Wednesday, July 18, 2018

"You may cover it up and deny it, but you have a gentle heart."

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Hindsight

Johto – July 2010

The world was different than before. Wild pokemon attacked children and adults alike, with attacks became more and more frequent and violent. Families were encouraged to raise pokemon so that they could defend each other as a team against the hostile creatures. 

However, there were fines and licenses that came with owning domesticated pokemon. Only wealthier families could afford to obtain and train pokemon and even then they were not strong (normal types: meowth, magikarp or rattata, bug-types).

Desperate to placate the rising public panic, the government funded a program that would assign each child starting from the age of ten a “starter”, which was intended to be a partner dedicated to protecting them from harm. The only catch was that each child who got a free starter from the govt was obligated to serve as a soldier in the Peace Patrol. For a time, only those with connections could even get their hands on a starter.

With people becoming desperate in such times, it was no wonder criminal syndicates such as TR surfaced to steal pokemon to make money.

---

Her name was Terra. Her brown hair matched exactly with the shade of the oak trees that grew surrounding New Bark Town.

Terra had two best friends; both were her next-door neighbours. Ethan and Maya. They both had dark hair, with Maya’s holding more of a bluish tint, and dark eyes. Maybe they were cousins; Terra didn’t know.

When Terra turned ten years old and finally received her first starter pokemon from the government program, she was opted into the the Peace Patrol.

The Peace Patrol was a global organization of Trainers. Each town or city had its own designated Peace Patrol group; New Bark Town’s team had members from Cherrygrove City as well. Their main job was to keep the neighbouring towns safe from raid bosses.

Raid bosses were wild pokemon that often appeared in the surrounding areas and were a threat to everyone’s safety. Fortunately, New Bark Town was a small town situated next to a rushing river. Only weaker raid bosses, classified as Tier 1 and 2, ever seemed to appear there.

Terra never wanted to be a soldier in the first place. No, she never imagined being placed in such a role. Working at a Pokemon Center, sure. But a soldier? She felt far too timid, too incapable of such responsibility.

Chikorita was her choice. The cute grass pokemon’s eyes and sweet scent captured her instantly. Maya chose the timid fire starter cyndaquil, who immediately curled itself into a ball in the girl’s arms. Ethan’s family ran a pokemon daycare and occasionally bred pokemon as well. He didn’t need a starter from the program; his grandparents gave him a marill, which was his favourite, but he was often in the company of many normal-type pokemon as well.

---

From a young age, Maya was spoiled. Her parents coddled her and provided her with everything she asked for. As she grew older, she began to realize how this affected her in negative ways.

She wasn’t as independent as Terra or Ethan; she even started her training much later than they had. As a result, she quickly became emblazoned with the desire to prove herself. Prone to being rash and stubborn, she trained hard and accepted battles from everyone. Most of all, she had heard the stories about the boy legend who had defeated the Elite Four and vanished before anyone could challenge him for the title. What better way to prove herself?

---

In the following years, Terra and her friends train daily, forming bonds with their pokemon and with each other. Together they fended off the weaker monsters. Terra and Ethan were paired together as patrol partners. Maya was paired with an older Trainer, who gladly took on the role of an older sister to her.

One summer afternoon, a Tier 4 monster is spotted in the vicinity of the town’s surrounding fields. It’s a frenzied Nidoking, stronger than any monster that had come to NBT. Maya immediately rushes to try and defeat it, but misjudges the situation and quickly realizes she and cyndaquil are no match. Terra and Ethan catch up with her to try and join the battle, but as trainees, the nidoking easily dominates the battle. 

A young man with an equally elegant ninetales rescue the three of them and they manage to scare off the nidoking. Though she is embarrassed at having needed to be rescued, Maya thanks the boy and the trio discovers his name is Lukas. He’s currently stationed in Cherrygrove City and works for the government, trying to investigate the cause of the frenzied pokemon.

--

What is the cause? Well, Maya wants to repay Lukas by helping him in his quest. Terra disagrees, and Ethan is disinterested. Lukas thanks the group for their offer to help, but politely declines and returns to Cherrygrove.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Rose Hands

I hear you calling
I hear you call my name
Tell me you want me
Say that you feel the same
Stay with me, baby
And I will play your game 

--I Hear You Calling / DJ Licious

This day is weighing down on me pretty badly. It's only my Thursday, which means I have still have two days to go because I get a breath of fresh air in the form of a weekend. For some reason, I'm in a pretty foul temper and my body feels on edge. I can't seem to relax, but at least this adrenaline helps me deal with my job better. Powerin' through.

I stumbled upon another erotic anime/manga lol. I was really into "25-sai no Joshikousei" and "Guomin Laogong Dai Huijia", and now I've become entangled in... "Amai Choubatsu: Watashi wa Kanshu Senyou Pet".

Hahaha... well okay the plots of all these types of anime are so outrageous and hard to believe. NOBODY would get away with these types of situations in real life, but I suppose that's why they're an escape. A fantasy. I watch it with my belief suspended because that's kinda what you have to do when you're watching anime--and uhhhhh erotic stuff in general I suppose? HAHAHA.

Anyway my thoughts are... That the uniformed warden looks super polished but I guess despite the similarities to Akira from TnC in his soldier uniform, I can't really feel like I like him that much? I really like the red-headed yakuza dude better. And wow, Hina's boyfriend is totally lame and lackluster, I don't know why they added him. Probably only to have the NTR appeal... ahhhh. It's just wrong. People shouldn't be cheating, okay. That's not emotionally healthy. But then again here I am commenting this about an erotic anime so... I should throw all my rational out the prison window. Heh.

I don't typically dig redheads but can I get myself one of these bodyguards?

It's totally sad because he basically decides to protect the girl and falls in love with her but she doesn't like him. Ha. Well, I'm only on Episode 6 so really, who knows yet? A tattooed character is so refreshing. And hot. Lol. Sexy anime boys, anyone? But I'm betting that she ends up with the fancy uniformed warden boy.

The animation is shoddy at best but hey, at least um. Well... I watch what I want OK?!

As for updates on my life... I've been working and spending time with friends. I feel like I'm burning myself out with the amount that I'm stretching myself thin. I'm out until the early morning, return home to sleep, and then wake up for another day at work. I can't wait to use the upcoming Friday to clean and do my errands and actually sleep in.

For instance, Friday is my errand/family day where I'll be spending time with my father and having my early birthday dinner with the family; Alexis will be coming by as well. Then Saturday is raid day with the Valor fam, then I'll likely be helping my friend Leanne run a sample booth at IGA, and maybe seeing a movie. Then on Sunday I'm back at church, where I'll be serving that day. I just don't have time to spend with people... that's what it seems like, anyway~! But luckily I've been picked up by Fey and Danni and given a ride home for the past few days so... I'm truly #BLESSED! It's time for me to spread da luv.

Lucky Girl

Wow! Much gifts, such wow!

I'm so happy because my Valor boss/mentor and friend Fey gave me some early birthday presents!!!!!!!! I can't believe my birthday is already coming upon us, next week on July 13th. This year seems really blessed so far even if there were struggles. I'm really happy that I have some caring friends to carry me through hard times. :')

I've been stuck in the past/dark for so long... Maybe it's time I come out into the light and not be afraid to have some hope. I'm not gonna lie, I was hurt pretty badly by people I loved dearly in the past. It's happened to me before, and I'm certain I've also inflicted the same emotional pain onto others. But I want to acknowledge the pain and move on. For instance, I still remember how magical the world I created with Natalie was, and how much I was in love (passionately). Even with people that weren't healthy for me. But those times will live on in my heart even if... we won't see each other again. Maybe in heaven. I pray to grow from my experiences and become the best version of me that I can achieve.

Monday, July 2, 2018

It's not right but it's okay

I saw all the warning signs and heeded none of them
Ran all the red lights chasing my own heart
Maybe hoping

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Breaking Down

I have a stalker. Lol.

This past week has been a doozy. I've gotten this young, silver-haired chick following me around like a Tharja. Literally inviting me out to drink with her and then following me home, drunk, to sleep over at my house and steal my clothes. (Am I ever going to see my t-shirt or sports bra again?)

Strange things in life always follow me around. But I try not to think too much about it. My life has been consumed with PoGo, church, and spending time with my friends and family. Oh, and planning for my birthday weekend!!!

I'm going to live in a hat until I re-dye my hair on my birthday. It hasn't really been a nuisance for me, seeing as I'm technical support in an office anyway.

Anyway... Check out these trapinches I drew~! They're going to be included in birthday invitations that I'll be sending out, hopefully by this Saturday.


It's been a long time since I've been inspired enough to draw anything... but being able to draw these four trapinches has really helped me with the stress I've been feeling these days. Life is hard... I feel like life is something I'm not quite sure how to navigate through properly. Right now, all I want to do is have a drink and write... but alas, I'll have to put that on pause until I get home.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

About Nothing

Last night I stepped onto a new path in the warm summer air. Whisked away after work to a seedy hole-in-the-wall, drinking until the uncomfortable feelings dissipated from my body like a waning mist, feeling butterflies and my chest tightening. I gripped my arms protectively around my own body like a cocoon.

He was... nice, I guess. An old friend met through an old flame. Well, maybe more of a candlelight flicker than a flame. Still, we had some things in common. He possesses a lot more life experience, a natural by-product of being older. Jaded, despite having faith, similar to myself. Or maybe I'm the only jaded one.

Am I jaded? For a while, I didn't consider myself so. But now...

Singing in the night, stolen kisses under the orange glow of streetlights.

Youth is slipping me by.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Worldly Passions

lately it's been a struggle with my faith. i know humility is valued and we must want others to be lifted while wanting little for the self. no need to be understood,  or accepted. no fear of being lonely.

but sin tastes so good. the mind is willing but the flesh is weak. and the heart... the heart is torn in half. tearing me in half.

i can only hope my labour is not in vain, as is promised. even if it is... i can only endure.

wishes don't come true, do they?

and if they do...

we will only end in punishment. i have no tales left to tell.

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Phase Out

I'm exhausted so I guess it's time for bed. Before I go I wanted to say... a couple of things happened this week.

I came back from Asia and realized that people missed me. They care about me and wanted to see me and spend time with me, particularly Timothy and Fey. It really lifted my spirits when Fey said the Valor crew missed me. I know we shouldn't put too much weight on what others think about us, but I wasn't expecting to hear these words. I had friends in HK, such as Eva, want to try and find time to hang out. However, time didn't permit us to have a meal. I know they were looking forward to spending some time with me... I perhaps need to stop thinking negatively about my friends, or thinking I don't have any, or that they wouldn't care if I wasn't around. In some small way, I'm sure I add to their lives. I can only pray to become a better friend.

In that same vein... Arty actually requested graveyard shifts so that he would be able to see me more. It's kind of odd to me, seeing as we've only known each other for 2 weeks. But he's super nice and he decided on a restaurant to go to for lunch tomorrow. He recalled that I mentioned liking hummus, so he catered to that in his restaurant choice. I feel happy that he's being so considerate, but isn't it a bit soon? After all, I'm only trying to know others better as a friend... I hope everything is all right with that. I must strive to be a proper Christian girl, haha. Being a woman sure is hard sometimes. But I'm not getting any younger!

Through reflection I know now that even though I idealized Natalie as a best friend, I never got the chance to act like a good friend. I made questionable decisions that were selfish, only thinking about myself. But I can't stay stuck in the past, and just because her writing blended effortlessly into mine and we created our own little world together doesn't mean she was my twin flame or soul mate. Everything has a place in time, and she was there during my high school years to get me through. But I would have never been truly happy with her in a friendship because I don't believe that type of personality would ever actively ask me to hang out, message me first, or attempt to make me a bigger part of their life. I know its probably asking a lot since I wasn't the greatest friend back then, but communication is key. How could I tolerate someone who locks their feelings away? And that's why I know that when I look for friends, the relationship must be open and honest with both people striving to give and take as equally as possible.

In hindsight, I wonder if she was ashamed of me because of my race, or maybe because of her family's views on Asian people. I know my good friends Laerie and Tim come from white families that are intolerant and racist, to the point where they both seem to have separated themselves from their families. I really care about my tall blond, blue-eyed friend and my tall brunette-with-a-ponytail friend. They've really carried me through tough times and I hope I can continued to be there for them.

Tomorrow is community day for Pokemon. I'm meeting a semi-new friend for a quick breakfast/larvitar hunting and Arty for lunch. Then later I think I'm grabbing a drink with a dude I first met 3 years ago. Funny story... he actually asked a mutual friend for my number after meeting me at a club but never messaged me until today. But he seems kinda wild and unreliable, so I'll keep my guard up and see what he wants. Shrug... I'm too old for all these plays. 

At least life has been eventful.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Falling Back

I'm making an attempt to stop the spiral. I'm trying not to walk the path to ruin when everyone else has ascended to brighter days. I wasn't mature enough to appreciate my blessings, and I was blinded by selfish desires. Now, I simply reap what I sow. Lol

I had my time. I should simply be grateful.