burnt summer

When Karelos woke up that morning, part of her seemed to have drifted away like a helium balloon. She turned and stared at the empty place beside her. She didn’t remember if someone had spent the night. She didn’t remember last night at all. Not that it mattered. Days and nights blended into one another like some hideous painting. People were all interchangeable. Some days this state of affairs worried her more than others, but it was getting harder to care. Lately Karelos felt like the only thing that mattered was her dog, and even he didn’t belong to her, not really. Hadn’t he been a gift?

That morning, her dog looked out the window with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. Well, almost the saddest. A blue-eyed boy probably beat the dog in that department. His face was all but a fuzzy blur to her now. Karelos remembered how much she had loved him, but that feeling no longer lingered. That love had been make-believe. A child’ wishes, a child’s dreams. Nothing more than a fantasy she had put to rest. Nothing more...

“Hey.” Karelos nudged the American Eskimo with her foot. “What’s wrong?”

The mass of white fur continued staring out the window. Karelos joined him on the couch and followed his gaze. No one was out there. Nothing out of the ordinary in any case, and she laughed at the idea of ghosts. She ruffled his fluffy white chest. Definitely fluff, not fat, although sometimes she wondered. He dropped his head and gave her hand a half-hearted lick. Karelos continued stroking him. But instead of calming down, a low whine erupted from his throat. She pulled her hand back but the whining continued.

“Stop that!”

The dog plastered his ears back and wagged his tail meekly. Karelos sighed and patted his head. She hadn’t intended for her words to come out so sharply. But his behaviour bothered her. The worst thing was dealing with an issue she didn’t know how to fix. Karelos thought she understood people pretty well, but dogs were another story. What a sad world it was when dogs were more complicated than human beings.

Karelos sat beside him. In a matter of moments, he had curled up into a ball and drifted off. She smiled at the contrast of his dark nose peeping out from his pure white paws. Taking care of him took up a lot of time, but she loved doing it. Karelos gave him a final pat before heading into the kitchen. For the first time in ages, she was hungry enough to eat breakfast. But there wasn’t anything in the cupboards. The fridge contained a few half-full cans of beer. And not even the good kind. Karelos wondered when she had last gone grocery shopping. She used to eat a lot, but these days she had to force herself to do so. Cooking was no longer a pleasure.

Her phone rang from somewhere in her bedroom. She hesitated before following the sound. Not another one who had fallen for her, fallen in love with her, as they all claimed after one night together. Calling her, needing her, wanting her.

Caller ID blocked. She held the phone in her hands long after it had stopped ringing. Karelos didn’t know why she always felt compelled to check every single incoming call. She smiled a little. That was a lie. She knew. She knew perfectly well, and it hurt.

Karelos toyed with the phone’s buttons. Before she could hang up, someone answered.

***

The strap on her bag cut into her shoulder. The soft flesh beneath the leather had reddened, and would worsen the more she walked. But Karelos didn’t notice. She kept going. It was a hot day even for July, the kind of day where someone could go crazy without much provocation. Drivers leaned on their horns and shouted obscenities at one another. Karelos continued down the highway. She didn’t know why she had decided to walk there all the way from her house.

It was a long time before she reached her destination.

Karelos stood before the coffee shop. Starbucks. Always Starbucks. They were everywhere, but only this one mattered. There weren’t very many people browsing on laptops or sipping overpriced beverages today. That was unusual. This had been the place to hang out only a couple of years ago. Then again, things always changed. But she didn’t want to hesitate another second. If she did, she would turn and walk away. Besides, waiting for things wasn’t her style. Whenever she wanted something, she went ahead and made it happen.

She opened the door and walked inside. The familiar scent of ground coffee beans overwhelmed her. For a moment she couldn’t get enough air. Maybe she had grown too used to the seductive scent of smoke. Oxygen did nothing good. Then she realized she was holding her breath and exhaled slowly. Better. Better, but something sickeningly sweet lurked beneath the bitter smell of coffee. Starbucks never used to smell like this. There wasn’t much nostalgia factor here after all. The caller wasn’t here, either. Karelos looked at the time on her phone. She was late, of course. Some may have called it self-sabotage, but Karelos called it protecting her interests.

The cashier, a petite brunette, was looking at her oddly. Karelos realized she had been standing there like an idiot and hurriedly joined the line-up. There was nothing she wanted besides a cigarette. But she had left those at home. Home. Karelos swallowed hard. She would walk all the way back, even if her feet hurt. Staying here, waiting, would be madness. There was no point.

For a moment, she could have sworn that he said her name behind her. For a moment, she believed that he had kept his word. But a quick glance over her shoulder proved her wrong. Karelos hated looking back. A sudden chill caused her to shiver.

Maybe there were ghosts after all.