Saturday, April 21, 2018

Saturdaze

Last night, a bunch of us from work hit the bar and fun times ensued. It was really cool to have a drink and kick back with some beloved coworkers. I am grateful for the impromptu meet up, because I really needed some down time. I'm really grateful for some of the people I work with, they have always been kind to me and I am fortunate to be friends with them.

Today I woke up in a daze and went to eat lunch with my mum. We had a hearty breakfast at Cora and drank several cups of coffee. I thank the Lord for such a blissful afternoon; the sun was shining down and there was a pleasant breeze.

My pup and I went out for a stroll, and I opened up Pokemon Go again for the first time in and while and started playing. I took over two gyms near Royal Oak skytrain and before ya knew it, I had some fellow Valor teammates deposit their Pokemon in the gym alongside me.

Yeah, you know what, I do still play Pokemon Go. It's not outdated for me, as I only open the app to check for monsters once in a while. And heck, I love Pokemon and always will. :') But the main inspiration for me is an older coworker who is on the Instinct team who still plays, and seeing him play spurred me to action to play again as well.

Man, there are a lot of swablus where I live. But still not enough to get my altaria. I want a shiny pokemon, I see my friends getting the cute pink shiny mareeps... where can I get one? Haha.

In other news, my pupper is having a bit of a skin problem so tomorrow I'll be bringing him to the vet after church. I feel like this year is bringing a lot of changes in my life. I hope it's for the better but I really can't be sure. I'm mostly at peace, but I find myself doubting what the future has in store. No use overthinking it though, I guess.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

U-Turn

A lot of new things keep developing for me in life, but I rarely have time to write about those things nowadays, as I keep saying. I find going to work and coming home and taking care of responsibilities takes up most of my time, and I am so exhausted all the time. I have very little time to pursue what I love, and even that, I don't know what it is anymore.

I've redecorated my room, made it more cozy and pleasing. Most of my days off are spent tidying up, cooking and cleaning. I go to church the Sundays I can, and when I'm not feeling exhausted, I hang out with select people. Sometimes I feel as if each day is passing by like grains of sand and I have little to show for anything. I have a lot going on in my head all the time, though I can't write whenever inspiration strikes. It's too bad.

I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. But I'm slowly finding my way, as always.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Easter Long Weekend

I had an eventful long weekend. Went to church service on Easter Sunday, which was nice. Afterwards, went to lunch with the small group members and had coffee with the friend who invited me. Then, I meandered my way to have a delicious Japanese dinner! I indulged in hot sake and seafood salad, real crab rolls, assorted nigiri and black cod--one of my favourite fish to eat. It was a relaxing time, and today (Monday) we slept in and went out for a hearty western breakfast.

I've been wanting to write more but I always get distracted. I can't manage more than little snippets here and there, for some reason. I've been really airheaded these days, and it's not only because I'm blond. I need to put my head back on straight. I'm always tired and even though I try to pursue my hobbies, I always backtrack somehow. I guess I don't have as much energy as I used to.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

What Is Right, What Is Wrong?

Life works in mysterious ways. Ever since I got moved to my new team a floor down, I've been sitting near a supervisor who is Christian, like myself. And we got to talking, and he invited me to check out his church, The Tapestry. I have been praying to God for a chance to become closer, but haven't really made many Christian connections in my life, so it's cool to be having someone reach out to me like this and invite me to service.

I remember years ago I went to a church retreat/event and there was a musician that played there that created a very spiritual experience for me. I don't even remember the name, now... only that it was a cherished experience of my youth. I had a photo of us together as well, but it's been lost in the files, now. Oh, how nostalgia can be a crippling and cruel mistress. I'm always caught between moving forward and delving into bits of my past to anchor who I am. But, my memory has been pretty bad, lately...

So, we'll see where life's journey will end up taking me.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Life

The past few days have grown warmer which is a good thing. I've been sleeping without the heat on which is nice. Spring is here. I've also moved to a new desk at work with a new supervisor and team. Let's hope I can still keep improving.

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Ready

In exactly a week, I'll be flyin' outta this Vancouver doom-n-gloom and headin' to L.A. to play. I can't wait for the change of scenery. I'm going to soak in the sun and eat until I drop. I already started packing some of my outfits. I don't know what shoes to bring, but I think something casual would suffice. My friend in L.A. wants to take us hiking and climbing, so I definitely need to be ready to be active. 

At heart, I'm an active person, but in mind, I am a couch potato. (Make that, a bed potato.) And that's terrible, because my mind associates my bed as a place to work and not as a place of rest. That association is hard to break, and I find it hard to rest my mind. Still, writing at my desk is not nearly as comfortable as writing in bed!

Okay, I promised myself I would try and get some writing done. So, here we go...?

Friday, February 16, 2018

Love In The Air

This weekend is a busy weekend that I am immensely looking forward to.

On Saturday, I have afternoon tea with Laerie at La Petite Cuillere! I'm planning to wear my burgundy Michael's Blessing JSK. I'm so far detached from lolita fashion--I just haven't felt cute lately. I'm sure others would disagree, but I'm 27 for crying out loud. I feel like a stagnant drop in the pond. I'm not young, but I'm not old. (I look young though, so people think I'm still some sort of university student... ha, that ship has sailed?)

For Sunday night, Lex booked a table for Gotham Steakhouse. I'm truly excited because I love steak, haha. It's the second year that we are going out for Valentine's dinner. Last year we went to Bishop's, which was a unique and expen$ive experience. I'm excited to eat sweets and steak with my friends!

How else have I been? Well, I started a hip hop class with an old buddy of mine. I was all sweaty five minutes in, but it was a great workout and a lot of fun! Hanging out with my ol' friend really brought back memories of the golden days with the OG rave fam.


And of course Valentine's Day, like any other commercial holiday, is a festive occasion that I enjoy partaking in. I bought cards for two of my gfs and some chocolates from Godiva to give to a dear friend I have at work. He surprised me with amazing Fire Emblem-themed cards in a beautiful envelope, and each card had a thoughtful message written at the back. I have to admit, I wasn't expecting such a touching act! That's usually my forte, but recently I've been feeling low and unmotivated.

After work on V-day, I met up with P; we got takeout and went to his house to catch up on the shows we like watching together. It was cool to hang out, but again, who knows what it all means. I'm left with a sense of disembodiment from reality and from my feelings at this moment, like a rising wave, and at any moment that wave can come crashing down to disrupt my perceptions. I give everything up to God, everything is done according to what is necessary for my personal growth and development. :)

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Fossilized

Life works in weird mysterious ways. Like for instance, things have been dug up and unraveled from the past, and yet the objects are not the same as before. They're worn and dusty and no longer serve a purpose. Yet, other things have been dug up, too. It's God's way, I don't know in what way, but it's a way that I need to accept.

I can't keep living in the past like I always do. My thoughts always go floating back, because honestly it's all I've ever known. Those moments of passion, turned to vapid nothingness. And yet... oh, how I'm always looking forward to reliving those moments and memories.

Memories are like photos, engraved in our hearts 
Adding colour and happiness to our lives

And sometimes, sadness.

Friday, February 2, 2018

Cruel

I can't even begin to talk about my feelings. My heart hurts because this life is so cruel, so hard, I can't breathe. I'm broken apart and no one can save me, I'm drowning, I know people want to save me, they want to help me, but I'm struggling to calm down on my own.

I can't even speak. I stare out into the blackness with a heavy heart. But I don't want to cry anymore.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Baggage Reclaim

I went and did the thing today, and I'm not sure what the outcome will be but I'm glad it's over and done with. Now I'm back at home, chilling after putting some laundry in, drinkin' coconut water. Now it's up to destiny.

I've been feeling like I'm in a place of change. Caught in-between phases. I've been openly trying to pursue the things I want in life, and unsure of the progress. I should be more active and get my body back from last year before I go to L.A. and take those bikini beach photos, haha. I really haven't been motivated because as per the previous post, I've been moping in my own self-pity.

Well, since I don't want to bother any of my friends with my personal problems, might as well spill things out on here, my blog.

Whenever I feel down on myself, I tend to withdraw from people, save for a select few. Those people I pester consistently. But I mean, the thing I miss most is having an activity partner. When people are in relationships, they do many things together. If there was a movie or show I'd want to watch, I'd tell my partner. If there was a place I wanted to go to, I'd do the same. I remember how fantastic it used to be to go to raves with my boo. And of course I forced/dragged them to things like restaurants I wanted to go to, and After Hours at the Vancouver Aquarium, yoga, and all sorts of things he had no interest in but went because I wanted to go. I miss that, but I could always do those things with friends, but it's not as close and intimate as a date. Driving to get fried chicken at night, or eating Taiwanese sausage fried rice after work... Man, the memories were just going through the motions, they didn't really mean anything, in my opinion. Everything meant more to me than anyone else.

I'm going to try and make new friends, and strengthen the relationship with existing friends. I've cut a lot of people out of my life, and I'm not ashamed of doing that, because going forward I'm not going to keep people in my life who make me unhappy.

So, now I'm going to make myself some lunch and chill out... ciao.