Thursday, November 16, 2017

Bite The Dust

Awaking from a dream
Arising from a slumber
I’m far away from home
On my own

The crimson flame
Like a ruby
It’s the hope
In my eyes
 --Waiting for the Rain / Maaya Sakamoto

Sunday, November 12, 2017

White Castle

I've been so tired. I can't think, I can't sleep. Everything causes me to be so restless.
I have dreams, so many dreams and memories that sift through my mind but cannot be attained in reality. Tell me, what is the solution to such existential thoughts?
Ignore them, push them away. Pretend they aren't there, like a bad thought pushed to the back of your mind.
I can't, I can't... I keep reaching back for you.
But no one is there.
I'm all alone, the sole ruler of a sad white castle.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Two-Faced Lovers

A/N: DEAR GOD, IT BEGINS. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, or where I'm going with this, but all I know is that things are going down--town~ /// And don't ask me why. I'm writin' for fun, okay? I mean, lots of people write fanfiction... right? R-right?!

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Day & Night

There is always so much to do, and so little time. My 4-day weekend for the end of October is drawing to a close, and it was such a wonderful time that I haven't documented anything I did.

For starters, I went to Dooms Night 2017 as Sailor Venus! A rave version, and I went with my group B3K. It's so funny how all 3 girls in our group have names that start with the letter 'K'. One of my girls went as Sailor Mars too.

Neon future, baby!

It was such a great night. I reunited with girls I met at Insomnia 2 years ago, and they recognized me! Those gals are the ones that showered me with kandi when I first met them, and inspired me to start making my own kandi in the name of PLUR.

I also had a sweet little gal that came up to me and asked "Are you Sailor Venus?" to which I replied "Yes" to which she responded, "Oh! I'm Artemis!"

She was the cutest little thing. We discovered we were both from HK from the same district, too. I tried comforting her when she wasn't feeling well and we danced together. I ended up giving her the flower kandi armband/bracelet I made, and her reaction was adorable.

One of my gals slept over and the next day we went for a mouthwatering and fulfilling lunch at Bob Likes Thai Food. We even got bubbletea after!

I've basically been spending a lot of time with friends. I went for brunch with Baker Boy on Sunday, and I went to see a movie at the Rio Theatre with Bri Bri today -- loads of things like that. Keeping busy is a good thing, I guess. Especially since, well, I'm fairly new when it comes to being alone.

Well, tomorrow is Halloween and I am back to work. I also need to start writing my novel for November. Shiet, I'm not ready. I think I'm going to write a fanfiction about Kiran in Fire Emblem Heroes, because it's just easier. I need to write a bit every night, then.

A lot of people are loving and supporting me right now. And I have my family and dog. Walking Jacky in the morning is a really good bonding experience. I don't know if I will be getting another dog anytime soon but, we will see! I'm always so tired and busy, that I wish I could relax easier. Maybe I'll try and go back to yoga or take a class?

Wednesday, October 25, 2017


she told me there's no turning back
there's no use living in the past
this is the legend of a wild girl
told by a worn out lover from the past

living on the run
intoxicated on her way downtown
we were so deep in love, baby
never thought it would come crashing down

we watched the heavens turning black
you by my side was all i had
this is the story of a young girl
told by a worn out lover from the past
--Wanderlust, Jelle Slump

Sunday, October 22, 2017

If Only

somewhere i lost a piece of me
smoking cigarettes on balconies

higher than ever before, we
tear the sky out of the morning

slowly closing it

--There for You, Martin Garrix / If Only, San Holo

What is life? I know I'll never know.

Life is what you make it, a wholesome x nihilistic blend of tea. In nihilism nothing matters and no-one matters; however, because nothing really matters, one is free to believe in what matters to them and make it real for them.

I find it amusing how, when anything holds religious connotations or references to God, people tend to freak out and spout objections galore. So I have craftily started using the word 'The Universe'. And in that, people understand. It's odd, really. People have a sense of otherworldly concepts like fate, karma, etc. but refuse to credit such things to a 'God'.

Today, my grandpa passed away. He lived to the ripe old age of 90+. He was loved, and he gave love. While I am deeply troubled and saddened by his passing, I know that loss is a part of life.

I feel sorry for my father. He must be filled with grief. However, my mother is no stranger to loss, and she is with him now in Hong Kong. With the love and support of family members, I am certain all will pull through.

On the topic of my own life...

I have been feelin' a surge of luck these days. This past month has been filled with fortune for me; wonderful friends and wonderful events.

I used to think I was alone, that I would never know love -- I was wrong. I do know love. I see it in the face of others, and I try my best to extend that love back.

Slowly, I start to realize I am the one that needs to grow as a person and learn to trust that people care for me. Looming over my heart was always the thought that no one would love me for who I am, and so I always tried to change who I was.

Now, I realize slowly... bit by bit peeling the cloth from my eyes, that I have people who genuinely know and like who I am. Not that my self-worth is based on others, oh no, but it's a wake up call that I was not as abandoned as I led myself to believe.

Everyone is lonely, this I know. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone yearns to be accepted for who they are, to be known.

In order to realize this dream, one has to open themselves to reveal the most hidden (and painful) parts within for the world to see.

I'm trying my best.

Thursday, October 19, 2017


we set the illusion that we're cut to shape
behind it all we're broken and afraid,

grinding to the dust
--Diamonds, JAGGS

What is wrong with me?

The decisions I make, all in a mock imitation of "righteousness", coming back to bite me in the arse. Is it so? 

I can't know, I don't know, can someone tell me?

Manipulative, guarded, childish -- all would be accurate when describing who I am as a person.

Do others see and feel the same things I do?

Why am I so scared to uncover what it is I really want?

I want to say I regret it, but I don't. 

Maybe I find it fun; the thrill of the chase is the predator sinking its fangs into prey. 

But even the predator devours the prey for nourishment. I toy with my food for amusement.

I wish I could say I regret it. But I don't.

And all I want is more, until everything crumbles around me.
What the fuck happened yesterday?

Monday, October 16, 2017

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ FE: Heroes ~Passion of the Summoner~

: ¨ ·.· ¨ :
`·. There came a knock on the door. Kiran got off her bed, the hem of her nightgown swishing at her feet.

The door opened to reveal Ephraim, the crown prince of Renais.

"Prince Ephraim! What are you doing here?" Kiran exclaimed, clearly startled by his appearance. "It's nearly midnight, milord. You should be resting."

"May I come in?" Ephraim asked. "Princess Shareena informed me that you wanted a sparring partner. Be assured that I am a cut above the rest."

Kiran blinked. It was true that she had mentioned wanting to learn to fight, but she hadn't expected Shareena to take action so quickly. "Milord, perhaps we should reschedule training for another day? It's late, and I don't think I have the energy right this moment."

Saturday, October 14, 2017


so if you're lonely,
you know I'm here waiting for you

October has finally started feeling like fall. I wake with a slight chill in the room, but nestled under the warmth of several blankets, I feel at ease.

My work schedule has been smoothing out as well. I start work anywhere between 10AM~12PM, which I prefer anyway. I'm not so much a morning person; I need at least an hour and a half to prepare everything in the morning, so if I had to work at 9AM, I would have to wake up at 7:30AM! Which is pretty brutal, if you ask me. Some people can, I can't.

Plus, it's always a rush when I need to take my dog out for his morning rounds. I feel bad because I prioritize lazing in bed for a few moments more over rolling out of bed to walk him earlier. But I will improve that, I am aware of it, I will change.