mind. Your voice, etched into my ears.

I'm falling on my own, again.

---

I rarely write about my day, and I should probably change that. I used to write about my life in some detail, in an attempt to preserve those memories, but now I tend to only record feelings.

I miss my old blog, 7V13. But it's nice here, too. I have to say, 7V13 was more more raw, but more foolish as well. I bared my stupidity for all to see. In fact, I still do, but hopefully with a bit more grace than my younger days.

Striving to be better, I try my best to reflect on my mistakes. I feel nowhere near where I want to be. I want to figure myself out. Self-reflection is the only path to growth, after all.

In my life, I'm fairly happy with where I am. I have friends, and I'm always keeping busy. I am well-fed, and quite pampered by others. Yet, I do oftentimes feel something empty within myself...

I've thought about it, and I do want it. Happiness.

nothing lasts forever
but across time, i’ll be waving
some things don’t change

nothing lasts forever
but i’ll climb over the wall of time
and wait until you call my name again
i’ll come back
if you think of me sometimes
i’ll come back
if you cry for me

i’ll come back
if you leave a space in your heart empty for me
i’ll come back

back to you

--munbae-dong / epik high

Stale Fairytale

I don't want to leave something unfinished... but...

Sometimes, she hated him. Not him, exactly, but the way he was, his upbringing – all of that. Some days, she felt all the social rules and false pleasantries suffocated her, making her regret ever having involved herself into his affairs. Into his work life.

She bit her lip and swallowed back sour words she longed to sling at him. There was no point to, she told herself. Decisions were made, paths were set. There was no going back now. Life didn’t offer second chances. She was born into this position, and there was no changing that.

In Conclusion

When did I become such a Sad Girl™?

Was I always one?

I feel like in the past I was a lot more jaded, but now I wouldn't consider myself so. I'm definitely a lot happier. I'm more aware of who I am and what my values are, compared to before.

But, I still sing and dance to the same sad tune, especially when it comes to people I've loved in the past. I can close my eyes and think back to those feelings.

I still look back at the door, the same door that leads down the path of my memories, and somehow expect that you'll be standing there. That I'll find it open. But it never is, it remains shut and covered in dust.

Because, I only ever turned to it when it was convenient for me, didn't I?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for only ever thinking about myself.

Bite The Dust

Awaking from a dream
Arising from a slumber
I’m far away from home
On my own

The crimson flame
Like a ruby
It’s the hope
In my eyes

 --Waiting for the Rain / Maaya Sakamoto

White Castle

I've been so tired. I can't think, I can't sleep. Everything causes me to be so restless.
I have dreams, so many dreams and memories that sift through my mind but cannot be attained in reality. Tell me, what is the solution to such existential thoughts?
Ignore them, push them away. Pretend they aren't there, like a bad thought pushed to the back of your mind.
I can't, I can't... I keep reaching back for you.
But no one is there.
I'm all alone, the sole ruler of a sad white castle.

Two-Faced Lovers

A/N: DEAR GOD, IT BEGINS. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, or where I'm going with this, but all I know is that things are going down--town~ /// And don't ask me why. I'm writin' for fun, okay? I mean, lots of people write fanfiction... right? R-right?!